October 15th, 2005
October 19th is my birthday. I started
the year(January) with wondering where the
release from the hostel would be and only
hope of a job(Quizno's). I would have been
homeless.
By March, I would have been suggested
to check out Aspergers. This was the
beginning of a journey that I wouldn't know
how to conclude. I still don't know how
it will end, but I have made sure I wasn't
disillusioned. If I see potential failure, I
would assume the feelings of failure, so
when or if not failure at all failure occur I
would have properly faced these feelings
in preparation for whatever was needed.
I did complete much review in Autism
Spectrum Disorder. I then discovered out
of many choices in sites WrongPlanet.net.
I would let it be a place(past tense) for
bloodletting and voicing and helping.
Without this occuring I would not be in a
post-DX position to consider, and that is
why I grieve for those like me who don't
see that opportunity now on wrongplanet.
The world isn't pg13, nor are all feelings
contrary to what-some-want-to-see as
popular belief. Disney is just a studio,
not a real thing.
Later I did a road trip with minimal cash.
I met some members here and there
and realized even in the autism spectrum
individuals, my sexual past that allowed me
to explore feeling in many ways; including
my words and stories would greatly offend
the later generation posters and betrayal
occured. I know trust no one even with
autism since there has been betrayal in
my path even there. BeeBee and Pyraxis
are the last 2 I trust.
It was suggested that I find another site,
but I dont want another broken heart that
deciept has broken. My arrival at Apple
Valley, Minesota led to a stable housing that
is allowing a exploring of the options that
weren't available in California. I now have
a Diagnoses, and no regret.
I was scared when the VAT, vocational
apptitude test, may have been denied and all
I saw here was $600 per month in a Target job.
That, as I should know, wouldn't house me here
and California. I got confirmation that there
is one on Friday.
I was verbally lashing at Pyraxis about how
only a DX and $600 meant that in 20 years of
no hope equals can collecting and $200 per month
in Social Security. That would by by age 62, or
2028. I was destructive in words about myself
since i have seen much despair and to no avail
my kindness and being left out of life by me being
myself and not accepted as such.
I am here for the winter. I have my comics,
and computer stuff. I may be stranded, but BeeBee
has shown much faith in me, and I thank her for
allowing meto stay here. The reality is $600 a
month from a Target would just lead me down the
darkness called homelessness. I still hope for
that college degree by 45.
The next steps are the VAT and assessed job
assignments to see my strenghts and weaknesses.
I have no idea where that is going to go. I thank
BeeBee for her patience with me, though she realistically
is unable to be emotional support, at least
I am not dishoused(winter 05'-06'). I hold no
guarentees past that point. I thank Pyraxis for her
tolerating my stepping into darknesses way, and
confronting it and she being on the recieving(listening)
end. Muchhhhhh thanks, and this is where wrongplanet
should have had a role, but the current form is PG13,
and I live in a PG17 world.
I didn't travel 1000's of miles for dishousing, but
leave here a better person. Not much to ask, and I
am sad that wrongplanet has become what it is, thus
darkness has taken it's toll on me. And future PG17
Ghosthunters like me are denied another expression cave.