How to help an Aspie feel more comfortable....

Post Reply New Topic

Is there a way to make an Aspie feel more comfortable when being around another person? One of my favorite people has Aspergers and when we go out (as friends) he is extremely uncomfortable. At the first he is fine, but as the time spent together gets longer he becomes more uncomfortable. Especially when we go out to eat and he sits opposite me. His stims get more noticeable and I feel bad for him. I love spending time with this person and want to continue going places with them. Do you have any suggestions?

hmmm..

sometimes theres just nothing that anyone can do to make things 'more comfortable'

hey, it sounds like you guys get along pretty good though, you are probably already doing a lot to make things pretty good for him..

im pretty much doubting that it's the you part of spending time with you that gets him less comfortable..

so maybe something like being able to go somewhere that's quiet could help

sometimes, compromise is needed, maybe you would like to be able to spend a certain amount of time in certain places with him...

i'll compare this to a simple example with my gf, sometimes she wants to stand within a certain proximity to me and speak at a certain volume and i end up having to tell her that i need her to either quiet down some or back up a bit because at that time she's just loud to me to the point that i don't want to be hearing her at all, but it's not her that i don't want to be hearing, it's just the loudness.

ya quiet place is great

alcohol

or then it just makes him rock more:/....its really depending person oh and most aspies like pressure..there was a thread about it somewhere...

My wife prefers to go to quiet out of the way restaurants as opposed to trendy crowded loud restaurants if we go out to eat, or we tend to order in

Simple. Get him talking about a subject he's interested in. You might want to bring a book to read while he's talking to you. He probably won't notice.

One other thing. You've probably noticed that a lot of people don't like your aspie friend. He's noticed this too. It isn't something that happens just once in a while. Most people ain't got as much humanity as you.

You might want to try going somewhere where there aren't other people in close proximity. A picnic might be better than a restaurant. Or maybe someplace where it's assumed he won't be expected to have any interaction with the other people there, like the zoo on a slow day, or a park, or a museum.

Ever seen the movie Mozart and the Whale? There's a scene where the female aspie character is talking to the aspie male on Halloween. "Let's go to the mall," she says, "Everybody there will be in costume, so nobody will notice us. That's what I love about Halloween."

u been in army..im sure u would do it fine

I should have told more in the post. I do like this person (very much so), but at this time he is not ready to be in any sort of relationship. And I know he likes me as a person. I'm trying to strengthen our friendship at the moment. That evening it was my idea to take him to a bookstore. (A love that we both have) and he likes Chinese so I took him to a little restaurant that is dark and private. I knew that all evening he was some what uncomfortable, but when he was put in front of me I watched the stims become more apparent. This was the first time we had been out any where together, but we have spent most of the last year talking on the internet and we do have other plans to go places this summer. I know that keeping the outings short is probably a good idea, but I would like to eventually get him desentisized to me. He admitts that besides family that he is uncomfortable being around anyone, so I know it's just not me. I have a tremendous amount of respect for him and think he is a very beautiful person. It's very important to me that he be as comfortable around me as he can be.

Any help would be appreciated,

Sands

It sounds like your friend has the same problem I do, which is that even when you are around someone you like, it is very tiring. Try setting a time limit on the excursion (one hour, two hours, etc.). That way your friend knows when it is time to go home, and he won't have to feel awkward suggesting that you two part when he gets overwhelmed. I find that I am much happier when there is a time limit on the amount of time I'm spending with someone, as "parting" is very stressful for me, and anticipating it is even more so. I just never know how to end a social occasion, so having a set time limit helps a lot.