My Aspie trait list

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This is in no particular order. I just started writing down my Aspie-ish ways in a notebook a couple days ago, and every time I think of a new one, I add it.



-eye contact, either avoid by using peripheral vision, or stare depending on my mood or current level of brain busy-ness, but I'm pretty good one-on-one like in therapy
-facial expression, my face is often blank and it feels fake to make facial expressions, even when I want to express something genuine
-I don't use hand gestures much
-special interests- childhood it was completely horses, adolescence it was the Beatles, now I have many interests but I like to get into things very deeply
-hand flapping and finger flicking, very minimal I only do it in private
-interested in parts of objects- I like to know chemistry traits of household chemicals, I like knowing about specific bacteria and viruses and how they work
-I just feel altogether socially impaired
-I miss social cues, I knew this about myself before I even knew anything about AS
-I don't know when or how to say things even though I may know I'm supposed to say it
-I have a very strong need to control my environment. I sort of freak out when I need something (scissors) and it's not in the place it's supposed to be.
-It's hard for me to control my tone of voice, I must plan ahead or borrow someone else's tone, or my voice will just be flat or have the wrong tone.
-I have an excellent vocabulary, but scant emotional vocabulary
-my language/voice lacks an emotional component
-people make fun of how I talk or comment on how I talk differently
-words always create literal visual images in my head, even for figures of speech that I know. Like if someone says 'I'm on cloud nine' I know it means they are very happy but mentally I still see the person standing on a cloud.
-I often see text in my head when hearing or speaking language
-I avoid saying words I don't know how to spell
-I prefer watching movies with subtitles turned on
-I mix up word order when I speak too quickly
-I watch people's mouths when they talk, sort of lip reading
-I often ask people to repeat themselves, despite my excellent hearing (CAPD)
-motor clumsiness, not so much now, but as a child I could not play sports worth a darn, always last picked for teams, my body just wouldn't work for me
-inappropriate laughter, I can recall three specific times in childhood when I was horrifically terrified and wanted to cry, but could only laugh uncontrollably, and no one understood so no one helped me or comforted me They thought I was being a smart-ass.
-I lose the ability to speak when under emotional distress
-A few times under severe distress I go like catatonic and get frozen or stuck
-I've had a few 30 second bouts of derealization
-Every day at work I get up and leave my coworkers after lunch without saying anything because I don't know what to say.
-I'm ambidextrous
-I had advanced reading skills at a young age
-I have photographic memory
-I have sensory issues, it feels like loud noises are physically attacking me, bright light physically hurts my eyes and skin, heat makes me angry. I have literally run the kids home from the park if it suddenly gets too bright and too hot.
-I've gotten a few comments about how I walk differently
-I used to echo myself out loud, now I do it in my head sometimes
-I love talking to myself
-Play as a child, I liked setting stuff up but didn't play dramatically, I would arrange furniture in the dollhouse but never played with the dolls, I never played house, I liked getting into small spaces, I liked hiding, I liked watching others interact and I still do, I could play by myself just fine, I was always drawn to reading, coloring, and drawing
-I had severe selective mutism until I was about 12
-My voice is just too quiet
-I hate hugs
-Now when I really get into something (like posting on WP) I ignore the kids too much.
-I forget to eat or prepare meals, I lose track of time easily
-Previous sessions with a marriage counselor, she talked about mental and emotional stuff and half the time I had no idea what she was talking about. It's just stuff I don't comprehend.
-I still don't know the rules of playground games and sports. Other kids would trick me into breaking game rules so I would be disqualified.
-It doesn't occur to me that other people wonder what I think of them
-When I was a young child of 4 or 5, my dad shaved his beard and I didn't speak to him until it grew back in because he looked like a stranger. I was very upset and scared.
-It wears me out to socialize
-I don't need other people's approval to feel good about myself
-I love systems
-There is a type of mantle clock that has a piece that spins horizontally back and forth. I was completely mezmerized by it as a child, and I want to buy one now just so I can stare at it.
-I had a metal slinky when I was very young. I liked to bite it and wiggle it because it made crazy vibrations in my head.
-As a young child I would make all kinds of wierd noises for long periods of time. Drove my mom mad.
-Even when I like someone, they think I don't
-As a young child, if any of my food on my plate was touching, I wouldn't eat any of it.
-I spun in circles A LOT! I liked spinning in circles on my hands and knees so the blood would rush to my head.
-I was upside down a lot too.
-Now I often feel totally disconnected.
-I was once fired from a job because I am nieve, I got manipulated by my coworkers and then was unable to effectively verbally defend myself.
-I yell at my kids too much because they overstimulate me
-I was bullied a lot in school
-I believe perfect truth is the most important ideal
-I am a terrible procrastinator
-I am a perfectionist
