I couldn't handle it.

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Hi there.

I have been having a bastard of a day, and I'm really not sure what to do.

All this happened during classes.

First off, people were using rubber bands and folding paper into small balls, and shooting at each other. It annoys me, and it makes me nervous. The sensory with all the things flying around, etc. is just too much.

Fine, i try to cope with it as good as i can. And i did fairly well.

But during the last class of today something happened. Due to my issues, i have been granted that i can use my laptop for all classes. It was late on the day, and i was thus out of battery. We had to go to another class room, as our own was being used. I get down there, and i see a plug on the wall. But there's a guy sitting next to it.
I ask him if he would move, so that i can use my laptop(I can't do notes without it), and he rejected. This is not the first time he has done that, first time around somewhat the same happened, but i didn't break down.

I got EXTREMELY annoyed, angry and aggressive. I wanted to punch somebody in the face at first. I tried to talk him into moving for about a minute, and then i went into the back of the class. I quickly had a breakdown. I couldn't concentrate, i felt like crying, i couldn't think clearly and everything was hell.

I don't understand why i react like this. I mean, surely nobody else is like this.

I'm starting more and more to think that I don't fit into the educational system. The administration of the school is extremely nice to help me. But i feel guilty for having to have things my way, if I am to complete a full day.

But how do you guys/girls handle these kinds of situations?

Surely the teacher could have told him he had to move?

i tend to deal with these those feelings by breaking things, breaking walls, attacking myself, maybe spend some time on the floor, etc.

afterwards im quite drained and hardly capable of thinking well enough to understand what just happened.

Wow, I'm so glad you posted. So sorry that your day was tough but as the Mom of an Aspie I am trying so hard to help my son who is 12 cope and he gets that way too. Kids throwing yarn and putting it on his head and stuff I tell him maybe they are trying to include him to laugh with them but he says can't I see they are teasing him because they know he doesn't like it. Now I see he is in sensory overload cause they are on a field trip and have been on a very noisy bus for an hour. Sometimes I think I need a little notebook to remind myself of things, like if he has been on a bus for an hour he may be having sensory issues! Boy do I really feel VERY NT right now. He has been texting me during this ordeal. This sight is alot of help. I'm sorry that that jerk feels the need to block your access to a plug. I wish there were some way to simply handle people like him but as you see with me trying so desperately to help my son and I am so feeble at it...It is true...You can't fix stupid!

Im sorry your day was so bad, but do not fear, you are not alone in getting worked up over things like this.

When I was at school I used to sing the whole time and it used to help me cope, I still do a lot of the time.

I don't know if singing can be stimming, but thats exactly how it felt, and no one really cared except for odd looks except for this one boy in my history class and he would go on and on and on at me which would make me sing more and more and more and he then thought I was doing that on purpose. One day he got the teacher to tell me to be quiet and I never got into trouble. I ended up crying, rocking shaking...just because the teacher told me to shhh.

I find time on my own is the only way to calm down.
If im at home I look at my lights, if im out shopping I sit in a corner somewhere (I got told off yesterday because someone was going to trip over me. Stupid) When I was at school I hid in corners of the library.

I, too, react like that sometimes. I can go from being perfectly calm (or at least relatively calm) to a state of total panic, frustration, rage, or whatever in a matter of seconds if the right (wrong?) person does the right (wrong?) think at the right (wrong?) moment. It can be so annoying how selfish people are. Just try your best to take deep breaths and realize that negative emotions and thoughts get you nowhere. The only thing you can do is breathe, calm yourself down in any way you can (perhaps thinking "happy thoughts" or listening to some favorite music), and then try to carry on with your day. Hope that helps, and I'm sorry you had a rough day. I definitely know how you feel.

The OP sounds just like me when I was in high school. I was constantly intentionally annoyed by the "dumb jock" classmates because they knew they could cause me to go into a angry fit.

I get like that too - mostly when it would be so easy for someone to help me and they refuse, or when there are rules for a good reason, and I play by them, then someone else breaks them and gets away with it.

I used to get violent about it (my poor little brother got the worst of it), and it's still really hard not to. I usually leave where ever I am and walk quickly in just any direction. I have an iPod on me at all times, and about half an hour of listening to good music and getting away from everything calms me down. Very inconvenient to have to leave, but better than injuring someone. If walking someplace isn't possible, small spaces are good too, but most of the time it's too likely someone will find me before I've calmed down, which just upsets me and I have to start over.

I'm really glad I'm not the only one who feels this - it was Heather on ANTM snapping at the other girls that made me think I might have AS in the first place. Before that I just thought I was selfish and immature and got mad at myself for not being able to deal with little things like other people could.

I know the feeling all too well.

_________________
~ Carrie
It's just me and I'll find a way to make it (Blue October/It's Just Me)