Coming to Terms with Chaos

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There have been the odd few people who have accused me of not being very Aspergian, and I would personally put it down to one factor: I have personally come to terms with the fact that Chaos is the natural state of the Universe. Change is far more natural than a Static state, and as such I have spent much of my life trying to reprogram my subconscious around that... to the degree that at least in SOME respect (distinctly not in others) change has become my system. It still doesn't mean I cope well with dramatic shifts in the RATE of change... but such are the ways of chaos.

And I admit... it isn't easy. I have had to move homes a lot throughout my life (at least 16 times that I can count), and every single time it is a pain in the butt. I've had to move home in different ways, with help from different people. I've been in drastically different countries (staying for months, though not living there) with different cultures... and somehow coped.
My routines are always disrupted to such an extent that sometimes I get suspicious if they're not. I've learnt not to get annoyed at the bus if it isn't on time, as the bus is as unpredictable as the rest. My designated shower times are usually interrupted by someone else's hair being clogged in the drain. I just put up with it and move on.
I've had to change my diet quite a few times.... though every single one has included cheese in some way, shape or form. Regardless, I have forced myself to change what I eat occasionally, whether for cost-related reasons or simply because stagnancy was setting in.


What actually kept me going throughout it all however.... was my Nihilism: The ultimate realisation that nothing I nor anyone else does is of any consequence, relevance nor meaning. That basically, if I might as well do anything, then I might as well attune myself to the way of the Universe and go with the flow..... and as it happens, that equates to change... entropy... and deconstruction.
The Universe is going to change... with me or without me. Everything in it changes, and that is unavoidable. And frankly, the discomfort I'd gain from trying to remain in the same lifestyle perpetually is going to outweigh in the long run the discomfort of changing some of my ways to suit my situation.


While I don't believe in importance, as such, I would reckon that subjectively speaking, if one really seeks to gain any sense of personal achievement in life, it is more likely to be managed by being flexable than rigid.

Oh, see I would say the opposite to whoever said you're not very Aspergian, I think your nihilism fits perfectly with the idea that Aspies are loners who are indifferent to other people. I think I'm pretty similar to you, when you said you're suspicious if the routine is not interrupted and the universe bla bla bla. When something interrupts my schedule, I say "Of course." Like..."Of course that light just went red. Of course I'll be late. I wouldn't expect anything else." Then I kind of glare at the universe for making the light red on purpose.

Chaos is kind of the default state of everything, I agree. I can clean up my apartment one day, and two days later it reverts to mess. I believe the universe seeks Order, as well. Entropy is effective only because there's some other force offering it steady resistance. If nothing fell apart, how could anything be created? Observe the life-cycle of biological matter. After the organism dies, other organisms deconstruct its remains to perpetuate their own life cycles. Dust to dust, ashes to ashes.

We live in a steadily disintegrating universe.

I agree. The larger the scale, the harder it is for order to resist chaos. A single person vs. a global corporation. Larger entites tend to be more complex and thus easier to break down.

Chaos can sometimes be controlled/channeled according to your will, though.