Do you also find the following questions irritating?

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I don't very often talk to people, but every now and then I'll encounter someone who is not weirded out by my social skills and tries to engage me in friendly conversation. Some of the questions I usually get, which piss me off, are the following:

Do you have friends?
Why don't you have friends?
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Do you have a girlfriend?
Why don't you have a girlfriend?

Do you drink or smoke?
Why don't you drink or smoke?

Do you go out on the weekends?
Why don't you go out on the weekends?

The affirmative form of those questions pisses me off a lot more than the negative. The fact that someone felt the need to ask me such unusual questions tells me that they can tell right away that there is something "wrong" with me, and I find that very insulting.

The negative form of those questions, especially when following a negative reply to the positive questions, also angers me, but in a different manner. This time my anger is directed towards me, for not having the courage to make up a lie that would not challenge the asker's way of thinking; instead, I often find myself choosing to play the role of the pseudo-intellectual martyr, and end up telling it like it is, fearless of what people might think of me and almost too eager for a challenge. But, what the hell am I trying to prove? What's wrong with me bowing my head in fear, for the sake of sparing myself future negative emotions? Why did I have to confess all those things to them? And when challenged, why didn't I just reply in a facetious manner or tell them to mind their own business, why did I have to give them an honest answer? Why couldn't I distort the truth just one bit that one time for the sake of not validating the negative impression they had of me? It's like I never learn.

Yes, I find those questions annoying too.

Other questions I find extremely annoying:
What are you majoring in at college?
What potential careers are you looking at?

It's as if your social life and your occupation are the most important things about you.

The response 'Questions, questions...' usually said with a sigh and an annoyed look often works well.

I'm amazed at how NTs think it's their innate right to ask questions, they just keep firing them off. Isn't it supposed to be rude to ask a lot of questions?

Tell 'em nuffing, information is like money to them, don't give them any.

Yes, I hate those questions...and to add to the list:

"Are you married? Why not, what are you waiting for?"
"Why do you look so serious or sad or [insert negative emotion here]?"
"Why don't you drive?"
"Do you do anything besides work?"

Tell em:

I'll forgive you for asking rude questions if you forgive me for not answering.

Other than that, I had a few I hated and I came up with some very good conversation stoppers. For example:

Q: What do you do for a living?
A: I cremate dead bodies.

No NT is ever going to say "Oh thats nice. Do you enjoy your work?" because they probably cannot fathom enjoying that themselves.

No I dont really do that for a living.

Q: How old are you?
A: How old do you want me to be? I can be any age at all, for the right amount of money.

That works really well if you are a guy..

Q: where are you from?
A: My mom.

nuff said. It gets a laugh but it kills the topic.

Q: are you married?
A: not that i know of/no, but do you want to be my sixth wife/husband?

Q: are you dating/have a girl/boyfriend?
A: Nobody has paid me to be their boyfriend all week.

Being asked if I have a boyfriend, and subsequently being asked why I don't, irritates me to no end. It's none of your f***ing business what I do in my personal life.

Dart,

Interesting you should list those 2 questions. The store I work at hires a lot of college students, and I often ask them what they're majoring in and what they want to do when they graduate, not to be a busybody or intrusive, but rather to start up a decent conversation with them, since I have difficulty with doing so at times. It also gives me some idea of what careers are out there other than retail, should I decide I don't want to work where I'm at right now. They don't seem to mind me asking. Could they feel the same way you do without me knowing it?

That is equivalent to answering no.

I like the idea of there being such a thing as good conversation stoppers. We should make a new thread about that very topic.

Last edited by Mw99 on 26 Jul 2008, 10:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That is strange that they ask you so many intrusive questions. The question I get more than any other is "What do you do for a living" and I would rather have all those questions you get than that one question and that is the question they always always ask and I have no idea why.

Is that all I am to them, someone they can latch onto because of my job?

those questions are a pain in the behind.
peoples always ask me about work too . i usually just reply with one word answers and that stops them after a minute or two.usually.

