How do you deal with tactile defensiveness?

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Quick background: I'm not on the spectrum and this is the first time I've experienced anything like this at age 29. I recognized a similarity to what I was experiencing and what I see my ASD stepson experiences.

About 6 months ago I started having serious discomfort when my hands would get wet to the point of being waterlogged and pruny. Touching anything when my hands are in this condition causes me to get that 'nails on a chalkboard' feeling, and if I persist in touching I will start dry heaving. This has caused huge problems with bathing myself and my son, washing dishes, etc. These are not tasks I can avoid, and I need to be able to deal with my discomfort.

What has worked for those of you with sensory disorders? I'm considering trying systematic desensitization, but I want to hear at least ONE person tell me it has worked for them before I put myself through an unpleasant experience like that. Do any of you have any other neat tricks to help you? For example, I've noticed my DSS is able to eat foods with certain textures he dislikes if he is rubbing his bare feet on our dog - otherwise he gags.

i use part desensitization, part overpowering and part ignoring.
the overpowering is something simular to rubbing your feet against the dog, but in my case; i use things like curling my toes in my shoes, or i force the fingernails of my unused hand (assuming i have one) into my handpalms, to provide a stronger (but better copable) input then the one bothering me, and the ignoring speaks for itself; i force away the concious perception of the discomfort by thinking about something completely unrelated; an essay i still have to write, the tv show i just saw, anything.

desensitization happened over time though; i didn't actively train myself into it, but i realised i need less of the other two techniques then i did years ago, so i must have desentisized to a certain extend...

How do I deal with my tactile sensory issues? With great, great difficulty. I make all the accommodations I can, but it's a daily struggle. Some days are just absolutely miserable and make me feel violently angry inside from all the pressure and sensations. Worst thing about my Asperger's BY FAR. Desensitization isn't even possible for me. One of my biggest sensory issues is getting wet. And I have to endure getting a bath every other day. (Every day is too much to take.) While baths are better than showers because I don't have to get my face wet, the fact is that I still have to get wet frequently. I cannot avoid that. And no matter how much exposure I have, the intensity and aversion remains the same.

I hate being wet too. What I'd do is constantly dry my hands. My hands also get dry too so I put a tiny bit of sorbolene cream on them and then I can't touch anything for a while.

What is desensitisation? Where can I get me some?

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Distracting myself is the best way to deal. Ignoring is second best

I hate feeling dirty dry hands, I have to think about anything and everything else until I can get them clean again

I also cop overload from shopping, and ignoring is best bet.

In either case, get completely focused on something else

I hate wet. I use barrier creams - like Vaseline, or specifically designed barrier creams that you might use for building / outdoors work. I have no problem with oily / greasy / waxy. The barrier prevents the skin from getting wet and makes gardening and washing much easier. Barrier creams work best if applied to dry skin straight after thorough washing.

Dry skin brushing has had a massive benefit for my skin sensitivity. I often suffer extreme skin pain, triggered by the lightest touch or breeze. Brushing over the affected areas, and over the full length of all four limbs, every morning and every night, has reduced the pain very effectively. I use a surgeon's scrub brush, but a relatively soft hair brush would work.

I have tried some exposure therapy. It was very simple, but I could not cope with it. The first version was using wet moisturising cream (the really cheap stuff that pharmacists sell in big tubs) all over dry skin, which was horrible. The second was to get an all-over body-wash / shower gel and rub that directly on wet skin in the shower, instead of using soap or a flannel or a sponge. I should try it again, but found it very unpleasant.

Thick, natural-fibre clothing down to the toes and fingers, all year round, helps to avoid light touch. A decent layer of cotton next to the skin and thicker cotton or wool over-clothes means the skin only receives fairly deep pressure sensations most of the time.

My OT says that dealing with the other senses (I have fairly strong sensitivity to sound too) will also benefit the tactile defensiveness. I have used auditory integration therapy, but I don't think it has had nearly the same benefit as the skin brushing.

I'm very appreciative of your responses, thank you. I will be trying some of these strategies to cope.