Hey you, talk. TALK

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Most people don't understand something.

In group settings, the best way I deal with things is by shutting down. If I don't then all of those pesky quirks come out. The same quirks that I used to be called an embarassment over.

I would rather shut down at times than rock back and forth in my chair in a group setting. I don't think people understand that when this happens, I'm actually trying to be polite.

Ever have things like that occur to you?

yeah hapens to me, they often want to talk about it, but it feels like everyone is watching me which i dont like.

I usually just try to pretend the people aren't there.... but if I'm made to stand still for any length of time I start getting the paranoia that I'm in someone's way, and I promptly start looking about me to check nobody is trying to get past me.. and it leaves me looking decidedly panicky.

i have a crooked neck from lowering my head because i thought they cant see (especialy since im tall.). i also often when getting nervouse or in a crouded area start nevously looking all over place like im afraid of something

I do the same...I try to look like I'm interested and listening intently. Sometimes, when it's possible, I'll try and engage one person in a conversation (one on one much easier).

I can't focus on too many people at once, I shut down and/or go into meltdown. Usually, I just want to leave the place.

I pretty much shut down at work and just do my job/focus on it. I have a hard time standing still too.

I just want to say I like your black kitty. Sooo pretty:)

I sometimes get misconstrued or called aloof because in group situations, I like to talk to one person at a time. I can cope if I can pare down interactions to one on one conversations and move slowly from one person to another, blocking out other stimuli. I've also been asked if I have bad hearing, because when I'm focused on one thing or one person, whatever anyone else says will sound like it's just noise and I'll have to break my concentration and ask them to repeat themselves. I don't like it when I have to deal with group conversations, and I sometimes get so emotionally exhausted that I want to leave.

My Aspie friend described the same sort of thing when he talked about how he dealt with people throughout the course of the day. He says he just ignores anyone who has no bearing on what he's trying to get done at the present moment. He gets called aloof a lot, too.

What I hate is to avoid to much stress and anxiety's dealing with groups I move to a back corner hoping to be ignored, but what they do? they demand I come up closer so I can be so-called involved, I listen and am involved just fine in the back, its not like I become more interactive close up, besides, I like to rock now and then when stressed or nervous, and I feel like the world is watching me so I cant so much when I am up front.
groups suck.

I hate the sounds and stuff when in groups as well, when I am anxious or stressed all the sounds grate against my nerves, even the subtle breathing of others or their cloths rasping against things as they move, and for the most part I have a VARY hard time sorting out the sounds, its like if two couples was talking at the same time, I have a hard time listening to one or the other sorting them out.

I do not mind a huge crowed like at a concert, if I goto a concert I know and expect a lot of noise and sounds,
and I can easily get lost in the crowed (as of which I generally just hide out in a place with a fair view of things).
and I do not have to sort out conversations and sounds and I can leave any time I wish, where in most group settings I cant.

But SotiCoto, i thought you like to look as "Aspergian" as you can. At least that's how it appears here.

Catspurr, ya. I understand from whence you come. It's hard to judge the best course of action because public stimming causes attention, but being still and silent can, too. Then, of course, the attention causes further stress, which causes further need to shut down, which...... My best strategy is to go into "movie mode" and just act like i'm okay; the acting is almost a stim in itself as i love movies. Telling people i'm overtired helps a lot if i choose the shut down option, and hey, it's true; all that coping is exhausting! When it is really bad i have pre-planned bailing strategies and i just use what seems to be the most appropriate one.

I tend to be the one in the back of the room with the 'running commentary' about meetings. We play 'buzzword bingo', and sometimes I'll just find an 'aural tic' (like one guy from IBM who used 'yeah, yeah' as a period...

When pressed, I try to convey the most information with the fewest words...

I don't do well in strange groups. Like, if you invite me to a house party where I only know maybe two or three people, I'll get visibly nervous and shaky. It's like I turn into someone else, like one of those hairless nervous dogs that shivers all the time.

As for meetings, I'll only speak when I have something to say, and will raise my hand rather than cut in. I hate such settings because I am unable to cut in naturally. I just sit there and raise my hand, and then the room gets choked with awkward silence while they look at me and say "uhhhhh... go ahead WildMan... Everyone else cuts in naturally to add their two cents, whereas my only recourse is to raise my hand.

And then you can hear a pin drop as I prattle out what I have to say. It kills me to have to sit and listen to the people in the meetings who never shut up and who never stop trying to make some point or another, even when it's clear they're just talking to talk, to be heard, to hear themselves, to impose themselves, with nothing of value to add to the conversation. Whereas I'll have 8 or 9 complelling, relevant things to say (as many as everyone else, oftentimes more so) but will maybe only be able to say 2 or 3 of them because I just can't get with the flow.

But stick me in a packed bar and as long as it's not too packed and loud, I'll be mingling with strangers to a better-than-average degree. I sure was never any good at getting laid that way, though. But that's another story for another time.

Most people i can manage in a group before a shut down is proberly 4 but i can manage 7 if another person acomapnys me to the group as i start thinkig that they're watching me but if that other person acomapnys me i pretend their watching him.

In most cases I tend to keep quiet and merely observe what is going in a group setting for, most of the time I've fetlt that I have little to offer or contribute that would be considered worthwhile by anyone's standard at that.
Well, this is merely my own sincere thoughts on this topic..


Professorx

ditto

I dislike being in groups of people I don't know. I get nervous and I can't seem to jump in. Heck, even with people I know I can't do that very well. I tend to interrupt everyone because I have no clue as to the pacing of the conversation, and that's extra annoying to people that don't know me. I didn't realize that I rock a lot until just recently (I didn't think about it, it's so natural) and no one really says anything. To my face, at least.