Yeah, I HATE those questions. After being HERE, I guess I can't even easily ask the "do you drive?" question. I was asked "YOU drive!?!?!?" about a year ago, and said "I'm from LA, OF COURSE I do! I just haven't been able to much.". I guess such an answer would be in bad form here though. With the REST, I try to avoid it. BTW in the US, supposedly, only 30% smoke now.

It DOES make me wonder how NTs think/feel. Just a couple days ago a person revealed that she thought I had a family. If I had a family, I would have another career. HECK, I started this about a decade ago PARTLY hoping I would meet someone. I never did. Out of all the coworkers I have had here, only THREE are single, besides myself. I think 2 are HFA and one is AS. The AS person seems to have EVERYTHING! He stims is SMART, honest, appears arrogant, and is obsessed with interests.

Yeah, I totally find those questions annoying. It seems whenever I get a new job where I have to work around people my age, they always start asking me questions like "Do you have a boyfriend?", "Do you drink?" , "Do you smoke?" , "Where do you live?" , "Do you have any brothers and sisters?" , etc. I always find it so annoying. It's always like why can't you just say hi and ask me my name? Why do you always have to make me feel like I'm in a police interogation. I also find it really annoying when people at my work ask me what I'm going to do after work. I always tell them that I'm just probably going to go home and they look at me like that's the craziest or strangest thing that they have ever heard.

Anyone who asks you these kinds of questions is tactless at best and cruel at worst. I would reply with "Do you?" and when they answer in the affirmative say, "Really? I thought you were asking me for advice." And say it loud enough so that everyone around hears. Then, avoid them; you can find better people to talk to.

The other questions mentioned here are how NTs get to know each other better. They don't mean to be intrusive or rude -- they truly don't understand our need for privacy. Other than giving as short and undetailed an answer as possible and then changing the subject, I really haven't found a way to respond to this.

The one that really annoys me is when strangers on the bus ask me where I live -- that's just plain creepy! I don't care how rude they think I am --I'm not telling them that!! !

What do you do for a living? What's the name of the company? What's your title?
Where do you live? Is it a house or an apt.? Owned or rented? Do you live alone or share?
Do you have a car? What make? What model? What year?
Why aren't you married? Why did you divorce your ex husband?

I've come to hate the interrogation so much that I just gave up meeting new people. I had struggled with this issue for years, it was excruciating. Now I live happier, nobody asks me because I don't put myself in the situation. If anyone asks one of the failing questions as Mw explains in the opening post, I don't get tempted to say the truth anymore. If I can't evade the question, I lie through my teeth and if they ever call me on the lies I don't give a damn.

I searched for almost 10 years intensively, and I've yet to meet ONE person who is curious about me regarding ANYTHING OTHER THAN MY SOCIO-ECONOMIC STATUS

People seem to have lost the ability to relate to each other without knowing each other's socio-economic status beforehand. Just like dogs smelling each other's bit at the first encounter in order to establish who's dominant in the new relationship and if they have something in common.

A couple decades ago people would start a conversation by talking about something that was going on around them and interested them both, such as the weather, a nice painting on the wall, the music, the scenery, the decoration, etc. Then they'd ease their way into a more personal conversation IF the chemistry was there, and sill: the questions were vague and open-ended, leaving YOU the control of how much to disclose and at what rhythm. Not anymore. Nowadays you'd better blurt out all the socio-economic info immediately or you're attacked and ignored from then on.

In my country, this is even more drastic a custom than anywhere else in the world, so I'm very touched by this topic.

And to answer the OP: YES, I fail the interrogation inevitably if I don't lie.

I think the best solution is to agressively turn attention to them: "yes/no, how about you?" And keep it on them. Most people actually like to talk about themselves (or so I'm told). Unless they're unemployed or involuntarily single or otherwise socially embarrassed in some way, in which case you can both hastily retreat to the weather if neither of you has anything to boast about.

What would an Aspie say? I know what this one would say. "That's cool...weird...but cool."