Do you get asked where you are on the phone?

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People whom I hardly know ask me where I am, first thing when they call my cell. It drives me nuts. Especially when, if I don't tell them, they start driving me up the wall with insistence. I wouldn't report on my whereabouts each time someone calls me, not even to the closest person if I had someone close. Least of all to simple acquaintances!

Caller: Greentea, hi!
Me: Hey, John!
Caller: Where are you?
Me: Why?
Caller: Are you home? At work? Where?
Me: Why?
Caller: But tell me - where are you!
Me: [change the subject]
Caller: I'm asking WHERE.ARE.YOUUU! Just a simple question, can't you answer a simple blah blah blah unnice blah blah unfriendly blah blah blah blah blah

Yes, that would drive me nuts!

I have a friend who always asks me what I did today - I'm like "Why do you need to know that? It has no possible relevance..."

Next time they do it, try replying "I'm here - where are you?"

Last edited by shopaholic on 27 May 2008, 2:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Whenever I answer the house phone, and it is a member of my family, they always ask me where I am. I'M AT HOME!! !! !! !! HOW ELSE WAS I ABLE TO ANSWER THE HOUSE PHONE!! !! !! !

Thanks for your comments, shopaholic. I'm so fed up with always being the nasty one, just because I refuse to report where I am each time they call me.

I know someone who always used to nudge me to death about what I did in the weekend. I just had to report each thing I did during the weekend to her. I never reported, which made her distance from me and tell everyone that I'm too mysterious.

Fantom!

I think people ask because they want to know if you really have time to talk-- they don't want to inconvenience you. Since people always have cells with them these days, sometimes people call when you're driving, in the bathroom, or some other inopportune time. So yeah, it may seem strange, but it's probably just their attempt at being polite.

That's typical social interaction stuff. Your whereabouts are not of any relevance to people as they usually don't plan to remember the information. It's just 'small talk' and a way of showing that the person has an interest in you and cares for you in a way. If you refuse, it is a way of saying 'I dislike like you'.

It will definitely drive most people up the wall (figuratively speaking), if you refuse to accept the interest in your person. They feel as if they're pushed away from you because you want nothing to do with them.

I don't know this situation from your position though, because I usually answer that question.

Or truth to be told - I am usually the one who asks 'hey, where are you?' hehe.

Yeah, I get asked that all the time too.

I've finally figured out why I find it so annoying - it's because weekends are usually my private "me" time - nothing momentous or earth-shattering that other people would be interested in, just a chance to recharge my batteries and indulge my interests.

Therefore I have no reason to tell anyone what I did because there is nothing to tell. (If I actually am doing something interesting then of course I don't mind talking about it.)

I suppose that's also why I don't usually ask other people what they did either - I just assume it's boring routine family stuff that's not worth mentioning, otherwise surely they would already have mentioned it!

Well, there's this person who always nudges me to say where I am, even after I say that I'm NOT busy and I can talk. Does this mean they are trying to get closer? I once, trying to get closer, invited them out for dinner. They said they had other plans and left it at that, didn't suggest another time, didn't say maybe some other time, nothing. So are they trying to get closer to me just by knowing where I am when they call?

And what if I'm at a place I don't care to report to someone I hardly know? Do I have to report it just so I'm not seen as rude? Or am I expected to lie?

And the acquaintance who never agreed to go out with me on a weekend: why do I have to narrate to her all the things I did in the weekend? If hers is an attempt to get closer, why not accept a suggestion to meet on some weekend for once, rather than ask for a whole narration of everything I did?

I wish I knew all the exceptions to the general rule!

First and most important probably is the case if you really don't want to disclosure where you are. Either outright lie or do what you already reported doing in your first post: change the topic right away, say you're busy and don't even acknowledge the question.

If the other is just asking to pay his interest in you and is capable of understanding subtle pointers, then he won't ask again. Manners and common sense would forbid it. That is how it should go.

But that person that you described seems to have more going on with that question. But what... who knows?

Either they have some weird interest in where you are at all times or maybe, (I know that reaction from what happened to a friend), he/she asks with purpose because they want to make to make you 'more communicative'. That would be an annoyingly problematic situation I think.

You could, if you feel okay saying where you are in a situation, try laughing at them when they ask, mention where you are and then jokingly asking them if they're a stalker/something like that. If they don't get it - they you know there's something weird going on or even that they're socially somewhat incapable.

About the weekend - that goes along the same lines. A way to answer it, if you feel like it, would be to just mention one thing on one day that you did and then prompt them to respond to it by asking them if they've experienced similar, speaking about something related. You could also state with how you feel about the weekend (if it was relaxing/nothing unusual) and then mention that you'd love to do that again or do something more exciting like XY. And then ask if they did anything special on the weekend.

The problem that I encountered between non-autistic and autistic interaction that non-autistic people sometimes seem to love 'teaching' us social stuff. Want to 'help us' by 'educating' us.

The problem is to notice when you're on the spectrum. You need to know how much is too much and how much is good and whether a person insists unusually much or not.

Because the general rule is: yes, such questions are ask all the time. But one would never insist on an answer, even though one expects it to have an unspoken agreement of interest in each other.

There are mutual exceptions though. If a person has a very caring personality or is just the type to ask a lot of these social questions. Or if a person feels another person is feeling exceptionally good/bad/worried/sad.

If someone insists on it - it's unusual and must have a reason.

Problem is that only by this question, it's hard to know how much of an interest a person has in one. The same question can be asked by acquaintance and closest friend and the only difference is how one would answer the question.

I have acquaintances ask me this often just to make 'friendly small talk'. But they're not interests enough in me to meet me, not at all.

Guess they're just making idle chat, then...

Sora, as you say, it's not the question that is a nuisance. It's the tantrum they throw when I don't answer it.

It's the total refusal on their part to get closer to me as acquaintances / potential friends, weirdly coupled with an obsessive interest in knowing my activities and plans.

60 % of my job is answering phone calls to make bus reservations ang giving related informations, so I am asked TONS of different questions every day (and I can't miss, since the boss is in the room next to me, talking about litlle professor, hu ? ), but usually not where I am (1 out of 100 does though)

People sometimes ask me. I tend to ask my friends this at times myself, it's a habit I have. One of my friends spoke to me about this and said he didn't really like me always asking him this. After further discussion I don't ask him as much. Actually, he never asks me my location anyway.

For me I don't really get annoyed or bothered when people ask me this unless I don't want them to know for a particular reason.

Try asking them "Who are you F***ing Geraldo?", it almost always works for me.

I found that telling people that I'm in the bathroom and I can't really talk because I'm performing obscene body functions usually don't ask again after that. Funny how that works.