Wrong for my mother to say these things to me when angry?

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I asked my pyschologist this question and she said that when people are angry they say things they don't mean and I should not make a big deal about it, but I believe these things are inappropriate even when angry. Even some of these things were said years ago, they still bother me.


"I wish you were never born".

Holding a butter knife to me and saying, " I will kill you".

This last one was not said in anger.

"If something happens to you, I will kill myself."

The last one bothered me because I didn't want to be THAT important to anyone.

Statement A: "People say things that they don't mean when they are angry."

Statement B: "It is wrong to say these things, even if you are angry."

These statements are not mutually exclusive. I think your psychologist may be right. It's not that it's okay for your mother to say these things. It isn't. They were very hurtful things to say, and being angry is not an excuse for saying them. However, she almost certainly didn't mean what she said, and it's not doing you any good to dwell on these hurtful remarks. In the end the healthiest thing may be for you to file them under "stupid, hurtful things that people didn't mean and shouldn't have said but did" and move on.

I'd also add that your psychologist is probably trying to avoid being dragged into a "me vs her" mentality and is trying to focus on the approach which will be best for your mental health. Psychologists are usually unwilling to comment on what is right and wrong in the way that other people treat a client. Ultimately you can only make changes to yourself, not to your mother.

It it unequivocally wrong to threaten your child with death. Period.

Unless your mother is mentally ill, and not on her medication at the time, that is just wrong, and depending on the time whe said it, you may want to approach her and tell her how much this hurt you.

My father threatened to kill me a number of times until I finally told him to go ahead, I'd just call the cops if he didn't succeed. That finally got through to him that I wasn't going to tolerate his abuse any longer. Because that is what it is.

I have told my children that life would be unbearably empty without them, but never told them I would kill myself. That's a burden you don't put on your child.

Frankly, your mother sounds like she needs help. I don't know the timeline, or the circumstances, but these aren't healthy things to say.

As for you...you need to realize that you are you. Her problems and anger are her own. You don't own her issues. YOu aren't responsible for her problems. You need to let it go, and take responsibility for you and you alone. And as some one said...I wish you peace.

try being called asplit condom

People do say things they don't mean when they're angry. But actually taking a knife and holding it to someone and saying they'll kill that person... that crosses a line, and the person should find any way possible that they won't actually do anything like that in anger.

I'm sad to hear your mother has talked to you like this. I'm a mom and I understand how it is to feel strongly about a child - differently than anyone else in my life. So my fear for my children being hurt, my love for my children and my frustration is stronger than I might feel for another person, even my own mother. But your mother's words are violent, even when she's apparently expressing how much she loves you. And they're all projected on you - making you responsible for her thoughts and her behaviors.

I agree with your psychologist that people say things they don't mean when they're angry. That doesn't make this okay and your mother should never say she wants to hurt you, worse yet with a knife (even butter) held to you. It's not okay to threaten a child with harm. Even if she didn't hurt your body she upset you greatly, which I can tell since you mentioned some of this happened some time ago.

As others have said, you can't be responsible for your mother. I hope your psychologist is downplaying what has been said to you in an effort to get you unstuck from thinking of all the bad things and help you find some peaceful memories and some peaceful current experiences. I would like you to find peace too.

Once for some reason in school a boy held me at knife point for no apparent reason. Strangely we were allowed pen knifes at school in them days. He came up behind me and put the blade up against my windpipe. I can't remember what he said but I think it was something along the lines of 'don't move an inch or you'll get it'. He eventually let me go.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/364861/

Sorry if this seems inappropriate?