Meltdown for first time...

Post Reply New Topic

Never really had a meltdown before but experienced it for the first time over the weekend. I won't go into any great detail here, but after an extended argument with my partner, I literally lost it. I was tired, frustrated and angry and it just dissolved into mass hysterics and lots and lots of tears. I couldn't stop myself and I didn't know what to do.

I'm sure this has happened to others here on the forum before but it was really frightening. I wonder if because I typically don't express that kind of emotion, that I reached some sort of level and it needed to be released or what. I have no idea.

That's how mine were. I would become so hysterical I wouldn't be able to stop until I started hyperventilating. At that point I would hyperventilate a while then be so exhausted I went right to sleep. They were so loud the neighbors could hear and wondered what was "wrong" with me.

I can understand why some compare them to being "bipolar" because you cry and cry so much and can't stop and you want everything to just end. Afterwards, I felt weird when the neighbors who could hear me from outside looked at me like I was completely insane.

I would describe my "meltdowns" as something that went way beyond being merely hysterical. Before I knew I had Asperger's I thought they were bouts of hysteria but I knew they were much worse than that.

What you described can be your usual emotional outburst, as arguing with your partner is a common thing to trigger such (some of the fights I hear when I visit my sister's place around her neighbourhood are crazy).

"Meltdowns" are usually in relation to change, and then lashing out at those around you in the hopes of lessening the demands that are placed onto you (which very well could have happened in your case).

I've done some weird things during a meltdown, I had a bad one when I was having dinner once and I couldn't control myself, I grabbed and clawed at my food and there was a fork in it I gripped it with such force it stabbed my hand, I've spat a people used language I never usually use and literally go crazy it's VERY upsetting and it makes me feel physically ill.

All I want is to be left in a quiet room alone.

They very rarely happen to me but it is extremely distressing when they do.

Daniel - good point, though the fight at that point had already ended an hour before. This was just a discussion about what I could do better in relating my feelings. So I'd say it was in response to "demands being made on me" as you described. Oddly, the fight itself wasn't terribly long or vocal. I don't argue that way anyway as I'm very rational and unemotional when I'm arguing with someone. It was just scary as it came out of nowhere and I was completely powerless to stop what was happening.

It's terrifying... but good that you recognize it. Triggers aren't necessarily going to conform to 'norms' for causing upset; they will be specific to your own sensitivities and difficulties. Try to trust comfort impulses where safe to do so; good luck.


M.