Why do I do it

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I hate social events of any kind, because I quickly become isolated and detached from everyone else, so why do I go out for lunch with friends at work????

Take today for example...lunch in a bar. There was eight of us sat around a table. Had something to eat and everyone's chatting away. The noise was really unbearable. I've never felt anything like it before. I'm nodding and agreeing with everyone like I was actually part of whatever they were talking about.

I was glad when it was time to go back to work. What's worse is that it is often my idea that we go out somewhere!

So why do I put myself thorough it?????

Any comments or suggestions would be very welcome.

But I sat there hardly saying anything for an hour and a half. It doesn't make sense.

I used to do stuff like that; it just seemed like a good idea at the time, and there's always some need for human interaction. The idea of sitting there with people and communicating doesn't seem too difficult — just to think about — but the reality was always the same: losing the drift, feeling lost and confused. I started trying again when I got diagnosed, by attending AS groups, but it ended up being just the same.

I sometimes go out when i don't really want to and have a sh*t time.

I don't know why I do it, either.

Bland- You keep trying and trying with this sense of longing and expectation but it's never fulfilling and often disastrous. I know the feeling. I don't go to places where I know I won't have a good time. I love hard rock but can't stand to go to a concert. I love to shoot pool but can't stand the bar. I think that you just have to look for creative ways to meet with people one-on-one or in very small groups in settings that aren't too stimulating. How about inviting one or two co-workers to have lunch in an empty stock room, conference room, courtyard, janitor's closet, whatever. Some things we can change about ourselves and some things we may have to accept. My husband used to get so mad at me because I didn't want to go to every family gathering or the beach or a crowded restaurant. Now, I do it occasionally, for him, and he does more quiet activities with me. Maybe you can be honest with your friends and tell them you get too nerved up around alot of crowds and noise. You'd be surprised to find out how many of them would like a quiet lunch.

Maybe you should try going someplace quieter and becoming more involved with the conversation. I used to be the same way as you and caused me to lose the few friends I had. Now I am stuck being a hermit college student; none of my few friends go to my university.

It wasn't the bar that was noisy, it was my friends. It seemed like they were all talking at once and my head couldn't unscramble everything.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but it's all because of you.

If you know you are going to engage in a social occassion try to put on more effort. Or don't hang around with them at all.

You are the only one who can control your own actions.

I've found these things are much easier if you know at least one or two other people at the event really well- it's really nice to have something to fall back on if you can't/don't want to get involved with the main chatter taking place. I can't believe how uncomfortable even NTs can get at these functions, and many of them would rather have a quiet side conversation or just sit and take it easy for a while.

I think that you, and a lot of people do s**t like that because they have this eternal spring of hope that the interaction wont be frustrating and unrewarding. Luckily after enough time that spring gets nice and clogged up so it only overflows every once in a while.