-I only just realized a few weeks ago that it is possible to offend someone by not saying anything. Damn, I thought silence was safe, you know: If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. I had always interpreted that as 'it's good to not say anything'
-I don't like clothing with bright colors or patterns
-I don't usually react immediately to anything, I like to think things over and decide on the best reaction
-I don't remember what emotions feel like after a day or two, so if I feel something I don't like, I just wait a day or two and it will go away
-emotions are neither good nor bad, they're just there
-really, emotions are just chemical reactions in the body, maybe some kind of vestigial evolutionary thing
-I feel detached from my own emotions, so how could I even relate to anyone else's emotions?
-I have trouble making some value judgements
-I lack visual filters, which makes me an excellent visual artist. I really see with my eyes not my brain. I see how things really are, not how they are supposed to be.
-In early childhood, I did not understand punishment. I would get punished, and had absolutely no idea what was going on. No clue. Was this a game? Was this an accident? What happens next? What am I supposed to do? What happened that made my mom put soap in my mouth??? Was I supposed to eat it? Was it good for me? Why is my teacher making me stand in front of the class? Is it a game? Who else gets to play with me?
-In second grade my teacher gave our class a worksheet of several visual patterns of shapes and we had to choose the next shape that goes in the pattern. I was the only one in class who got them all right. My teacher was extremely impressed and decided right then and there to give me a poster of a kitten and made a huge deal about it. I was proud, but it was easy for me. I felt I didn't really deserve special recognition for doing something so easy. But I liked the poster, so I accepted it. This same teacher was later shocked that I wasn't selected for the gifted program. As was I. And my parents.
-When I don't see someone for a while, I reclassify them as a stranger. I don't feel comfortable with them like I used to.
-I have no interest in conformity. But as the result of terrible bullying, I try to just blend in and not get noticed.
-I don't like to make noise when I walk, breathe, or swallow food or drink.
-I choose the softest shoes I can find
-I often don't know how to play with my own kids
-I have never chosen someone to befriend, but have passively accepted friendship from a few other girls in grade school. They have been wonderful, probably life-saving for me. But this is one reason why idiot therapist thinks I don't have AS. Because I had friends. Yeah, like the same three friends all my life.
-Three years in college and I never made any friends there.
-I never asked for help in school when I needed it, heck I don't think I ever asked for help with anything from anyone
-I had a lot of trouble getting homework done even though I knew how to do it. I would sit and stare at it and lose track of time.
-I need strong external structure to get things done, and caffeine
-I once got detention in grade school for not doing my homework. Turned out, detention was wonderful, because of the structure, I got all my homework done in that hour.
-In middle school, I got in-school-suspension for fighting a bully who tortured me for years. I was in a room by myself the whole day. I got all my schoolwork done then had time for reading for pleasure and drawing. No one bothered me. It was the absolute best day I ever had in school.
-I feel uncomfortable saying people's names, and I don't like hearing my own name either
-I forget that people can see me. As in, I forget that people expect me to respond to them.
-I can't make words out of nothing. I need specific prompting. (which is why therapy is going nowhere, my therapist doesn't ask me the right questions.)
-I have a lot of anxiety over when to speak to break silence. Now? Now? Now?
-I unintentionally imitate other people's voices, accents, or words.
-I remember being born
-I have several very early memories
-If I knew I could live the rest of my life never speaking to anyone, I probably wouldn't, and I wouldn't miss speech.
-Most of the time I feel that explaining things to others isn't worth the effort, even if I like the person, or the info is important.
-I'm capable of forming thoughts, feelings, opinions, and memories without language.
-For me emotions and language are separate things
-I know what the 'right' emotions are, but sometimes don't feel them
-I can hear bugs crawling in dry leaves, and water or worms in the soil
-Sometimes when I'm around new people, my body doesn't work as well, I can't focus my strength.
-My lifetime theme seems to be accidentally offending people
-Up until age 5 or 6, I would reflexively curl my toes every time my mom put my shoes on, making it impossible until she said, "don't curl your toes!" and I straightened them out. I didn't even know I was doing it. It was always a fight.
-I prefer email to speaking in person
-I hate talking on the phone
-I like knowing the scientific names of living things (Genus species)
-I like identifying trees, birds, plants, and animal tracks that I see
-I like deep pressure, I would shove my arms and legs between the couch cushions as a child.
-I did not perform self-care, personal hygiene until about age 12. No one took care of me either. I was a mess, never brushed my hair, wore the same clothes for a week at a time, even slept in them, didn't shower often. Other kids noticed, even said things to me, and I still didn't get it. Basically it was when I got my period that it sort of shocked my psyche into noticing that I had a body to take care of.


