How do you cover for not recognizing people?

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Athenacapella
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05 Apr 2010, 8:41 pm

There have been a couple posts I've read about folks having trouble remembering faces.

I was at a work function, and I sat with TWO people that I have met before -- one of them several times over several years. Ouch! Of course, I was a complete blank and felt like a total idiot when we went around the room to say our names.

Anyone have any tips for how to deal with this? Clearly I can't help that I don't remember their faces. I don't know that I can pretend to know them because I don't know that I am supposed to know them, and what if I actually don't?

I can look for cues that they recognize me, but if I can't read their name tag, I feel pretty helpless about it.



Ebonwinter
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05 Apr 2010, 8:41 pm

Yesterday at the family Easter gathering I had the same problem it is hard to explain that most faces look the same to me.



pschristmas
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05 Apr 2010, 9:43 pm

I have a hard time remembering faces, too. I just laugh and apologize and let people know that I have a terrible memory for faces.



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05 Apr 2010, 10:35 pm

I don't cover very well and often get caught out for it.


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05 Apr 2010, 10:51 pm

Sometimes you can get away with being direct and asking them apologetically, "Excuse me, where do I remember you from...?"

If you have trouble with faces because you can't look in people's eyes, perhaps you can make an effort to memorize gait or voice instead.

If you're at a party or other large social gathering, you can pretend to be drunk...or more drunk than you actually are...I have done this sometimes to cover up how dense I am. I can not remember people well at all unless I have talked to them several times and they have an unusual feature, like talking with an FDR accent or dressing up like a fairy.



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05 Apr 2010, 11:45 pm

sgrannel wrote:
I don't cover very well and often get caught out for it.


Ditto


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06 Apr 2010, 12:18 am

I have mostly given up trying to cover. I'm bad with faces and names, and it is easier to admit it than fake. Faking never really worked. There are enough people with mental blank spots it is no real shame, and many peopleget a boost from being superior tyo me in that area.



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06 Apr 2010, 1:51 am

I don't look at many faces and don't remember names well. I do remember some when I see them but a lot of people fall into matching categories... long brown hair, short blond hair, etc... or I can't remember where I met them which is almost as useless as not remembering them at all. And I have synesthesia with my numbers and letters, so that I don't remember the words so much as the color of the word as I see it, thus I might think someone was named Middleton when they were in fact named Coleman (Ms and Cs are both blue to me) or Taylor when they are named Payne (green).

Generally, I play dumb. Doesn't feel very honest in some ways, but in others it's nothing but the truth. I feel fairly obtuse when someone is looking at me and expecting me to remember them. I do get irritated sometimes, though, probably jealous. I get sick of everyone knowing who everyone else is and what kind of car they drive. What business is it of theirs?


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ASgirl
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06 Apr 2010, 4:04 am

i sometimes just pretend that i have a senior moment and can't recall any names or anything! i laugh it off too - but nothing seems to take the embarrassment away though. i have trouble recognising people out of context, so bumping people in the street in the worst for me. i never know who they are. or when say colleagues or professors at univeristy dress down (ie in causal clothes rather than a suit/business clothes), i don't recognise them either.



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06 Apr 2010, 5:57 am

I'm hopeless always being caught out for not knowing names or blanking people because there not somewhere I expect to see them. Somehow despite this making it worse I compensate for this because everyone recognises me (a 5'14" TS is a bit easy to recognise).

:sunny:


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06 Apr 2010, 6:59 am

Ooh, faceblindness! I've only discovered fairly recently that this has a name.

This is a real issue for me at work. Not in the main office, as I'm fine with people I see a *lot*, but interdepartmental meetings are evil. I'm surrounded by people I should know and don't remember - and I'm taking the notes. I've taken to drawing a seating plan of the meeting and labelling the people with initials where I know them and "F1", "M2" etc where I don't. Then I ask my colleagues who they were afterwards.

It's tragic that I don't know them by face as I usually email some of them daily. I just seldom *see* them.

I've also managed to lose my partner in shops before. Walked right by, not recognising him because I'm thinking he's wearing different clothes...

If it gets a serious issue, and people start asking why I don't know who they are, I'll have to confess to my condition. If I can stick at faceblindness, I'll do that. I'm not "out" about my Asperger's at work.



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06 Apr 2010, 7:12 am

I don't, I'm caught red handed every time.



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06 Apr 2010, 7:13 am

pschristmas wrote:
I have a hard time remembering faces, too. I just laugh and apologize and let people know that I have a terrible memory for faces.


This.

Works well for me because I'm the type of person who jokes around a lot anyway.



timeisdead
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06 Apr 2010, 10:02 am

What's the opposite problem called? I remember the faces but not the names.



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06 Apr 2010, 10:13 am

Athenacapella wrote:
There have been a couple posts I've read about folks having trouble remembering faces.

I was at a work function, and I sat with TWO people that I have met before -- one of them several times over several years. Ouch! Of course, I was a complete blank and felt like a total idiot when we went around the room to say our names.

Anyone have any tips for how to deal with this? Clearly I can't help that I don't remember their faces. I don't know that I can pretend to know them because I don't know that I am supposed to know them, and what if I actually don't?

I can look for cues that they recognize me, but if I can't read their name tag, I feel pretty helpless about it.


If you have to interact with such folks, explain to them that you are having memory difficulties and ask them to state their names and where they have seen you before. By assuming the blame for the lack of recognition, you have taken yourself off the hook.

ruveyn



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06 Apr 2010, 11:17 am

I struggle with this a lot and I haven't found a strategy that works well for me yet. If I am in a large group setting I stay quiet as long as possible until someone says a name and then I go about trying to remember it. If it is just a random meeting on the street I am in trouble because the surprised exclamation of the name comes right away and I won't hear their name floating around.

Sometimes I ask someone I know to remind me of the names but I feel pretty embarrassed.