Hi what do you think

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Hi there,

I already posted this msg to somebody in a pm. But I would also like to get some opinions from others. I appreciate your time. Sorry I know this is a long one.

I am hoping that you can help me figure out if I am autistic. Even some answers to my questions or speculation to what I have to say. If you don't mind taking the time to read this..it may become a long messege. I can give you some scenarios and questions as well.

I am 28 years old male. I am begining to research autism. I have been researching myself for quite some time. I'm tired of being called weird or different...at least without some reasoning behind the vastness of it.

My ex gf used to tell me that she could not understand me. That I didn't make sense sometimes. This was so frustrating for me. Because sometimes it seems so hard to express myself, what I feel or think inside. To me it's all mapped out and completely understood in my head. But it at times it appears to be either beyond other peoples understanding orrr beyond my capabilities to find the correct words. And this can be about many things..love, concepts, my beliefs etc.

I've been called many things: Confused, eccentric, quiet, weird or freaky, different, odd..know what I mean?

This past fall time I wrote, or well tried to write a multiple question exam. The exam determines what I am good at, what I like etc and helps me figure out a list of careers that would best suit me. The test consisted of 3 smaller tests. I made it through the first one, but on to the second one I got so frustrated with myself. I was frustrated because I contradicted myself so many times on the test. The test has certain questions asked over and over in different words and phrases. I guess this is to help eliminate or add up the things I do or don't like doing. Anyhow, I noticed my answer changed every time it was worded differently. And eventually I got so frustrated with myself that I threw away the test.

I am always in touch with reading people. A lot of the time it feels fake and unappreciated. Almost like my conscience won't work and it's weak. But much of the time I manage to manage and move along. But it took me a long time to learn how to do that. When I was younger I struggled with it the most. I was quiet and always in my own world.

I fantasize often and day dream. I have day dreams that I continue or refresh often. Most of them are honestly, and I hate to admit it, are about domination or having some sort of power. At times I am convinced of such powers or energy that do exist. But that might just be a matter of opinion rather than an effect of a disorder, correct? I don't know.

I love shapes and patterns. You might say I am sort of obsessed with them, as they always catch my eyes. Because of this I am very good at making maps in my head. I've been doing delivery for work for 4 or so years now. I delivered pizza mainly, now I deliver semi parts. It has come in very handy for me. I don't even have to build the image in my head, it's just there when I refer to it. I just moved to this city 3 months ago and it is huge! I'm not used to a large city like this. But now 3 months later I can get around most of the city without refering to an actual map. It's already up in my head. My aunty is surprised, she said I probably know the city better than her. And she's been living here for more than 20 years.

These days I am much better than I used to be when I was younger. When I was younger I threw fits and kicked walls..but I coped with it and learnt to handle my temper...There are times though, sometimes are harder than others. I am normally pretty good with people, but there are times, and they can last days, weeks or months. Where I become socially inept, I become more and more inward. Where I would rather just think than to be out doing things.

Alcohol and party atmospheres like bars or clubs became a regular thing for me on weekends at some points. They were perfect because I could manage to get lots of thinking done while I made rounds around the bar, inbetween talking with people that I knew. I know that drinking is never a solution. It did help me to socialise more. Now I only have drinks once in a while..I didn't want to get in a bad habbit..I hate habbits. Smoking and a can of pepsi a day are more than enough as it is.

Anyhow, I'm going on telling my whole life story so I'll wrap this up. What do you think of what I have said. Maybe you can relate with me and have some speculation for me. Might you have some questions to ask me or need anymore elaboration on anything?

thank you for taking your time to read this, I really appreciate it. I have have been so frustrated.

Hi, Welcome to Wrong Planet

Terminological note: I'm not sure what to think about the HFA (high functioning autism) versus AS (Asperger syndrome) debate, and whether they are the same or different, for now I'll just say AS to mean either.

You sound like you have some AS traits - whether or not you count as having AS or not probably depends on whether the traits are causing problems for you or not. If they are mild enough that you manage to have a decent social life and hold a job without too much effort, then you probably don't have it - it would be strange to be diagnosed with something classed as a disability if you are able to do all the same things as typical people.

There will be exceptions to this - people who have to work really hard just to get to an average or slightly below average standard - or people who had big problems as children who have found ways to overcome these probably still count.

I'm worried that my possible AS is too mild to count. I learned how to manage socially although I'm seen as very weird, but I am very distracted by my narrow interests and panic and freeze easily at a change in plans to the point that it makes studying and working difficult. Because of this, I strongly suspect I have AS, but I'm withholding final judgment until I have seen a specialist. If such an option is available to you, and the peace of mind of knowing from an expert would help, perhaps you should seek an official diagnosis. Check out the possible implications for your employability and insurance premiums first though!

No one here can tell you for sure whether or not you have it, and I'm sure a few people will disagree with me, but I hope this is helpful anyway.

Well, I don't have enough to go on. You very well could be though. Keep in mind that autism and/or AS ARE from birth, no matter what anyone says, so you would have seen symptoms then, even if slight. Does your perception seem to be skewed? With various senses overly, or less, sensitive?