What do you think? Ought I be diagnosed? I swear I'm not making up any of this. My therapist actually told me to write down why I think I'm Aspie. LOL

What a wonderful list! I think it's great you're doing this. And you definitely sound like an Aspie. : )
Good luck on your diagnosis. I think I might want to start keeping a journal or something like this.

Thanks Aurore!

Can anyone else give me some feedback?

Ug, looking at your list just killed my mind. I'll list the main "AS" points that are seen in a clinical setting, so you can compare yourself to that (these must be clinically evident if it's possible to show them in a professional setting):

Poor nonverbal communication; exhibiting and understanding of such
Problems with speech; monotonic speech (a lack of the correct emotional inflection to the situation--it doesn't mean sounding like a robot), a pedantic way of speaking, trouble understanding the meaning of conversations, taking things literally
A lack of social reciprocation; fairly evident--this often manifests as a one-sided, inappropriate, naive and insensitive approach to others, rather than the usual give and take of social interaction
The all-encompassing interest that you devote inordinate amounts of time to (collecting facts along the way), which interferes with daily activities

This is the common picture of AS.

Keep in mind that Daniels list might be a LITTLE misleading. They ARE AS symptoms, but you don't need them in that way, etc...

Though some of what you list aren't necessarily AS symptoms, you ARE on the spectrum, and it DOES like you have AS.

It is funny that your talking about putting your arms between couch cushions, and daniel talking about the apparent lack of sympathy show ways of relating some symptoms to the DSM that I hadn't considered!

We share A LOT of similar traits. You should bite your nails in front of your therapist and never look her in the eye.

Thank you for affirming that you think I have AS. Which items on my list do you not think are Aspie-ish? I was thinking the birth memories and early memories. May not be Aspie, but perhaps point to some different kid of neurology.

I didn't mean that they indicated you didn't have AS. I just meant they didn't indicate that you did. In retrospect, I guess the three clearest examples of that are:



Even if they ARE far more common with those that have AS. The memory things are probably more unusual, etc... I have memories going back to like 2 months. I can't say truthfully I remember my birth. Your responses ARE earily similar to mine. The things I could not really match on your list are:



I should clarify, that I liked getting into small spaces, I liked hiding, I liked watching others interact and I still do, I could play by myself just fine, I was always drawn to reading, coloring, and drawing.

ALSO, some of the things you mentioned that I don't have ARE outgrowths of AS symptoms.

I EVEN was at a place that had several of those mantle clocks with the piece that rotated back and forth. A friend had a couple and, I believe, an uncle had one. I wasn't crazy about the ticking, but I did like the unusual mechanism.

I don't remember being born, but I do remember the first verbal thought I ever had in my life: "Today is my third birthday." Words have been running in my head ever since.

I'm not diagnosed yet, but we have much in common, so I think we both are Aspies.

i had the poor hygiene/self care problem in serious ways till I was about the same age, or possibly a little older. I continued to have trouble into high school even though by then I had settled into a socially acceptable (albiet nonconformist) way of dress....

I am not diagnosed, and may not even count as an aspie....am just not sure...I am certain I must qualify as being someplace on the spectrum, but I don't know exactly where....also I have family members with alot of traits common to the autistic spectrum..on both sides of my family.

Here are some of my traits....

