My dad is in a coma and ...

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my dad is in a coma and I am not sure of what is the apropriate way to react to the situation. He has been under for over two weeks now after a series of massive heart attacks. he has now a trake and a tube in his stomach I was told. It is odd because I am living in cali and him and mom are all the way in puerto rico. I cried a little twice, not much. But I am confused as to why I did it. was it out of moral obligation to be sad for another being or my dad in specific? because he was never the best of dads and he actually had an abusive streak from time to time when i still lived in the house and i know my feelings for him are not that strong.

I am not sure how to react in an acceptable manner. When my mom called me and told me she told me to sit down. I felt something but i dont know what it is i feel about it.

Not sure at all.

is what im trying to say make sense? not sure how to explain that either.

No, it's okay. If you're not close then it just won't have a huge effect on you. But of course you feel like you should really care.

Because of the distance, you have it easier. No day to day emotional expectations from family members who want you to feel like they think they should feel.

I'm not making a whole lot of sense either, but I do completely understand what you mean.

my mom asked me if i would go if she could get the money to send me a ticket,, i said no.

She's probably wanting your support. However, if you aren't capable of giving it, then there's not much point.
If you have a lot going on, you have a perfect excuse.

I had a nerveous breakdown she doesn't even know about, or about my AS(suspicion not yet proven). I told her im seeing a psych but i think she forgot.

edit: its hard for me to sort out what im feeling most of the time so I can summarize my emotions as a gist of meltdown worthy or nay. happy is a bit easier to know, u know?

You should go, for your mother's sake if nothing else. Possibly you'll regret going, but definitely you will eventually regret not going. You don't have to tell anybody anything that you think will cause difficulties. Being there will mean everything to your mother even if you don't understand it or know how to say what you are feeling.

My mom will expect me to be there so she can have some one to lean on. she has made this whole situation about her from the start (she is very dramatic, i think its part of her psychosis) and right now i dont have the strenth to do that. Plus my fiancee is re-enlisting soon and we are gonna get married the day he gets sworn in so he can get transfered it could be who knows when i cant be out of country, and i explained that to her.

Ah, I see.

Don't worry my emotions are messed up too. I have anxiety and anxiety. The rest of my emotions are blunted, and are showing no signs of inflating. My friend has got cancer. While I'm gutted if I think about it, things don't really feel that different at all. I don't know how I'll feel later on.

I didn't really feel anything at all when my gran died. I suppose I didn't really know her that well. I suppose she had something in common with me, both being reclusive at some point.

kinda comforting to not be the only one that gets this messed up ^^;

I don't think it's messed up. I think the important thing is working out how you *do* feel and dealing with that, rather than worrying about how you *should* feel. You may not have the emotional responses which other people have. That doesn't make you a bad person. a lot of aspies have extreme emotional reactions to things that don't bother other people, and very little reaction to things that other people find very traumatic.

Thanks ^^

((((((((((((((Tempy)))))))))))))))

Regardless of the fact that you don't have a close relationship with your father, in my opinion, you should still go and be with your mother. She may be closer to your father than you are, so of course it will be harder on her than it is for you. She probably just wants someone to discuss things with and you being her child, it's only natural for her to turn to you in times of need...just like it's natural that a child would turn to their mother.

As far as having the "right" emotions go, there is no appropriate reaction actually written down somewhere. Everyone has different reactions to different events.
When I was at my great-grandads funeral, my cousin the same age as me was crying, and I didn't feel any sadness at all. So don't worry that you are "reacting wrong", because you aren't. You are just expressing your response to the event in your own way, which everyone has a right to do.

P.S = I'm sorry that your father is in a coma. I've never had any family members in that situation so I don't know what it's like, but I imagine that it would be pretty horrible.