Should I tell my parents?

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Hi, I am 29 years old and have found out recently that I have AS. Should I tell my parents even if they dont have a clue?
I have always known something about me was different ever since I was a small child. My parents just thought I was really bright. I had very early language development, they are always telling me stories of when I was a child how I would repeat commercials as we where in the grocery store when I was a baby. They loved the fact that I could spell bologna in a song, (it probably was cute) Anyway, I have always felt that I never belonged anywhere, that I was something less than human. I have always been the quiet one who never would make waves and in a large family such as mine I guess they were just greatful to not have to really worry about another kid.(I have 3 older sister and 1 younger sister who is 10yrs younger than me) I was always buried in a book somewhere out of the way. While my siblings were all outgoing and heavily into sports etc. I never developed any interest in sports and preferred to be left alone with my books, or later on my video games, and then later on my computer. I still live at home where I work for them at their business. I still like to be left alone and I stay in my room almost the entire time Im at home.
So I guess they do have clues, maybe they think Im just some sort of manchild or something? I dont even think they know what AS is?

Hi, fellow robot! You sound a lot like me - I still remember commercial jingles from thirty years ago, and I didn't move out from my parents' home until I was thirty-three. Also, I seriously used to consider the possibility that I was some sort of robot (rather than the alien which the term "Wrong Planet" refers to).

My guess is, your parents know already. I wouldn't tell them unless you have an official diagnosis, but you might try to gently steer the conversation in the direction of spectrum disorders to find out how they feel about it.

I always say that honesty is the best policy. I would tell them everything that you know and jsut present it like a case, however, don't just mention that AS is a handicap; also tell them the good things about the condition, such as higher concentration skills or the ability to think differently to other people. Tell them about people like Einstein and Bill Gates who also have AS and by no stretch of the imagination would be considered disabled. It would be easier for your parents to swallow it if they knew the full picture.

All I can recommend is being gentle...

Get some information about AS. You might want to offer it to them. Tell them it's something you feel that might explain you. Getting a diagnosis is also important. Sadly my mother doesn't want to deal with it, so I won't press the matter until my diagnosis is complete.

i told my mom about a month ago and nothing between us has really changed. my mom and i are very close, so i knew she would be accepting. i'm in my mid twenties so it's really just a name for the way i've always been, not something new that cuases worry for my future or anyhting. now, that being said we did agree that it was probably best not to tell my dad.

i don't have an official diagnosis and personally don't really feel the need to seek one (though i can understand why others would). i printed out a bunch of material i'd found on AS and presented it to my mom without giving her the name of the condition. when i was finished, she was completely convinced that i had whatever it was i was describing (she even said i exhibited symptoms that i completely missed). when i told her that was a list of symptoms/traits for AS, she just said "huh, i've heard of that but never really knew what it was." i was nervous around her for a few days (afriad she would start over analyzing me), but everything has been cool.

I think my mother was actually relieved to find that whatever was wrong with me had nothing to do with her parenting skills.

My dad remained in denial. His reaction to reading the symptom list: " Sounds like the kind of stuff all kids go through." (I'm 49) He just cannot accept that his son is anything other than a normal non-military, non-religious, sports hating bookish nerdy disappointment. As far as he's concerned, anything about me that's not in lock-step with the NTs is and has always been my fault.

So you never know what kind of reaction you'll get.

I wrote a bit about my mother's way of reacting here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp1199381 ... t=#1199381 Mother who is recently being enlightened by me in this matter (I told her only there's a medical condition described in psychiatric textbooks that fits me but I didn't tell her how it's called because if she wanted to read about it more and found out it's ASD, flat denial would take place for sure) seems to believe me now but she seems to push it away in the same time - not because she thinks I may be wrong in my self-diagnosing but because she saves herself from awareness I REALLY may have it, that I may be abnormal (in terms of normality she's much like Petunia Dursley ). She told me that even if I have such a condition, many people have it as well and they must deal with it so I should do the same and keep it in secret.

