Ever feel like your having an NT day when your really not?

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Okay this past two days went like a blur, and last night I was talking to my boyfriend about how I think I'm a fake, not a real autie, because of how normal I seem and acted lately. He looks at me and goes huh? are you serious? I was like yea why? He goes your most defintely autistic and defintely shows all the time. I was like okay, name what I've been doing that makes me autistic?

He goes for starters your biting your hand as we speak. Then goes on about you squeeze the cat always too hard with never emotion, you flap, as were driving you stare at peoples tires and laugh hysterically like its the most fascinating thing in the world, you rock, you constantly are getting happy over the littlest things, your moods change faster then each ripple that goes by in the lagoon, you screech on the top of your lungs for no apparent reason, you sat there for hours looking from the corner of your eye rocking staring at the helicopter that went by very slowly carrying a banner, your never here, you always seem in your own world, you say you've been even speaking like an NT, when instead you don't even speak real words half the time, you repeat whats said to sometimes, you start talking then completely get distracted where you spin for minutes at a time, and your constantly confused at what is going on around you almost like your stuck in pause mode and everybody is in fastward.

Then looks at me and says "does that prove that your autistic, and thats only some of the things I can point out at the moment!" I was like "oh" but I was chatting, I even greeted my summer neighbors, and went to the boardwalk, chatted with the waitors at the restaraunt we went to, was friendly, did good socializing, even made eye contact, so I didn't think I seemed autistic!?

He was like yea, but you usually can only socialize or be friendly for alittle bit, and as we went to the boardwalk you nearly had a meltdown due to all the people, and the waitors you've known for couple years, your use to them, and right afterwards you had a siezure and became very withdrawn and almost had another meltdown, and your eye contact you force to the point that you upset your own self, and your spoke real well for a bit then for awhile your speech became jibberish and that was it.

It made me stop and think wow, I never really notice how I am. I thought I was so NT, because I was just talking well, seeming friendly, but I guess I just never really notice my autism as much as I thought . Anybody else ever think your having a really NT day or NT weekend, and somebody always brings you back to reality that your really being your usual autistic self?

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Being Normal Is Vastly Overrated

At work, I am competent and perform at a high level of efficiency. When not at work or doing something I'm good at, I am remarkably stupid. I tend to be clumsy and get a lot of bruises.

I sometimes function very well. I am a quick learner sometimes and can masquerade as an NT, walk like an NT, talk like an NT, and pass pretty well. but though the years I remember people saying "I saw you walking across the street and thought "that girl really doesn't know how to walk in boots and thought immediately of YOU!" and it WAS me. Or when someone just looked at me and said "you don't even know that I am lying my head off to you, do you?" or when someone pointed out, shaking his head wonderingly "you shouldn't be let out with out your mother, you know that?"

I am just an Aspie projecting that I 'feel like an NT.' How the he** would I know how an NT feels, anyway?

I take out my Social Security history of Employment and see the radical up and down of my income to see how my continuous 'thinking I am an NT' really translates into dollars and cents!

I am not sure if it is a blessing or a curse to see my AS so clearly.

Merle

Yes I think so all the time but somedays I know I am acting more normal esp when I am happier.

Iedite

There is nothing wrong with seeming normal. Look at Temple Grandin.
If you have seen videos about her , then you know what I mean. She is pretty normal too despite her autism. A fake autie would be someone who is pretending to have autism.


I feel normal all the time. There are times I am looking at people as I speak and as they are speaking to me, this happens when I am feeling comfortable in situations. There are also times when I am talking to people about random things. It depends on if they are saying anything interesting, then it gets me to talk.
I was more apsie when I was living with my family but when I lived on my own, it seemed like the condition went away but no it was because there was no one around to drive me crazy. It was just me and my cat and dog. Then when my ex's came along, the condition came back because I was dealing with someone in my life again and having to be flexible again. My current boyfriend had to work his way into my routine and I got used to having him in my life so my AS got less again. There is no give and takes and he lets me do whatever and whatever makes me feel comfortable. The other day I had to take him to Safeway so I went to the closest one near by so we get home quicker and the fact I can save on gas. He left it up to me for we can go grocery shopping that day or he can do it the next day but carrying all those groceries would be tough.
I am also fine with one person, socialization is a lot easier. If there are more, I am not fine and find it difficult. It's all them talking together and there is me being left unnoticed. Do I need to shout to get them to hear me? I can never stop interrupting. Someone always starts talking before I get a word out of my mouth.


Last weekend my came came out and saw me and we were all eating at a restaurant and my mother tells me she saw this lady named Myra at work because she was a student nurse there and she was telling her Beth stories. I asked her what did she say about me and mom told me she said I was a very good worker and I always kept busy, no standing around, I always found something to do. But the aspie thing I heard about me was, she said I was brutally honest. I would say things like "What are you doing, that is so weird?"
I don't even remember saying that. I don't even remember seeing weird things at work.
And also at work I have been told by the general assistant director of housekeeping that I am black and white. Someone tells me to do something, bam I do it right now so people always have to tell me "When you have time" or "When you are done here" "You don't have to do it now but when you come down to housekeeping..."

Yes, it happens to me. I think that what I do is also what everybody non-autistic does. But in reality, I still do things in a different way that astonishes and confuses people. Or just makes them notice that hey, Sora's somehow different... ?

I felt almost perfectly normal all the time before I even knew about the spectrum a little better. I thought I was so utterly, totally and completely almost-average, just a little odd, a little quirky in some things.

I figured that everybody average would have done/learned things my way.

But since I really don't know how a non-autistic person would react spontaneously, I realised I'm just 'making it up'. I figured that of course I just explain what other people do in my way, but that I cannot read their thoughts and know why they really do what they do. When I think something is logical from an outside point of view, I just see the outside. And sometimes that can trick an observer.

If you see two things happening at the same time you may think they're connected. But in reality, they're not connected. But you cannot know that since you just saw them - but don't know all the details about why they happened, when they happen again etc. I often feel like that. I see something, I think, hey, makes sense, all easy - and then it turns out it is somehow different from how I thought it would be. Since the people involved think something I didn't think.

And although I now know a lot, in situations that are somewhat unknown to me, I still find myself thinking that I act perfectly typical. That really everybody must do the things like I do. Because I know myself, think my thoughts... and that's because they all make utmost sense to me. So spontaneously I always think that I must be right.

But, that also has it advantages I think, Age1600. If you believe that you were doing really great, were really friendly, social, succeeded in talking fine - it helps! It helps a lot to believe you are doing good, because it boosts your ego and actually enables you to do really good.

Positive thoughts, being sure that you're doing well! -> positive outcome and you really are doing well! Nothing's better than optimistic thoughts.

edit

I really find it quite difficult to evaluate myself against the "norm." I wish I could follow myself around for a week and observe how I act and respond with other people. Even the quizzes we've all taken are only partially helpful because they too require self evaluation against others. The best I feel I can do at this point is to step back and look at my life as whole compared to other people I know to see the differences.

I feel pretty cool when I'm downed out on Diazepam ("normal" so to speak), but it doesn't make me interact any better with people, nor do I stop fixating on my obsession. So yes, when I'm not paralysed by severe anxiety, I feel "normal", how I've felt my whole life before my world came crashing down due to life events.

I look pretty normal most days, it doesn't mean I'm any less autistic than someone who constantly flaps because they have severe anxiety (god, give the poor person sedatives).

...when I am spewing my AS so much that I go into dellusional mode...

All the time.

I have them most of the time but I acted normal almost everyday so a day to day base basically for me.