The test you described sounds like a "personality" test used for some jobs. They ask questions different ways, and change circumstances, to SUPPOSEDLY see if you are lying, and narrow them down. Those tests usually ask about coworker behaviour, and various mistakes, and ask what you would do. Since they don't want to bother checking them, they are multiple choice/true false. Of course, the nature of the test means that even a correct answer may be deemed incorrect because of another question not matching.

I took such a test at LEAST once(I might have twice), and got JUST as frustrated, so I don't blame you. Some circumstances were changed enough that most honest people would have answered them differently, but they were poorly worded and close enough that I think they wanted the SAME answer.

maybe.. its really hard even for you to know.- im awaiting diagnosis, but keep finding out more things i would not even have thuoght were related to a/s, which seem fairly common. eg- trouble filling out forms (but voracious reader), trouble cooking sometimes etc. i would not have related those at all...

i honestly found this test helpful-
http://www.msnbc.com/modules/newsweek/a ... efault.asp

(speaking of which- ive had the letter to make the phonecall to make an appointment for a week, but have still not called it!! some, tiny thngs area really hard!! !! !! !! !)
anyway- this website-w/p- was really useful to me- just reading the posts from other people- i spent hours reading other peoples' comments and getitng freaked out by what people said- it was more relivant to me than any explantion of a/s id read elsewhere.
ive even read comments from people- here and elsewhere- which are verbatim my comments baout myself; like sometimes i feel people are speaking a foreign language, i find them so hard to understand.
i have to leave now as a smell of cooking is making me sick...and i was woken up by a neighbour frying bacon (the smell of it- ugh)- i have over- sensativity to smell, light, nise, touch and used also to have taste. though this is more of a perception issue- some quietish noises can drive me INSANE. and light touch can really give me the heebie geebies- and angora- ooh- i ahve goose bumps just thinking of it- can make me feel really sick!! !!

and i also have inflam bowel disease, which noone seems to mention much, but has been linked to autism..
good luck in your search. call the autism society- (if you live in the uk- there must be one similar in the US) they are ace. i assume they all have family members with autism, as they dont get annoyed when you call and mumble and go silent etc- .

Now YOU sound like you might be autistic/AS. As for IBS, or whatever, some DO mention it. It isn't exactly something that just comes up in posts. Your reasons for procrastinating, and hypersensitivity certainly sounds autistic/as.

hey- yes, i tihnk so too... i'd bet a lot of money id be mid- high scoring.
shame all those 'prefessionals' overlooked it/ said def not. i only hear of a/s a few weeks ago. s

and inflammatory bowel disease is pretty much like autism of the stomach- I have hypersensativity to all foods- even water!! it all makes me SO ill. thankfully, chocolate and crisps (chips, in the us) do least of all. and lettuice. but cherries, ice cream, aubergine etc- will lay me out for at least an hour. ive given up trying to get treatment for this..
its very very sad- i HATED most foods (except toast and yoghurts etc) as a kid- then finally started eating normally when i was in my early20s. had baout 3 years of good diet- now everyhting makes me ill.. now i love food!! its very cruel.
but good luck OP!

Welcome to WP!

Thanks to everybody who replied! It's just nice to have a place to talk and support about whats going on and what might possibly be. Your information has been very usefull for me.

I'll answer some questions. 2ukenkerl asked me if my perception seems to be skewed. And yes, I've been told this before that my perceptions are skewed. And yes my senses are at time overly and others less, as if none at all. Most of the time I think that my conscious is really weak and that I rely completely on what I know what is right or wrong. Rather than to do the right thing because it feels right. Yet other times I feel much more sensitive, and almost too sensitive.

Also, at times I have a very tough time trying to understand people. Almost like when they are talking to me that everything sounds like blurred noise. I just sit there and nod my head, and try to catch up with what they are talking about. Before I know it the whole conversation is blown and it seems that the person I was talking to notice and probably think I don't care to listen. But thats not it, because I really wanted to listen, but I just can't interpret anything. Usually I walk away without saying much. There are times alike these as well. When I am easily distracted by anything. Cars going by. I study the shapes of thing in my surroundings...and I don't realise that I do it until I turn back to them and remember somebody is still talking to me...or walking away.

I don't mean to be inconsiderate, mindless or a bore in conversations. I wish I could be on it every time that I am talking with somebody.

On another note. I have been the way that I am for as long as I can remember. Since I was a little boy. But I don't remember enough of my childhood to remember if I was like this when I was between the ages of birth to 5. I think that is normal for anybody probably.

I want to be carefull about getting diagnosis. Last year I had an incident at work that I lost 5 and maybe up to 10 seconds of my memory while I was in a dangerous place where I could fall. And I nearly did fall when I came to. When I came back to consciousness I was confused and lost. I jumped off the lift I was riding. luckly I was at one of the floors so I didn't fall down between the floors....I spoke to a doctor about this and he tried to have me taken away from work and he took away my drivers licence. At work I just worked on ground level for a while to ensure my own safety and I had no licence for a few months. The doctor thought I had a seizure. I got my licence back when I was clean of any incidents for 6 months. And I havn't had any like that time since then. Thankfully, cause it was scary!

Anyhow I just mainly wanted to thank you people and answer some questions. thanks, add any further thoughts if you wish.

Robert