Oh #%@* I think I'm an Aspie!!

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Ok so many many of you guys have already been through this I'm sure!? I'm having an epiphany, only one that is causing a great amount of internal conflict. I've hit the question. Maybe I'M aspie. We are about to get our son assesed and in the huge long process of reaching this decision we've been reading and talking. First this new information made me realise my Father is most probably on the spectrum. Then I identified my brother as most probably being in this category, then hubby go's hey Tictoc I think I'm on the spectrum and I go yeah that makes sense. But Oh #%@* now it's my turn, and now I'm so totally aware how my brain can't stop analysing. My brain is like a computer that has to "fiddle". No rest. Funny thing is that my main obsession is human thought and behaviour. See I used to never never fit in. Used to go around constantly trying to work out what was wrong with me. Collapsed into my internal bubble of depression and apathy. Blew a fuse at eleven and decided I couldn't cope with rejection so I would use my thinking skills to analyse the behaviour of others and "copy" what I needed to "fit in". Since then I've been observing people and observing myself. Was quite an amazing descovery really, that I could observe and analyse myself and others. But I'm just starting to think it's not Normal to be so obsessed about being normal, hahah. I'm just beginning to think that when most people are in social situations they don't actually process all the information at once like actually being aware of every little gesture and facial expression of the person they are talking to and their own movements and expressions, words and their precise meaning etc etc all at the same time. I'm constantly analyising all of this information and then reflecting over and over on my social experiences to check whether everything went ok. what was usuall unusuall etc. Then I categorise all of this information sort of unconciously.
It's like I have a file in my brain of all the people in my life. Their like's dislikes, way's of talking, making conections blah blah blah, so that I know how to behave around them. Oh bugger, I don't think that's "normal" is it????
Just realised I have obsessions, oh beautiful beautiful obsessions, like people's thought's and behaviour, modern cloth nappies and natural/ orthomolecular medicine. I just want to think about these things all the time. Why wouldn't you?? It's so therapeutic, smooth. Diving in and just floating in an obsession. It's rest. My goodness. I said to my hubby " I have obsessions don't I". "Yep". I thought they were interests, but I'm just realising that all these other people don't have interests like me. I went to a thing called a nappachino. Thought all these women would bring along their modern cloth nappies and sit and obsess about them, touch them, talk about them, all the pro's and con's of each little feature, blah blah blah. But they didn't!! ! Not a nappy in sight!! ! They sat there and drank coffee and ate cake and made small talk and bloody enjoyed themselves, and all I could do is think ' oh should I sit here, am I too quiet. Hey this one dresses like this and that one is loud and that one obviously knows this one and she's got no dress sense. OOh am I dressed properly for this group of people. Umm obviously these people are talking about so and so and so and so is someone that that one and that one and that one know but they are not here, and then I'm wondering who so and so is and where they live and how evreybody does or doesn't know so and so and I think I could ask but maybe that's not right I'd better stay quiet. Then I go over and over the whole event again and again in my mind for the rest of the day. And my main bug is that they didn't talk about nappies, much. Resolve not to go back again because I don't fit in and I'm heartily dissapointed because I've realised this "nappachino" was just an excuse for a social get together and I envisaged it would be a technical but social gathering revolving around the topic of modern cloth nappies. Instead it was a gathering that USED the topic of modern cloth nappies as an excuse to sit and chat. By the way where I live nappy is the word we use for diaper. Anyway the point of this exposay on my nappachino experience is to demonstrate somehow that I don't think I'm like most other people and I think it might be because I'm an Aspie!! ! Any advise??

you mean the whole damn family could be aspie?

..just hang around, have a read through some of the threads or the archived threads (use the search function), see what you think. I recognise myself in others here. Some people decide they don't have it after spending some time with us.

Just don't freak about it, its okay. When I freaked out about possibly being Aspie (still don't know for sure), it exasperated my bipolar disorder and well unpleasantness... did you try the online Aspie Quiz?

Be happy!

I was lucky enough to have parents go "Oh (*&* I think ___'s an aspie!" when I was in my early teens, so they could tell me gently... but they were learning about it after getting into special education and going to a seminar where they sat and went "Oh my goodness, that's our girl!".

Seriously, Aspergers isn't anything to be afraid of - it's a blessing! Be proud, revel in it!

Sure, it's got its down sides and no matter how hard you try you'll always have those moments where you stuff up, but so what? Everyone makes mistakes every now and then, everyone finds socialising hard at times, everyone has interests... just be proud yours are so strong, not many people can boast of being such a wealth of information. Just look at the good parts. I love being an Aspie, I'm proud to be an Aspie! Maybe that'd be different if I struggled with socialising and wasn't independent, but I also think it's slightly different in women anyway and we do find it easier than our male counterparts in that women tend to be more conversational, social beings anyway...

Honestly, I could've written that post myself. Well, parts of it. Specifically the way you said you suddenly realised that if you observe and analyse other people's behaviour you could copy it and fit in better - that's exactly what I did, age 11 (I remember it clearly!) and within a year I had a group of friends, I was socialising relatively normally, and now it's second nature. Even though I do still go on about things too much, and interrupt, and dominate conversation too much, and don't pick up on cues sometimes. Nobody would know I'm an aspie though!

Also, natural medicine is my obsession too, as you'd probably notice from a few of my posts as you look around. Nice to see I'm not the only one here into it...


Honestly, welcome to the club! We're all a bit crazy, a bit silly, a bit funny, but then so is everyone else in the world. Don't panic, just read up what you can. If you've got kids and a husband you're obviously doing pretty well so just see it as something to help you understand yourself and your child a bit better, and smile! Some of the smartest, funniest, most brilliant minds in the world are Aspie - you're in good company.

It is a shock when you are researching a way to help your kids and you suddenly find out they got their ASD honestly. I thought my daughter's autism came out of the blue like a lightning bolt, but now I know my uncle, my dad, I, my nephew, my niece, etc also are on the spectrum. Oh, right, and one of my sons. And now I know why I can never figure out what's going on.

tictoc, your reaction to difficulties at 11, is a typical female reaction to coping with AS [See Tony Attwood's, Complete Guide to Asperger Syndrome]. Also it's not uncommon for autistics to marry other austistics, see Simon Baron-Cohen's work on "Associative Mating" at www.autismresearchcentre.com . Best Wishes - HW.

I find it ironic that 11 is my lucky number, and when - as fits the typical aspie female profile - I flipped and started making a strong attempt to 'fit in'.

I even remember cutting my leg trying to shave it so I could be like the 'cool kids', while thinking "What on earth is the point in this?"

I dont know if this helps, but when I got my DX I was happy, some close friends could not understand my reaction. The way I see it I have always had AS, its not like I have just been diagnosed with an illness that has come about later in life. Its an opportunity to learn how to effect change to some of my behaviours and get an easier life.

I know the feeling. Shock...then relief.

It's impressive when someone reads like they're breathlessly running onward at full tilt.
Not that I'm saying anything, just saying that it's quite an effect.

I was happy when I was first diagnosed. I knew I was "different" but I just thought is was because I was clever. Finding out that there is a reason why I don't make friends easily or don't want to make many friends was a relief. I always like learning things about myself. Knowing that I have AS didn't change who I am, it just made me more aware of who I really am.