Does he have Aperger's?

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Ok, I don't think I've posted this before and if I have I don't remember, but I don't think so.

There's a guy I have worked with for 3 years and from the beginning I seemed to have felt some sort of connection to him so I tried getting to know him. It started out by me asking someone what his name is, big mistake! The person I asked told others I was after him and I think it got back to him. After that it seemed like he was avoiding me. I started saying hi to him and that's all we've ever been able to say to each other because trying to talk seemed incredibly awkward, for both of us.

I was soon after that DX'd with AS and I didn't think anything of it at first but I soon realized he has a lot of the symptoms. I've tried so hard to talk to him but it's just about impossible. So I wrote him to try to explain to him that I wasn't after him but still all he ever did was say hi. It seemed like the trying to get to know him got harder and more impossible and he became more distant. So I wrote him again to try to explain to him that I just wanted to know him. Still nothing. It's at the point now where we don't even hardly say hi because I'm afraid to look at him but I don't know how to let him know the real reason I want to know him. I would love to know someone else with AS and if he has it then that would explain that connection to him I've always felt.

Here's what I know about him...he has a rigid walk, almost like a child whose just learning to walk, one arm swings, but the other stays stiff. He doesn't talk a lot but he does seem to talk a lot to people he knows but he also seems to like to be alone, left alone and work alone. He comes across rude and cold but something to me tells me deep down he's a very caring person. He's really observant of other people but if he knows someone is looking at him he turns away and acts like he doesn't even want to be seen. He can be clumsy sometimes, I've seen him choke on pop and I was told by someone else one time he tripped and barely caught himself from falling on the floor, face first. He lives with his parents, appears to love pets, and has never been married but is well in his 40's. As far as I know he's never had a girlfriend but he sure likes to watch the women but is extremely, almost painfully shy around them, especially if one whom he doesn't know tries to talk to him, it's awkward. He acts like some 12 year old school boy and the hottest girl in class is teasing him. He's got kind of an odd sense of humor and I've been told it can be crude sometimes, almost a teenagerish sense of humor. He seems to like the same routine and has had the same low paying job all of his life even though he has a degree. I've been told by someone who knew him in high school that he doesn't lie, steal or cheat.

All of that to me says AS and I want so bad to just go ahead and write him and tell him I have it but I'm so afraid to. I don't tell anyone I have it unless I know them well. It appears I can trust him since I've written him before but the more I write him the more distant and cold he becomes toward me, I feel as if I've invaded his world. I think he thinks I'm stalking him and maybe I am but because I'm so desperate to know.

Since I have AS I think actually I would react the same way he does but now I don't know what to do about it. Just let it go or go ahead and let him know. And if he doesn't have it then he might be offended. I think I've already freaked him out by writing him but I always feel like I have to explain myself and he could get me in huge trouble because I work with him. Oh man, this is long but if anyone reads this I just want to know what others think.

Alot of that sounds like me. You should just walk up to him and tell him.

I forgot to add, I know of a time when someone got in the way of his routine or getting his work done and he got mad, I mean, furious...lol. He carried on about it for hours from what I understand. He also seems to have an interest in atiques but I don't know to what extent.

Josie, I've thought about doing that. Like catching him at his car or something and just telling him but when I imagine doing that I panic, I don't know if I could talk, so I don't know. I might be working with him more soon so I'll see more of him and maybe that will help me get the courage up to do it.

me too. I want to tell my x- friend/co worker I could have AS but would panic. I have only told one or two people.
You should just catch him at a good time when there is no distractions.

Maybe you could call his mother

It sounds very possible he could have it. I can seriously relate to him.

On somethings I can. I have had boyfriends before.

Sounds like it.

But I would just leave him be. Even if he does have it, I don't think that...
1. he would want to be accused of having it if he doesn't already know and
2. if he does have it he probably wouldn't admit it to someone he hardly knows, no matter how nice you are.

Or....


Since you know his routine, sneak into it by saying hi to him everyday when he goes to get a drink of water or something. And do that everyday for like 2 mths, at the same time.

And then just stop doing it.

If he is you'll possibly hear about it.

Rofl

I don't know about you, but this would p**s me clean the hell off.

Well, that's kind of already happened. We have said hi to each other for so long in a manner that kind of reminds me of Dustin Hoffman in "Rainman". I've noticed if I look at him he says hi but when I don't, which I haven't lately, he doesn't. It's funny too because I'm the same way, if someone walks by me and it looking at me I'll say hi but I'm really thinking "What are you looking at!? Why are you looking at me!? Stop it!" So I blurt out hi and they say hi and then it's a relief when they walk on by with no more incident. Now here lately I'm wondering if that's what's going on with him. Like now he's like "Whew, good, she's not looking at me. I can stare at her."

You made a good point though about how he would feel if I accused him of having it. But I wouldn't accuse him of having it. I would just let him know I have it then leave him alone and give it time and see if he eventually loosens up around me. If he does have it at least he'll understand my behavior towards him better, I think.

This obsessive thinking about him has driven me crazy.

I don't know if he is but you certainly remind me of me...I was always having a "person of the year" obsession. Sometimes I got to date them and even turned into a relaationship but sometimes ...not. It sucks. Much better to be obsessed with obtaining information and objects...people are so complicated with their on needs/like and dislikes.


Some times persistence does pay off though, so keep it up until he files for the restraining order..JK

Nothing winds me up more than people on the way to school all saying hi,then one day everyone blanks me.I thought it was very unaspie of me because i had read that aspies hate saying hello.I would rather they say hi everyday or not at all.

I hate saying hello. I usually just wait until they talk to me. I remember never wanting to say hi when I was little.

I agree completely Krex, with all of it. Sometimes I feel like the serial killer who's just waiting to be caught and knowing it's a matter of time. Then when the time comes I can say "What took you so long?"

Possibly. Or he'll avoid you like the plague afterwards.

Its a tough call.