I have walked on my tiptoes since childhood
This cooincided with very akward motor development in general...
Various and multiple stims that have come and gone over the years...
I almost completely avoid making eye contact...
obsessive compulsive thinking and behaviour...
Difficulty developing reciprocal relationships with other people....most particularly people who do not seem the least bit "spectrumy"....I am able to bond with some people..but most of them are extremely akward like me...
I obsessively collect things...and get caught up in all-consuming obsessions....
I don't drive a car..have a really hard time with depth perception and sensory overload..
I think visually and have a visual memory, but it is not always very functional...
I was more of a fact collector when I was younger...that is how I managed to learn anything at all...I still have traces of it left..like I have a long memory for facts...when they do sink in, i retain them and sometimes they will emerge when I least expect it...
Very delayed emotional development...i am like a 32 year old teenager basicly.
I am also somewhat ambidextrious
I have had meltdowns
I can go into sensory overload
um...blah blah...

I have family members & 1 friend who have Asperger's, and your descriptions were REALLY insightful. I wish I'd known about A. in my school years; I think there were several kids I would've understood better.

These are the traits I also have, that may just be personality/preferences/spatial thinker skills:

-special interests- childhood it was completely horses, adolescence it was the Beatles, now I have many interests but I like to get into things very deeply
-interested in parts of objects- I like to know chemistry traits of household chemicals, I like knowing about specific bacteria and viruses and how they work
-(I have to picture to spell words. I remember where on the page the info was.) I often see text in my head when hearing or speaking language
-I mix up word order when I speak too quickly
-(I think laughter is a reaction to overly scary situations.) inappropriate laughter, I can recall three specific times in childhood when I was horrifically terrified and wanted to cry, but could only laugh uncontrollably, and no one understood so no one helped me or comforted me They thought I was being a smart-ass.
-(I say HALF of therapists are incomprehensible!) Previous sessions with a marriage counselor, she talked about mental and emotional stuff and half the time I had no idea what she was talking about. It's just stuff I don't comprehend.
-(I prefer to be alone.) It wears me out to socialize
-(I love organization) I love systems
-(DITTO) I am a terrible procrastinator
-I am a perfectionist
-(I usually conceal what I really think--not spontaneous.) I don't usually react immediately to anything, I like to think things over and decide on the best reaction
-(I am a visual learner. I was in the gifted program, but later tested too low.) In second grade my teacher gave our class a worksheet of several visual patterns of shapes and we had to choose the next shape that goes in the pattern. I was the only one in class who got them all right.
-(I did this in college) I never asked for help in school when I needed it, heck I don't think I ever asked for help with anything from anyone
-(Mine is different, but related: As soon as people say their name, I'm so overwhelmed by direct eye contact & absorbing their body language I immediately forget the name.) I feel uncomfortable saying people's names, and I don't like hearing my own name either
-I prefer email to speaking in person
-I like identifying trees, birds, plants, and animal tracks that I see

Also:
+Not knowing what to say at the right time is a really universal weakness, at different levels of course.
+I'm much more logical/less emotional that other people. I wonder why people cry so easily...

Thanks again for your list...
Liz

Very interesting list. I giggled a little at your mention of the clock my parents had a similar kind of clock when I was a kid and I too would be mesmerised by the little ball things spinning back and forth...if you still want one I'm pretty sure it's called an Anniversary Clock!

Big list, too much to read, need to have a lie down

That sounds familiar... (Tho' I got overloaded about 2/3 of the way down and had to step away to quiet my mind)

I've compiled a list, too, in part because I needed to prove to myself that I wasn't just pulling things out of the air... and I insisted that in order to "count" any of the traits, I had to come up with at least one concrete example that sprang immediately to mind, and have a number of other examples from different times in my life to substantiate what I wrote.

I spent so many years running and hiding from all my traits and tendencies, that when I finally stopped running and took a long, hard look at myself, it was hard to believe that it was really me I was writing about.

But it was -- I have done such a thorough job of compensating and covering up, that what goes on inside really is very different from how I present on the outside. But it's weird, too, because what I know to be true inside seems/feels absolutely logical and "normal" to me... until it hits that external "field" of others' perceptions, and then I start to feel really odd and malformed.

Which probably explains why I spend so much time inside my head/heart, with my stock collection of scripted interactions (which have grown more complex and sophisticated and detailed over the decades) ready for the outside world.

There just hasn't been much point to revealing any of this to other people.

Not much point at all.

What a good thread! I have a couple of Aspie traits:

-Occasional inappropriate behavior in social situations
-Talking to myself a lot lately
-Not knowing when someone is not interested
-Leaving stuff hanging around in my room instead of organizing it
-Outbursting and irritation when frustrated sometimes