HELP

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We have autistic twins. They are three and a half, one boy one girl. I just feel completely isolated and alone. My marriage is disintegrating. I also have so much anger about having autistic kids and also my son has a glioma on his brain stem and I am angry about that too. Please know I am not angry with the kids. I express my anger at the gym. The kids can't help the way they are and I love them very much, especially my son. My family are very supportive but they live out of state. I do have a very fortunate situation where I don't have to work full time. I am also in wonderful physical shape. I eat right and exercise. I don't smoke and I drink minimally. My husband travels for his job. His job is very stressful. He has looked for a job closer to home but nothing pays anywhere near what he makes now. We are college educated and he has two master degrees. With our kids issues(both health and autism) we will need all the income we can get. We live in a nice house but we drive old cars. My car is 15 years old but I don't mind one bit, I really like it. Because of his job and being away from home we don't do things on the weekends. I realize he's tired, often from changing time zones, also I realize he does want to spend time with the kids, not off with me. However, he says I am not supportive. I don't know what else to do. I keep the house tidy (as much as possible with autistic kids). I cook sometimes and he cooks sometimes. I wash the clothes. I also change the oil in my car.

I also know alot of people in my life with cancer. I am having anger about that too, not at the people, I am angry with the cancer.

I feel there's nowhere to turn. My husband and I fight constantly. This also upsets the kids.

This is also a scary name for a website. I don't want my kids to feel they are on the wrong planet the rest of their life.

Please someone help me. ..

Im sorry you're angry. Im sorry you're in this situation. I know you couldnt have possibly thought this was how life was going to pan out. You have to make a decision tho. you can let that anger run your life, or you can allow the woman who's compassionate to show. you can tell your husband you understand he's doing his best for his family. You can tell your children its not thier fault and that things will be ok. You can put this family on your back and say it wont break. You can do everything you can, and thats all you can do.

But anger is a ridiculous emotion to keep. Anger wont solve anything. It only helps in winning fights because of the extra adrenaline. I dont see you swinging a mace or axe so you have no need for it. Lifes not fair, and if you think you have it hard, someone else has a story to tell you.

Oh, and the name should scare you. Because its the closest thing we have to describe what its like for us. We do the same damn thing you all do and yet its different, unacceptable. We're to blame for copying and mimicing just so we can survive this jungle.

My advice, tonight tell your husband you love him and you dont wanna fight. Tell him to tell you where you could be more supportive. Then ask him to allow you to do the same. You need to fix that before you can even start helping your children.

Hi there,

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. It sounds like you are concerned about 3 separate things - your marriage, your kids' autism, and your loss through cancer. Is it possible for you to see those separately rather than one big mess? YOu might then find it easier to work out where to get help.

I'm sure here will be helpful as regards the autism, there must be US based support for parents of autistic children too? I am new to trying to understand AS as an NT but the National Autistic Society in the UK seems to be good. I see there is a Parents' Discussion forum on WrongPlanet too, it might be worth posting in there.

With all the pressure it's totally understandable your marriage is having problems. But now would seem to be a good time to seek marriage guidance / couples counselling, to help you both work as a team better and understand and support each other better.

As regards your loss through cancer, it sounds like you would benefit from some grief counselling as a one-on-one (as opposed to with your husband). I don't know what the funding situation is for counselling services where you live but if these are not financially viable options then there are some good self help books on grief and loss which you could get your bookshop to recommend.

If you see these as separate issues then you stand a better chance of succeeding I would think.

Just some suggestions, I hope you find what you need.

Misdirected anger is harmful and self-destructive. However, properly directed anger can be a powerful motivational force. Channel that anger into directions that improve the lot for yourself and your family. When you feel overwhelmed, don't fight the anger, focus it. Think, "this situation will not beat me, I am stronger and I will prevail. My children will have a better life than the prognosis would predict, and anyone who bullies them for being different will face the wrath of me."

am dont know what sort of help could get,as do not live in US,but welcome to the forum Whackamole.
wrong planet isnt supposed to be a bad name,it's because a lot of ASDers [those on spectrum] say they feel like they've been born on the wrong planet.
it isnt the wrong planet,its just a lot of ignorance towards what autism,aspergers,pddnos etc is.


own family also have always fighted and argued,due to not coping with am,though they refused outside help.
when they got it,things got a lot better for them,though mum still has depression.


it sounds like do need some help.


is there any respite units near? am do not know how it works there,but here,children or adults need to get funding for [this could be once a week,once a month,a week a month,a weekend a month etc] it before going and its a rest for children as well as the parents.
as it is a regular thing,it becomes part of routine,am used to live in an institution with a respite unit attached and it was a harder job for staff getting children to go home at the end of it.

Last edited by KingdomOfRats on 01 Jun 2008, 6:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Is your school district helping you out with either preschool or therapy? I love my son to death but I do need time away from him to stay somewhat sane, and it's really helped to have him in daycare for the last year, and it's been good for him too. After 3 your school district should have an IEP set up for your kids and be helping them reach their goals, and hopefully their time in school will give you some time to rest and relax.