when's the best time to tell child s/he's asperger's?

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I've been thinking about it recently, in regards to my 6 year old. I think it's way beyond his comprehension now, and I'm in no rush. But when have other parents told their children? And for adults, when would you have wanted to be told? Is there a right time? Is there a time by when it's definitely 'too late'?

Any tips on how to do it (or how NOT to do it) would also be appreciated. Horror stories or great stories...all examples are great, I think.

Since the diagnoses is offical. I always wanted to know why my mom was dragging me to countless shrinks. So when it was offical my mom told me I had AS.

Yeah, when I was about 10 and was diagnosed, my dad told me I had a different brain wiring called Asperger's, a kind of autism, and that was why I had difficulty in loud places and was different in my thinking.

At the time, I basically said, "OK", thinking "so that's that word for the way I am" and didn't think about it much after that, until I was 13 and really doubting that I'm autistic, even though it's totally apparent, and 2 years later I joined WP and was understanding and accepting it, doing lots of Internet research about it, and 3 years after that I am an autistic activist.

So, he may not think much of it initially, may dismiss it or accept it immediately on the surface, and if he's resistant to the idea, best to just emphasize that it's not a defect, and then not push information or discussion with him, but say that he can talk about it or ask questions if he gets interested in it.

You can keep a good book or two about autism (maybe a Tony Attwood book?) around the house, so that if he gets interested in it when older, he can go to that source as well as to you.

Keep in mind, that whatever age you tell him, that there's a range of responses that are likely, and don't be surprised if there's a time where he is in denial about it, maybe saying things like "there's no way Asperger's describes me".

These things can be expected, so it's best to have the information there, let them know it's nothing to be ashamed about, and encourage them to talk about it if they want to.

I've known people who had adopted children and told them they were adopted well before they were old enough to comprehend. The child grew up alwaying knowing and accepting they were adopted and the parents never had to drop any sort of bombshell. I think this could also apply...but then again, just my humble opinion.

I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS when I was four and told about it just before I turned 19, when I told my mum a few months ago the university psychs suggested I had something on this spectrum and I read up about it. (ie, I essentially found out by myself when I was 18)

She also told me she had told me about it several times before. I don't remember this. I have a feeling she just told me I had some condition and that meant I found talking to people harder and that was the entire conversation, so I dismissed it as not being relevant. (I already knew I couldn't do that, so what use is this thing)

So I suggest also explaining it to him what it involves, how he is different, it would have made my high school (year 7-12 here) life a lot better had I understood *why* I was so different to everyone else, and why I was so good at some things but hopeless in other areas.
I don't think knowing would have mattered to me much in primary school, but any time after hitting double figures I would have loved to be told, with the door open to discuss it again as I grew older and understood more about myself/the world.

And yeah, never too late, I'm so happy I know now.

As young as possible so it's just another fact of life. Like having two arms and two legs or carrying an Epipen or Puffer.

That's my take on it.
L.

Just tell him now. I wouldn't come out and say 'hey, your stupid, get over it!' But telling him nicely wont hurt him.

If you tell a small child that his body is a bit different, and he wont be able to drink milk because he is lactose intolerant, he isnt going to cry and have a breakdown. Likewise, if you tell your son that his mind is a bit different, and its called AS, he probably wont think anything of it. I wouldn't try to explain everything about AS to him, but I would mention the basics. For example, it might go like this:

Hello son, we need to talk for a bit.

Everybody is different, and we each have our own special traits. You happen to have something called Asperger's syndrome. It means that you think a bit differently then most people, and you also act a bit strangely compared to most people. There is nothing wrong with having Asperger's syndrome, and it doesnt make you a bad person. You may have some trouble understanding other people, and you will probably have sensitive hearing. In any case your still my son, and I love you. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask me.

Modify to your wishes, but thats about the basics of what you'll want to say. Of course you'll want to answer any questions he has. And give him an honest answer, saying 'you wont understand' isn't a good answer. If you don't think he will understand it, then simplify it until he does. And saying 'I don't know, but I will find out' is an acceptable answer, believe it or not, admitting you don't know will get your more respect then lying or saying 'I say so'.

Over time, as things happen in his life, you can say 'that is due to AS'. For example, if he has trouble making friends, you can help him understand how to do things differently for better results. And explain that its due to his AS that he has these troubles. Remind him that AS doesn't mean that he will always have these problems, its just what causes them in the first place.

I told my son as soon as he was diagnosed. He was 8. I knew he was somehow different from the beginning. I didn't really know it was ASD for the longest time. When I told him about the diagnosis, he was very happy because then he knew there were other people just like him. He knew he was different already.

it is a wonderful feeling to know that

there are people who shares our interest

so for me the best time to tell a person about

him having ASD is as early as possible

Tell the kid as soon as you can.

We never hid it, but ds asked me a few mos ago, "Mom, what's Asperger's?" I got to explain it to him and he understood that his brain works differently. Since figuring out that I've also got Asperger's, he seems more at ease, somehow. Like he knows I get him.

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~ Carrie
It's just me and I'll find a way to make it (Blue October/It's Just Me)

I was told when I was ten. It's best to tell the child as soon as they are mature enough to understand.
A six year old wouldn't register the information.

Know the specifics of AS or knowing that there is something a little different, with strengths and weaknesses about myself? I doubt I'd have cared much for something called 'Asperger's' and all that at age 6. But I'd have liked to know myself, have my family tell me so I'd have known they were ok with it that I'm a little different - because I was.

If you son's noticeable different, he might notice soon or has already noticed. Maybe you have already done the following or not, but rather than sitting down and telling him about AS you should acknowledge his difference, show that's you're absolutely okay with weaknesses. If he thinks it's ok and not a big deal for his family, he will, if not already in doubt about himself, adopt that viewpoint.

There are kids with AS that don't really know what their disorder is called (because it's not that easy to remember that term) but say they have cool strengths like good focus, truthfulness or anything they're good at such as arts, science, making other people laugh etc. And that they know they have trouble with things such as social interaction and reading smiles and when to say the right thing and that they work on that (since most have therapy of some sort or their parents work on it with them).

If a young child grows up knowing he's a little different but knows that's just another normality, then I think that's much better than the possibility of letting the topic rest until much later or until something bad happens.

Well, that's what some parents do. Interesting enough, if a child is okay with their 'difference' they usually rarely talk about it, have less questions and all because they know it's nothing to worry about. (That's the job of the parents.)

As for me, my family knew nothing about ASDs or anything. But until my teens I grew up being taken as perfectly normal, just a little different (and even that difference was considered normal and not even noticeable as something special). Kindergarten and schools didn't agree with my family and the many conflicts made it evry obvious that I was as if from Mars while others were from Earth. But I never thought to point the finger at me and think I was unnormal etc., because I was given the gift by my family to be able to consider myself as good.

That helped a lot, I think. I do acknowledge the impairing nature of my ASD, but I'm ok with it. I mean, it's not a big deal, even if it's dead annoying and problematic.

I wish I had known at that age. I only found out last year aged 19! In the many years before hand i developed severe psychiatric problems because i was convinced i was nuts.

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I have HFA, ADHD, OCD & Tourette syndrome. I love animals, especially my bunnies and hamster. I skate in a roller derby team (but I'll try not to bite )