Do you lack the drive to progress in life?

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I'm finding more and more, that I seem to get uninspired often. That even though I should be working on my resume to get a graphic design job, that will allow me to do what I love for work, and further progress to eventually create my own graphic design firm, I will get depressed in a way, think i'm not worth it, and then i'll go and do something menial, like play world of warcraft, or download songs off the internet to put onto my I-Pod.

I often have fantasies of living in a house in the mountains or on a farm, all by myself, playing the computer, painting models (warhammer), drawing, painting, photographing and watching my favourite shows and DvDs.

Though, I also now and then get the spark, that I might be wasting my life, and i'm getting older by the day and people my age are earning big money, travelling the world and all i want to do is do nothing. So I will get an idea in my head, maybe make a few stupid decisions, or might actually accomplish something, but soon after I'll hit a slump where I really don't care and suddenly that farm-house becomes the most ideal place in the universe.

Right now, I have a fantasy of dissappearing to America, and starting a new life there. Even though I just bought a new computer to try and start a graphic design business.

Does anyone else go through this cycle, or have a similar issue with status or aspirations?

I feel the same way. Sometimes I want to go forward and do online classes for College and get my AA and yet sometimes I am saddened since they ARE ONLINE CLASSES! I loved the school environment but since I don't drive and don't believe in taking the bus I have to do the next best thing and sadly I tryed one online class once and HATED IT! THERE'S NO TEACHER INTERACTION IT'S BORING! Sadly due to my social skills which is connected to AS my parents insist that I screwed up and should do online classes. (I was suspened from college.)

i know the exact feeling. there have been so many things that i have wanted to do in my life, but have figured that i'm 'not good enough' or like you say, 'not worth it' in my own mind to pursue these things. even when it comes to that farm in the country, i even have my eye on the property that once belonged to my grandparents, and even though i know i should be saving my money, or at least obtaining a job that would get me enough money to be able to purchase that property, i figure, 'why bother, i'll never be able to have it anyways.' and that is probably the worst attitude we can have, but, alas, it is the way we are i guess!

i don't exactly know how to get out of the rut, this way of thinking. it has eluded me my entire life, and i'm not sure how to get out of it myself. knowing there are others out there who have the same feelings makes me feel a little better, though! i know there have been times where i have felt inspired enough to make a go at something, but then, those old feelings kick in, and i give up. i'm hoping that one of these days, the inspiration and the drive and determination will stick around long enough to battle past all the negative thinking and i'll acutally succeed at doing what i really want to do!

funny you mention your fantasy about disappearing to america and starting a new life...i've had some similar thoughts about heading to europe or britain...lol. nothing like a little escape. (or running away from your problems.... )

good luck to you, i hope you have some success with it. i know it isn't easy.

I don't lack the drive, but I feel overlooked and unappreciated. I feel like no matter how good I try to be, it's not good enough for people.

That's me for sure. But I have to work in my business, around people, to pay the rent, etc. I love nature, being out in the country and if that's your dream I hope you find a way to achieve it.

I don't lack the drive. Things just seem to come easily for me.

Where things don't go well, I cope by
-Planning ahead. This includes ways I could compensate.
-Handle one thing at a time.
-Tell myself not to worry.
-Keeping things in perspective.
-Having realistic expectations.
-Avoiding thoughts that could remind me of how much more others have (e.g., social skills).

I know I can have a normal life if I try, especially where social skills are concerned.

As far as Asperger's goes, I hope that my Asperger's will not be noticeable several years from now. I also know that many aspy husbands are emotionally distant or abusive. I promised myself never to be that way.

I definitely lack the ambitions that others have, and I felt bad about it for a long time and tried to do what they did anyway. It went badly. I'm satisfied with what I want now, peace and quiet and my own deadlines.

I'm setting up my life so I can live on a farm out in the country and spend my days doing the things which get me food and power and shelter. I'm hoping no matter how uninspired I feel, I'll find the energy to keep myself alive.

Everyone around me is getting ready to do their PhDs or at least get a fancy job with their masters and I just can't get interested in that stuff. I'm planning to learn to build houses so I have a skill I can market in case farming goes badly.

I as well. This whole world and all the things that society deems important, I for the life of me can't understand the logic to it all.

