Self-help skills + basic vs. advanced self-help

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I heard professionals say: Things like dressing, tidying up are basic self-help skills.
And such things as shopping, managing bureaucracy are considered advanced.
One must acquire basic self-help skills to learn advanced ones.

How are your self-help skills overall?

Cleaning up, dressing, cooking, managing everything for your job/school yourself and everything else?

Anybody really good at the advanced stuff but messing with a lot of the basic things?

The professional statements can't be ultimately true, because I'm really good with 'complicated' things such as going outside, talking to all the bureaus, talking to people etc. No problem. But I get some of the 'easy' things wrong, I suck at making the bed, I sometimes get dressing wrong and I need a plan for everything.

I actually went to a MILITARY SCHOOL! I even tie ties near perfect(VERY hard for anyone to do), and do hospital corners! So I do the skills, as you describe them, about as perfect as anyone is likely to do.

That's more than as perfect as most people even, I think.

So many of the of guys complain they have no idea how to put sheets on a bed and tie ties until they're drafted. And then 1 year later they proudly explain they learnt to survive on their own haha

One of the weirder things I experienced was getting the lowest score possible on a test of communication.

It was because most of it involved simple social comments that I'm not in the habit of making. So the person marked down truthfully that I rarely or never said these things, and I ended up with an extremely low score.

It never asked whether I was a good writer, or whether I could say complex things, or anything beyond the basic things, which are among the most consistently bad things for me in communication.

I was actually TRICKED into going to the military school VOLUNTARILY! I thought the education would be better, and there would be more to do. The owner tried to act all honest, etc... even though everyone that went to the school saw him as a hypocrite. The only worthwhile things I "learned" there, about "life skills", were tying a tie and hospital corners.

For the tie, I didn't know how to do a windsor knot, and tying it perfectly takes PRACTICE!(Perfectly means it is tight, but medium size, no folds at the top, and both ends are the same length after being pulled around the neck in a tight but comfortable fashion.) It is STUPID, but most feel only idiots wear clipons. Clipons DO look perfect, and can't be used to choke you, but they are looked at as socially inferior. GO FIGURE! I KNEW how to do hospital corners, but doing them right takes practice also.

As for sheets, etc? I have done that since I was a little kid. That IS ironic since, unless someone will come by and see my room, I don't see the point. If my parents came over, I MIGHT do the guest rooms, but mine would look much as it did when I got up.

Of course, I once had a BEAUTIFUL corner group, complete with things like duvets. THAT was when I was VERY fastidious! I ALWAYS kept that looking like it was still in the showroom. That meant any bedding had to be TIGHT! Unfortunately, I am FAR less fastidious now, and that corner group was fine when I was a little kid. Today I am just to big. 8-(

I'm all over the place, really.

Preparing food/drinks that are more advanced than opening a packet/tin, or pouring the liquid, I can't do. I can fix mechanical things, take them apart and put them back together, without instruction (which isn't something every "normal" person can do); I can't make the bed, as I must leave it be how I left it (I don't like change...), but I'm sure I could just straighten the quilt out if I didn't mind change. I'm really bad at filling out forms, and I can't talk on the phone to organize anything; I can pay bills, order stuff, post stuff, buy groceries that I've bought before (I can't buy stuff that I haven't bought before, or a substitute if the item I want isn't there). I can manage funds.

I'm pretty high-functioning, really.

I'm sort of like Daniel -- all over the place, but in slightly different areas for some of them.

Another interesting thing that would seem contradictory if unaware is basically...

I can bake well. Have been able to since the moment I tried it. Received absolutely no formal instruction in how to do it. Just sort of... did it. My first accomplishment was a tea ring from my great-grandmother's recipe book. The following is a photo of my third (didn't take pictures of the first two, but they're basically the same):



And while that is not the most complex thing to bake, it's obviously not the simplest either. I've had to challenge myself by getting baking books that are intended for advanced bakers. And even then, while I don't get things perfect, I still get things good enough that other people like to eat them, even sometimes giving me ingredients so I'll make them. It's the first time I ever recall truly being bored enough with something to deliberately increase the challenge that far. (This was said of me a lot in the past, but it was overload, not boredom, causing the problem, and treating it like boredom made it worse.)

