Social skills lessons-- I don't get why.

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Social skills training seems wrong to me for a lot of people. It's like trying to teach someone with a broken leg how to walk. They already know how. You can't teach a person how to pay attention. All you're doing is stimulating them by motivating them, maybe, which you can also do with stimulant drugs.


I mean, for someone who's ignorant of customs, because they weren't exposed or didn't pay attention for whatever reason, social skills training is good. For a person who needs to be encouraged to pay attention, it could be good. It's like saying, "Yes, do this, people like it when you pay attention and it will bring you more stimulation." But if that isn't enough stimulation it isn't going to work; they need more.


Can someone please explain why they recommend social skills training for people? It seems ignorant and wrong in many situations, simplifying the reasons why people suck at social stuff and often being insulting.

I think I have been tried to being taught but I found that it was not any good, it sounds simple and they try to say that but it basicaly not in my nature. They think saying it will make us learn how to improve but they do not realise that it is like they are trying to change my personality, and it feels so wrong.

What kind of social skills training? There are different types for different people.

Social skills are recommended because as an average person, you need them to succeed in society without making yourself or others ill.

Social skills groups are basicaly crash courses in how not to appear strange to people.

Social skills training can improve your ability to function in society. Someone who can respond to the phrase "How are you?" with a quick and cheerful "I'm great, thank you" will get farther in a job interview than someone who pauses for a minute and describes how their lunch doesn't seem to be digesting very well.

Well people say that honesty is key.

I haven't had proper social skills training, just friends and relatives, and learning myself through trial and lots of error

I guess some people can get by without knowing what is socially acceptable or not, but I was 100% clueless. I'm still very far from perfect, but I'm trying...

My Mother keeps trying to 'teach' me, but it doesn't work in the long run.

I feel that.

When an immigrant comes to Norway, he has to learn our language to fit in with society. The same goes for aspies when it comes to non-verbal language. I took a social skills course because I wanted to function like a normal person in society; to have friends, to get married, to get a job etc.

Social skills training is really more effective when used as teachable moment training. For example, you do the up front work with providing scripts, etc. for appropriate conversations/interactions or whatever. Then once you are in the situation, then you cue the person into the act of remembering the scripts. It's also really good to follow up good interactions as well as bad with repracticing and re-enacting those things afterwards and then giving ways to alternatively do these interactions.

This is really effective especially with higher functioning kids. I agree that it's difficult to teach social skills, but it's really more about creating a menu of choices for interactions for these guys. I've always taught my son that way and I use lots and lots of social stories. I find myself using these techniques in social situations where I'm unsure as well.

It's not fool proof and it's not autistic interaction for dummies manual material, but it is useful and does work sometimes!

To me it is like the difference between reading and watching basketball and going out and playing basketball. It is really hard to perfect your jump shot without stepping on the court and shooting some hoops.
It also helps to have the coach there with you giving you advice so you don't practice wrong.

Maybe you missunderstand what it means? My son (11) has really enjoyed his social skills training, via lunch bunch at school and a group session through a community group. Basically, it's structured and brokered play. As conflicts come up, as they always will, the "teachers" help the kids navigate the conflict and reach resolution. In this way my son has learned, basically, how to get what he wants, as well as how to let go of what he wants when appropriate. He has learned the give and take of play. Given that he is a child who does want to interact and play with other children, he enjoys having the tools to be able to do so more effectively and without less conflict. Less conflict = less stress = less meltdowns.

He even volunteered this past year to be a conflict manager on the playground, brokering other kids (including NT) conflicts. He's really proud of being able to help kids work though differences. He thinks the system he was taught in the training for the job is "magic," lol. He can't believe how easy it is to help other kids get through their differences.

It really helped me.

People say that, but in general people only want honesty when it makes them feel good or doesn't make them feel obliged to do anything.

Most of the time I forget that and I'm honest anyway.

Other times, I'm deliberately honest just to throw people....

I hate the "Does this dress make me look fat?" quandary and the "How are you?" quandary. For the first, there is no way to answer the way a person wants, they just seem to want to vent their own insecurities and will jump on you no matter if what you say is good or bad.

As for "How are you?" I've gotten reasonably good at responding with a simple "fine" but it's one of my peeves that our whole first interactions with people is based on what generally tends to be a ritual lie, except on the few occasions that people really are fine.

What purpose does it serve to lie? And yet to do anything other than lie (assuming you're not fine) is viewed as rude or annoying.

With regards to social skills training, I'd like to know just where you go to get such training, as I'd really like to be able to make myself better understood. Life's been frustrating lately because of social blunders, and its just one of those long stretches where you feel like no matter what you do it's the wrong thing....

Yote

it's like when they tell you to "think".... and you already are!

before ever knowing about AS... i always figured my "inclination" gene was wrong... not necessarily "instinct"... as i feel i get a good base feeling of people/things... but beyond that... im always wrong... wrong... wrong.