In years past, I have had a very hard time to go for what I want in life. It got to the point that I felt selfish and greedy even looking for a better job. Then I realized that, no, I am not... and no one else is going to help me. So, I accepted this "evil" view of myself and went forward. Down the road, I shifted my view and felt more like being responsible for myself than greedy.

Still it is hard for me to justify to myself doing things in life such as a career.

Then a few weeks ago I realized something else. I always need a plan and goals in order to function. I was lacking some of this for the long-term. That helped me big time. Some of the things that I procrastinated on and cringed at became small when only seen as one little step in the grand scheme of things.

Hope this helps.

Me too, for sure. I tend to get really discouraged and feel like I can't do anything. What helps is talking with someone who disagrees with you. Like today, I was talking to one of my former teachers, who was like "yeah, you'll have no problem getting a job" and I was like ! Whether he's right or wrong, it helped me to hear something positive.

Yeah, I have this problem and I think the real cause is anxiety of failing (based on past eperiences) and depression, (that I don't know how to do so many things other adults seem able to do, even though I am 44). It can make escape into fantasy a tempting alternative. However, reality is what keeps me from being homeless and allows me to eat...things I truely value. So I try and break the process of job hunting into small steps and try not to beat myself up when it takes me longer to do those things then some others. I thinl people who have executive function problems find these multi-step procedures very over whelming, especially when you are plagued by self doubts....will I be able to pull this off?

Although there are many services for AS youth(not enough but at least some), there seems to be no/little help once you pass 18. You could start by imagining what the end result would be if someone excepted your resume...are you affraid that it wont be good enough, that you won't do well in the interview, that once you get a job people won't like you or you will do something wrong and you will get fired ? I think these negative thoughts can block me from actually trying. I am often not even aware that I am thinking these things. So...what are you telling yourself ? Can you change those messages to something more hopeful ?


I am going through this process myself right now....I know how much it sucks and I hope someday there is some help for aspies looking for work.

Yeppers. Got more interesting things to do.

Yes. I don't want a normal life. Most people are in such a rush, racing towards nothing. I just want to wander around freely and see where I wind up. (I'll probably end up homeless but oh well)

Its good to see I'm not alone.

I also worry about getting to my farm, and realising that I don't want to be alone. Which I guess is good, because it keeps me in check and stops me from potentially making a bad decision.

Part of my problem, as well, is, I'm pretty good at almost anything I do, or put my mind to. I can pick things up easily. Kind of like the term, Jack of all trades, master of none. I have no qualifications, which adds to the frustration, even if I do think i'm good at something. Its like another roadblock.

But despite me being good at something, I always get disillusioned, or think that others do it better to an extent that I'm not good enough to do it professionally.

Even when I do get inspired, usually my envisioned end goal is too much effort. Like when I'm writing my resume, I get a brain block / Dyscalculia and the effort to press on is too much compared to something else which is easy, like chucking on TV.

I usually spend time I could use for doing something productive, doing something that is solely for my enjoyment in that moment, and outside of that moment, probably doesn't garner much advantage or progress in the greater scheme of things. I did my HSC (high school certificate - for those in US, the school before College), on the basis of avoiding stress and study as much as possible, and my exams relied solely on my adaptive skill and intelligence.

This has carried through to my adult life, where I could probably do a lot more involved work, but it is too scary, too much effort, that I would prefer an easy mundane job, than pushing myself to achieve.

I often get inspired when other people see something good in me, however when I start actually trying to live up to the hype or achieve something when I'm inspired, I get distracted, uninspired or depressed.

Pretty much, unless I do something or focus on something as soon as I think of it, it doesn't get done.

Yes. Yes. Yes. For a long time I tried to succeed with the world on its terms. Sometimes I did okay, sometimes I failed. But I remember having the thought a couple of years ago, "Where I'm at in my life right now, if I didn't get past this place and way of being, just stayed like this or a variation on it forever, I would be happy." So my "ambition" is not so much to get ahead in life but to be able to live where I want, hopefully somewhere clean and safe and above the poverty level, and to live each day fully on my own terms in spite of everything.

I wonder about this topic, incidentally, whenever I read reports of aspies being "underemployed." I wonder how often this is by choice?

Last edited by delia43 on 19 May 2008, 11:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well said.

My thought for today is that we control our fate. Nothing can stop us from doing what we want for ourselves. Why not make it happen?