On the other hand, my cooking skills are at least as limited as Daniel's, and often more so.

This does limit my baking abilities a bit, but only for things that require frying or boiling the dough and things like that.

I could not cook to save my life. I've been put in that position before, and had to eat entirely uncooked things, and even that was so sporadic I lost more weight than was healthy.

To me though, the reason for the difference is this: Baking generally allows way more time to elapse between steps. This means I can do something, rest for a long time, then do a little more, then rest for a long time. Many people say they are not patient enough for baking, but I'm the opposite. I don't mind waiting, and if I did not have to wait I would run into more trouble. My favorite recipes are the ones that take several days to make, where you just change one thing and then leave it for another day, and so on, until it's done. Very slow, which is normally my pace with things like that. (And the long, slow rises even give the bread more flavor!)

This need for slowness and long breaks unfortunately means I would have trouble making enough bread to survive on. One thing a lot of people don't realize is just because I have the ability to do something, does not mean that I can sustain doing it repetitively for long periods of time every day.

It's like any other skill that way -- I have to be able to access it, I have to have the energy, I have to be able to move my body in certain ways, I have to be able to keep up a certain level of comprehension, and none of those things are guaranteed or easy for me, ever. Unfortunately, most people don't work that way at all, at least not with the same skills I am that way about. So it's very hard to explain to most people why being able to do something doesn't mean being able to do it all the time or even most of the time.

Well I am no good at folding, and makeing bed, I have had a history of dressing wrong, such as wearing them inside out, it is not funny to suddnly realise at school that some of your clothes are inside out. I once almost wore pyjamas to school once, I sometimes choose clothes that have holes in them by accident and end up walking around with jeans which have hole in the middle. I am terrible with shopping as I fear that I am bothering the cashier, I could not force myself to go to my school tuckshop. Actualy the thinking that I am bothering someone seems to be one of my biggest problems.

I took a test called the KTEA, and the math section had me at a kindergarten level math skills. Even though I did AP calculus last year and got "A"s on exams. This is because, while I understand more complicated math ideas and equations, I can't do arithmetic unless it's really basic, like 2+2 or 5+5.

Thing is, because of the methodology of the test, they had to get a few right to establish a basal and work up from there. So the test had enough really basic arithmetic that I could do, so that they stopped at the basic arithmetic questions, even though I can do intermediate college level math.

While it's silly, I realize that this documentation is going to the college I'll be attending, and I'm going to be taking calculus-based physics, so while I am confident I can send them an explanation to clear up confusion from this, it will probably be an irritating experience, as many people don't get how one can do poorly at one skill while excelling at another skill they think is very closely related.

(Really though, if I want to add double-digit numbers, I'm getting my calculator out - do I really need to be able to do it in my head or on paper?)

That sounds like a friend of mine.

She was in remedial math all through school. She still can't reliably add or multiply single-digit numbers.

But she was fascinated by division by zero (which teachers thought was more proof that she was incompetent and clueless), and through that started eventually reinventing the foundations of calculus. Once a particular teacher found out, she ended up in more advanced math classes, and even attempting to major in it.

And, as I said, she still can't do basic arithmetic. But she can go way over the heads of a lot of people who can.

