Reflections on my mother's perceptions

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I was born in 1944, the same year Asperger published his now famous study. Of course it would be about another half-century before someone would study us and label us under "Asperger's Syndrome".

I was seen as just a "shy kid", "Don't worry, he'll grow out of it".

My mother was friends with a couple, the husband of which I later learned was of a well-known TV acting family, but it was 1950, I was just 5 years old and we didn't even have our own TV yet.

I just remember a nice adult named Jim, that I really liked, and whom I must have made quite an impression on, as he later said to my mother, "You shouldn't send John to the public schools; have you considered sending him to a good private school for intelligent children?"

My mother responded that she was afraid that if she did, I'd be "like that kid who went to college at age 12 and he would grow up without any friends his own age".

It's taken me the six months since finding out I came under the so-called "Asperger's" label and characteristics, for me to really understand where my mother was coming from; I'd had a long feeling of disappointment and probably some resentment for her decision, in view of the suffering I experienced in the ignorant institution called Public School.

I finally realized she had observed that I related exceptionally well with adults, and not at all well with my peers. Of course no one had any idea that I'd have been personally happier if I'd gone though an education geared toward my abilities, and of course I never had any friends during school, only classmates. Other children don't particularly like kids who are much smarter and more mentally mature than they are, and all those other characteristics which I didn't have a clue about then.

But it's only now, having reflected on that characteristic and that scene, that I finally understood the depth of her perception and feeling, and why she made the decision she did; a deep maternal instinct. She was, of course, very sociable, and made friends easily, and worried about me throughout her life.

I only wish I could have found out about all this before she passed away a few years ago, but I'm glad I was able to finally understand her feelings.

Regards, Johnpipe

I'm glad that you were able to gain a better perspective on your mother's decision.

johnpipe108, that is the kindest, most thoughtful thing I've ever read on wrongplanet. Sometimes we parents feel as if our children often resent the decisions that we make on their behalf -- most of the time wondering if we are indeed doing the right thing -- and the thought that eventually our child will understand that we make these decision out of pure love for our children is very reassuring.

Thanks,

Kris