What is with the delayed rejection response?

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It baffles me no end, this Aspie trait of having relationships that don't last long-term.

I mean, if they like us so much as to be close friends at the beginning, aren't we the same Aspies later on, say a year or two later? I can't even start to count the amounts of friends who dumped me after a year or two.

Not only do I have to deal with the mysterious rejections and firings in life, where people won't say why for the life of them, but also this weird phenomenon of people suddenly dumping me after a good couple years of friendship.

erm...anyone can relate?

Yes, I can relate to that Greentea. I can't figure it out myself, I mean, if the other person likes you enough to be friends for a few years, then it can't be anything startlingly off-putting can it?

I wondered if it's that I'm not very good at 'keeping up' with friends, phoning, emailing etc. I do think about them, but probably don't communicate as often as they would expect (from an NT?) One email a week is keeping in touch to me, actually, that's pretty good going, lol, but maybe they talk to their other friends once a day or so, and therefore they see it as a sign that I'm not really interested in them - which wouldn't be true. I'm just not a great talker.

It may be that you have made friendships with people based on particular common interests. After a while, people's priorities change, they develop new interests, and then lose contact or interest in their old friends.

The few friends I have can be categorized into two groups. The first would be co-workers, and we basically only discuss work and work related things, and the other friends are members of a club I belong to. Since people's careers and interests are fluid, I suppose there must be some sort of fluidity in these relationships.

It is possible that outside of family members, the long term, close best-friendship, is not all that common in or out of the A.S. community. I believe there was a documentery titled something like "Bowling Alone" that delved into the issue. After all, we are more of a transient culture and most people don't even know their neighbors. If reality tv is really reality, I might not want to know my neighbors.

As for being fired without knowing why, I can only suggest that being entertaining and being able to network and go golfing and then have drinks with bosses and co-workers, etc... goes a long way in one's career. Not being part of the in-crowd at work can have serious repercussions with an employer.

Maybe for the first few years they think we're just acting strange for the time being and expect us to change. When we don't after a while they just give up and leave us be.

It’s annoying. Other people tend to change throughout their lives and I tend to be more constant. For instance friends I had when I was younger grew up and got married and then lost interest in me because I wasn’t as interested in their family stuff.

I relate completely. My theory is that some Aspies like you and me are probably pretty likable and friendly, and people usually like us and want to be our friends. But after enough time with us, they start to notice things about us that are not quite right. They probably don't even consciously know what it is, just that there's something a little off about us. And after a while they pull away. They don't dislike us, but they don't especially want a relationship either.

Honestly... I think it's that we don't change with them; ours are more erratic, often slower and segmented. That must be disorienting for someone accustomed to a certain pace and interaction, from a practical standpoint.


M.