How did your parents put you down for your symptoms?

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Today, my oldest brother told me that I'm "incapable of individual thought". I tried to tell him that "the problem isn't thinking, it's talking", but he said "I don't want to hear it".

Girls at school would accuse my shyness as being 'stuck-up'. I heard it every now and then over the years. The worst stab in the back came from Mom, when in reply to something she asked me, "What, are you stuck-up or something?!?"

That was pretty much the ultimate (and final) betrayal. I'm just now trying to see her on a level playing field, emotionally speaking. It is usually about that time we get into it again and have a huge fight, (which is somehow all of my fault and I'm blamed for being to sensitive).

ARE YOU ME?

Because we have the same mother. Mine even kicked me out as soon as I turned seventeen. No job. Nowhere to live. She was just 'burned out'. So she moved far away and I couldn't come.

Word for word my mom said those things and now she's doing it to my 11-y-o dd.

ROFLMAO

I didn't know that stuff about Christian 'Scientists'. My mom is a freak, but thank goodness she hasn't joined that church yet.

Wow...me neither. My ex-husband is in for a surprise. I'm thinking his forehead...

Maybe you can make the tumors look like he is about to sprout some horns ...those are very "in" this season.

Sorry to hear that your mom was also "over whelmed" by your very existence. To bad those empathetic NT's can't seem to fathom that if it is difficult for them to deal with our AS, how fun it must be for us. It's a bit like the parents of physically disabled kids who turn them over to "homes" because it's just to much work to have to "deal" with lifting them into wheelchairs but they give no thought to how difficult it must be for the kids to have to BE in wheelchairs . Except in our case...they threw us out of the house without the wheelchair....ooops. The only independent living skills I had been taught were how to clean her house and baby-sit . I recall the first time I went grocery shopping with my generous $50. a month stipend, (they did pay $100 for rent in a someones basement...so I guess I was lucky compared to your situation.), I bought 20pds or potatoes and some huge bag of rice and a few canned items...way to much to carry, but I didn't realize how heavy everything was to walk home with and had to call my dad for a ride.... . I got a nice lecture about "thinking these things through" , but fair trade off for the ride.

One of the biggest problems of AS and it's co-morbids is that you can't "see them" and we can be so inconveniently "bright" in certain areas. It's very confusing to the "NT's" whose ability to project only their own neurology onto our behavior can lead to many misunderstandings....I think this is their "hidden disability"...but it sure can try a persons patience.

So how many of you that were put down by parents lived with very religious people? I was accused of being possessed and having the devil in me. Yeah baby!

Wow, I can't believe your parents actually believed that! My mom was more religious than my father but she never believed in people being possessed. What she believed in is kids being able to control their behaviour if they wanted to and if they didn't they were just misbehaving and needed to be punished and then they would learn and not do it again. Just simple discipline and it works with kids who don't have any neurological symptoms, not so well with those of us who do, however.

My dad wasn't much help because I actually inherited everything from him and his mother who are same as me. So, he was having his own issues and trying to figure himself out, and me, plus he grew up in a rough place, harsh environment - inner city in the northeast- and he had that to deal with also.

My mom said I needed to be more feminine, that I was going to be a hermit when I grew older (and that's a bad thing?), that I needed to widen my horizons and get intrested in other things, my mother said she was going to be punished because she couldn't get me to be religious and because I want to lean evolution instead of creationism, that I am selfish. I've pretty much heard it all.

"Stop playing with your hair!"
"Act your age!"
"You're just like a little baby!" (when as a 12-year-old I expressed fear of walking into a social situation)
"How old are you?" (said sarcastically)
"I was so ashamed of you"
"If you don't look at people when you talk to them, they think you're lying"
"Ooh, touchy, touchy!" (when I expressed irritation)
"Brat!"
"That's not nice!"
"Behave!" (Don't just tell me to behave, TEACH me to behave!)
"We're not interested!" (when I tried to read poetry out loud, unsolicited, at a family gathering)
"You were such a good baby. Now . . . uuuuuugggghhhh!"
"Maddie only thinks about Maddie!"

I know I wouldn't go back to a year old but it would be nice to go back to 18 years old. I could have done more for myself in my adult years with a DX than my parents ever could have. My Mom just wouldn't have known what to do for me more so and that would have made her do less for me. My Dad is like the Mom on Pink Floyd's song "Mother". Always paranoid about me and thinking I was going to get hurt by something or someone.

I think they knew I was different but I was kind of sickly all the time growing up but my Dad had more influence over me, and it was a negative influence for the most part but he tried.

My Dad, I think, has Asperger's too and he's from the hills. With that and considering his Dad told him, before we were ever born, his kids would amount to nothing. He took that literally and put us down a lot. He believed in reverse psychology and told us we were no good a lot. He would say things to me like "Here, I'll do it because you'll just mess it up." and "Hold your head up, what are people going to think if you walk around with your head down all the time?" I heard "You're no good" a lot and "What's wrong with you?"

So he either babied me or put me down, just for being me. My Mom was so wrapped up in work in friends she didn't pay much attention to any of us kids. They had no idea how to raise kids but who does? So I forgive them for it all, more my Dad than my Mom because she didn't seem to try much at all but at least she didn't put me down much. She would just shake her head at me and go to work.

My worst influence and put downs came from other kids at school and teachers and family members.

I was told a lot how selfish I am, how useless I am, how stupid I am and how weird I am by other people. That's where I still have anger issues, with society and the teachers that should have known something was wrong instead of just shoving me aside. One teacher yelled really loud at me across the room telling me to "stop acting like a fool!" I've never forgiven her for that. I was just excited because some boy looked at me. Okay, it was foolish but she could have come over to me and instead of blaring it out just told me to calm down in a nice quiet tone. Teachers didn't help much by just enforcing in my Dad's mind that I was no good by telling him I just didn't apply myself, was lazy, didn't try and all that teacher jargon sh*t. Sorry if that offends anyone but I had a lot of teachers like that and it pisses me off now thinking about it so I'm going to quit.

Just hearing you all share similar stories has helped me finally forgive (though never forget) what happened or what was said to me as a kid. It happened, mainly through ignorance and lack of understanding about my autistic brain. I can't turn back the clock but I can look forward positively. Thanks guys!

Well. I have called Damien 'birdie' when he has flapped untill he told me he didn't like it. Also a ballerina when he has been spinning. I now know that I was wrong to call him those names and I did feel ashamed of myself when he told me he didn't like it

At least you have the good sense to stop doing that, and also to even care about your son's feelings. Just caring seems hard for a lot of parents... I'm being kind of hard right now, but I'm a little disturbed by my own parent's lack of initiative in finding out whats wrong with me, even tho there were plenty of signs, all while steadily degrading me... You've seen the light, wish my parents would have...

I apologize if it seems if I'm picking on you, but how can you stay a 'tight' family if they talked so much stuff. Yes I read your other part of the post but this confuses me so much.



Wow....I saw the guy post before and I had to check the profile to see if it was a troll.

So very true. And this is the key of the matter. If they had been willing to care, it'd have made all the difference.