Silliest topic in the world -everyday tips

Post Reply New Topic

AS to AS...what type of everyday tips/advice/tricks were you able to learn in order to become more social or socially accepted? Can you identify some clear elements that have made a difference and share them?

For ex, when in Rome, do what the Romans do. I know that dressing like "the herd" (even if you hate or don't really like that fashion) helps with NOT standing out. I think most people don't care about how they are perceived and prefer to dress with whatever rings their bell. But in society, they can attract unwanted attention and stress just by their unusual or outdated choice of clothing. If they can and are willing to face the music, fine. If not...in school, basic A&E, Hollister, Aero and other "trendy" stuff kind of helps one blend in.

Also haircut (a little makeover). Especially for girls, haircut is another way you can either blend in or not. Observing how others do it and trying to have something similar and modern, instead of really old-fashioned or unkept hair styles.

As a woman, I couldn't agree more. However, I find that I have to make a big effort to remember to study current fashions. Fortunately, in my office the guys are quick to tell any of the female staff if they find their clothes frumpy!

I know I'm dating myself, but I grew very fond of Levis Big Bell bellbottom flares, Which were very common in the latter sixties and early seventies when I was in junior high. So much so, I wouldn't wear anything else, and continued to wear them exclusively until they were discontinued in the late eighties, when I was nearly thirty. Wouldn't you know, they'd make a fashion comeback about the time I got used to 501s. All those years, even though I knew they'd long gone out of fashion, it never really occured to me that that might make me look odd to my peers. I just thought it would be accepted that it was a personal choice. Is that what the diagnosticians mean when they say Aspergians are naive?

It must be. I LOVE mullets!

Merle

Learning how to make eye contact was the biggest one. I still force myself to do it (something I actually have to think about and doesn't come naturally), but I'm really good at it. Also learning different ways of stimming that aren't so obvious....like for instance knee bouncing, foot tapping, finger tapping, pen clicking, hair twirling....instead of rocking or hand flapping (I still do this if alone or really stressed). People make jokes about me having ADHD at work because I can't stop moving (if only they knew)...

Things about my appearance that don't make me stand out started with making sure my shoes match before I leave the house (yeah it can be that bad)....now I'm actually pretty good at putting myself together. I still really hate shopping because I have to put so much effort into putting an outfit together, but I still can manage. I read fashion magazines, I watch What not to Wear, and I learned a lot from that show.....like how to put emphasis on the narrowest part of my waist, pair neutrals with prints and colors, etc. Sometimes I still second guess how I am dressing. For instance I read on another forum about wearing ballet flats with flaired or boot-cut jeans.....one poster said that no woman should be caught dead in flaired or bootcut jeans, period....and that women should only wear skinny jeans. I freaked out. I am not even 5'0" tall, and a little curvy/muscular can't wear skinny jeans....my legs look like upside down triangles. All I wear is slightly flaired or bootcut jeans. And I see lots of women wearing them too......I still needed lots of reassurance that flaired jeans are okay to wear.....and I like ballet flats too.....I don't care if they are in or not.....I like being short, and heels are to hard to walk in....

I can't keep up with trends, so I just wear what flatters my figure.

Also I've recently learned how to apply makeup....this kinda helps too.

Approach people with a smile, not a blank stare.

I agree with you, but American Eagle, Hollister, and Aero often come with certain social stereotypes, people are likely to judge you based on wearing these brands. If you're looking to be accepted, I'd stick with classic, stuff like button-down shirts, some nice long-ish sweaters and jeans that fit well(if you feel comfortable), with some hoodies as well. You can include a few trendier pieces too, like babydoll tops and some cute dresses, but keep it simple. Basic jewelry. Never wear something you're not comfortable with, because insecurity really shows through. In high school, depending on where you go to school, it may be more acceptable to wear Hollister. Not too many people would get away with that at my school (here it's more acceptable to wear clothes from a consignment shop and have dreads rather than wear name-brand clothes), but we're weird like that.

Hairstyles are important too; you can easily change an outfit, but you can't often change a hairstyle...

Pop culture is important too. Watch shows that your friends like. Listen to similar music so that you'll be able to talk about stuff with people, or enlighten them on a band they might be interested in. Sharing what you listen to is really fun, and if other people like it then you'll gain a lot of respect from these people, even if you are a little weird!

Totally agree with the fashion thing (I'm so lucky my friends are all so trendy and in bands, they always throw things at me when we go shopping and say "This would look so hot on you!" ....if only they knew how helpful that really was! ).

And makeup. I don't like the chemicals in it, or the feeling of my skin being clogged up, so I just wear mascara, sometimes eyeliner, and always lipgloss. But that's all you need to have 'made the effort' and 'blend in'.

Yes. Stim subtley... I constantly tap my foot, jiggle my leg, tap my fingers, wriggle my toes, bounce from side-to-side as if listening to music - anything that can pass as normal is good. I don't openly rock, though occasionally I do it at home still, or if I'm really stressed (I love when I do this without thinking and a workmate will laugh and say something like "Stop rocking, anyone would think you're autistic or something!"...if only they knew! ).

Smile when talking to someone on the phone - they can hear it in your voice.

When small-talking, don't get toooo in depth in the conversation, because most people apparently don't really care too much about whatever it is you're talking about, they're just making noise to fill the silence.

When doing eye-contact, don't stare for too long. At the same time, don't avoid it altogether. Appropriate length etc is a bit hit and miss from what I gather, but I find if you pretend to think about an answer and go "Uhmm,, uhhh..." then you can get away with looking to the side or down.

Thank people for compliments, don't just stand there awkwardly.

Smile lots, people like smiles and you'll get away with more faux pas if you cover them up with a giggle.

I just decided to be myself and to be polite. that has really worked for me. People are a lot more open to me if i exude confidence and at least act like i know what i am doing.

Don't be shy. Seriously, shyness wins you no friends.

Was that a masturbation joke? Or is this the masturbation joke? Metajoke for the win!

Fashion follows me for some reason and it gets on my nerves. those tops that look like you wearing a long sleve t-shirt under a short sleve were in fasion just after i started wearing them and now stripy tops are in fashion just after i started wearing them!



That same stratgy works for me.

Last edited by jamescampbell on 28 Apr 2008, 3:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

T'wasn't I who said that.

Though I do concur!!

I only wear what is comfortable on me, not so much what is in style. Back in the days of designer jeans (Sasson, Jordache, etc.) I always wore casual dress slacks. Most of them were of tan, dark green or black. Not being one to "follow the crowd", dressing this way didn't bother me at all. Heavily promoted things like those jeans were at that time were really a big turnoff.

Nope. If I were to make such a joke it be more subtle, since this is a public forum open to all age groups, and it would be funny. I'll leave the 'dating myself' and 'flying solo' jokes to Craig Ferguson.

I shop at wall mart for my clothes ~,~ jean shorts and t-shirts of cotton and my purple beanie. That is what I wear out of the house I carry a toy in my pocket so i can fiddle with it to minimize the hand flapping. Problem is verbal stiming V,V can't help it sometimes but to make noise. Especially if i end up stuck on a very crowded store or the public bus.

Ued to carry a YoYo in my bag as a replacement stim. Of course, at forty, it didn't do anything to dispel notions that I was an oddball.