At the age of 4 I had the spelling age of a 3 year old...And the reading age of a 16 year old... Go figure. Anyhows I still find things like tidying up and cooking and the like difficult, but shopping and forms (as long as they don't ask me how I feel) etc are easy.

ahhh omgosh my self help skills suck, i cant even do my own hair, i found a way to buy fake hair to put in a weird bun so it looks normal lol, but thats it, cant even put it in a pony tail. My mother does my hair. I can dress myself but its differcult for me. I can't cook, i did buy a pec cookbook, but havent used it yet. I need somebody to cook, or get me food, the only thing i can do is cereal, some frozen meals but i really dont like them, and know how to make peanut butter and jelly lol, but other then that if foods not put on the table or not made for me, i dont eat, i rely on peanut butter crackers which everybody stocks up on for me haha, but other then that i wont eat if the food isnt provided for me. I can run errands to the bank and buy crickets for my lizards, i even have alittle tuperware thing where i store the exact amount so i dont have to speak to anyone. I cant clean anything, except i can use lysol wipes which i do lol they save my life other then that, i have problems using the vacume or washing floors or etc, so somebody has to keep things clean for me or i freak out lol. All my shoes are already tied because i have problems tieing them haha. I can pick out my clothes for the next day but usually need some form of assistance. Lately ive been forgetting to flush the toilet lol. I have a certian bed routine, where if its not done right, every light has to be off, and my light therapy has to be on for 15mins, alarm clock set, day crossed off, clothes for tomorrow, bed made before i get in it, room cleaned, room lysol wiped, animals fed, if its not all done, i dont sleep i walk endlessly through the night lol. And I dont do any of above, somebody has to do it for me. I also dont shop ever by myself, because i wander, and i have ended up in weird places due to wandering, and if i find out i got myself lost, ill stop wherever i am and just headbang against the ground. I have grocery shopped but cant do it alone. I only have store credit cards and need help paying them every month, i get the bill, i go over it with my mother give her the money and she mails it lol. I do have filing box thing, i keep my volunteer stuff, my gym stuff, my payment thingies, and etc but i need somebody to remind me constantly to put things in them sadly... So yea to answer your question, i have the poorest self help skills ever!

I guess thats why I'm labelled more moderate functioning rather then high functioning.
Its funny though i stim so much all the time, my self help skills are horrible, my verbal iq is very low, my self injury is so high i cant remember one day without headbanging, but sometimes it seems my social skills are really good, because theres times i do try to interact for the sake of my boyfriend, other times im completely in my own world, But there are times i do try to interact and be apart of people talking even if its not long, but since i do try to be social, and i can give great eye contact one on one with people i know, and i have a boyfriend. Those 3 things alone are what make me higher functioning, the rest leaves me in moderate functioning land lol,

wow sorry to get off topic, sorry sora .

Last edited by Age1600 on 26 Jul 2008, 8:03 am, edited 2 times in total.

My self-help skills are good, but I have difficulties organizing some of the more complicated stuff (eg. college).

I'm crass at all self-help techniques. I'm useless.

Well, a LOT of females have others do their hair. With some of the hairstyles, I don't even know how one can WAIT to have it done!



Again, I can see how some forms of dress can be difficult.



Well, many don't cook anyway. I can cook. I've made brownies and icecream. The last time I made brownies was like 7 years ago, and icecream about 20 years ago. Most of the food I eat is prepared.



SEE THERE!? EVEN your lizards eat prepared food!



OK, well, a lot of people don't even bother to clean!



I haven't tied my shoes for a WEEK! They came untied at the airport.

My self-help skills are good in the sense that I can perform any of the tasks mentioned, however, my ADD means that it is difficult to actually get them done. For instance, I can cook well, but that means I have to decide what to cook, actually go to the store and get the ingredients, and then get myself together to actually make it before ten o'clock at night. So I might perform some but not all of those steps (for example, buying the ingredients but not start making dinner), and end up eating popcorn for dinner instead. I do keep some packaged food around though, which comes in handy.

Also, my anxiety about talking to strangers makes it difficult to talk on the phone. So for example, I've needed to call the insurance company about this one issue for months now, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. So basically, I worry that I'll get a message from a collection agency for not paying my therapy bills before I can actually make myself call the insurance company and straighten things out.