Well, here's the voice of experience: You may leave it unnamed, but it'll never be a secret. The NTs around you all know you're different and they'll persecute you your entire life for it, especially if they don't know what it is. If it doesn't have a name, it must simply be a personal shortcoming on your part - your fault. Once it has a name, it's a neurobiological condition - a disability.

Those who say AS is not a disability are either too young and blissfully ignorant to know what's in store for them, or they've got an AS obsession that has suited them perfectly for a specific career. (I was one of those until PC automation, satellite radio and iPods made me obsolete). If there are not legal constraints to protect you, you will be a victim of unspoken social prejudices until the day you die. This is the most important reason for seeking an official DX. If you are offically diagnosed with a disability, you may (in the workplace at least) have some protection under the law.

Your mom sounds like she cares about you (and perhaps isn't like Petunia Dursley- good ref. there), and if it is important to you and how you feel about yourself then you should definitely tell her. I'm a mom, and not knowing something important about my kid (and finding out later) would kill me. Even if it weirds her out at first, or she denies it (we all want our kids to be happy, healthy and whole)... just let her know that it doesn't change anything about you. You're still the same person you always were, but now you can find some tools to help you through the difficult bits (which, I'm sure she noticed). Putting it positively can make all the difference.

Hey welcome to the fold. Sound a lot like I was. I think you should tell them. They probally don't even know what AS is, so its hard for them to know you have something they have no knowledge of.

I was DX'ed 15 days ago as on the spectrum, to high functioning to be AS. I've known I have it for 14 months. I'm not telling my family, I'm not telling anyone who can run their f***ing yap at work. Unlike some on these forums I am not thrilled to be on the spectrum. I'm one year younger than Willard, and one thing I like about the time frame that Willard and I grew up in is that we were not encouraged to be soft. Back then the rule was when a bully messes with you, you beat him down. I have a cousin who might suspect I have mild Autism. I don't want anyone reading this to get the idea that I look down on Autistics. But I'm not going to pretend that I'm thrilled with it. As far as I am concerned nosy family members, coworkers etc. can all mind their own business and stay out of mine.

This piece of advice of yours may refer to other users's mothers but not to my mother, lol When I told her about AS (in last year if I'm right) she was really angry so I decided not to mention about it any more. I don't think AT ALL that we have a duty to inform our parents about important things concerning us, on the opposite - I never tell my mother what's happening in my life. The more things others know about you the more dangerous it can be (I don't think mother would ever use it against me but it's a strict rule I always follow - I can't see any point in making an exception here even for a member of my close family ). It's caused by the fact that I don't feel attachment to people, I perceive them rather like a kind of moving objects in space, not like beings endowed with minds.

[quote="Irulan] This piece of advice of yours may refer to other users's mothers but not to my mother, lol [\quote]

Yes, I was replying to cdc2001c... That's too bad about your mom. Mine would probably be like that, too, but she was a brass-bound b***. My dad... well, I'm working him towards it. He cares about me a lot and respects my opinion about stuff, and I want him to know what's going on with me.

I showed my mom the websites where she could read about it, and told her a little bit about it, and things like that...she said "You must have it mild." and then "Well, if you have it, so what?" and seemed to be accepting of it...but now after that, she says "You don't have it, you're just introverted like your dad."

It's funny because she still gets angry with me for being so forgetful.

Eh, it was worth a shot

If you have loving supportive parents, and it sounds like you do...they will welcome the info (and stop blaming themselves like many of us have done before the Dx came in!)

Good luck

I told my mother on the day of my diagnosis. She's always known something wasn't right, but preferred to ignore it as she didn't want to admit to the world that one of her children wasn't right. So I never got any 'help' until the age of 23. No, it isn't just a river in Egypt.

My father has had me written off from a very early age, as for some reason he's never liked me. Probably because he thinks I ruined his youth by so inconsiderately existing. I don't think he cares about my AS one way or another.