"Why?"

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Every so often, my partner will ask a question. I give him an answer and then ask, "Why?"

It really frustrates him. For example, as we were driving home one evening, he asked if the word "Toyota" was found anywhere in my car. I asked why. He started to sigh and then said that the answer in itself is enough, it was obvious. But the thing is, it wasn't obvious to me why he was asking the question. I wondered why he was asking the question and wanted to know more. Why did he want to know if the word "Toyota" appeared in my car?

Does anyone else have this issue when dealing with NTs?

Not sure how it fits NTs vs ASDs but I think it's very logical to want to know why someone is asking a certain question. So, when I think to ask, I do.

Oh, but I thought about your question a little bit, and maybe he's just probing/testing to see how differently you think from him and the kinds of things you notice versus him. Maybe he just wants to know if you know whether your car says "Toyota" on the interior. You know, how "detail oriented" are you in this particular situation?

Just a theory.

I've never had any problems with this with NTs or Aspies. I think that's just a really jerky reaction for him to have.

that's a very odd question to ask

Last edited by saintetienne on 04 Aug 2008, 12:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Ohhh, all right. I think it's not an NT issue...

I rarely ask why unless I want to antagonise others.

My family on the other hand always asks 'why' after everything I say. Everything. I hate it, I really want to just scream if they respond with 'why'.

If I wanted to answer that questions, I'd have done so unasked. Obviously, I don't want to talk about 'why's especially when I do not want to get questioned mindlessly over such trivial matters as a 'why'. I don't need to tell another everything about me, mind and soul and thoughts, especially if I'm just wondering about something uber trivial that I do not want to have a conversation about.

It's the worst thing ever if people can't just stop asking me 'why'.

Never knew it was frustrating from the other side too; if people don't answer the 'why' question.

But it makes sense that the frustration is on both sides.

That is a pretty random question and I too would have asked "why?" in response.

I usualy try to avoid the situation, either I sneak a question in or I espond no reason or I just wanted to know. I don't think I answer with a why I will usual say something like why fo you ask or try to manipulate it out of people, it is sometimes about timeing and takeing a roundabout route. Though I do agree with the not wanting to pour out the soul thing.

This reminds me of something someone said (via email) to me recently. They had posted something to me on a message board that was too over the top to be literally true, and so I assumed it was sarcasm, meant to convey the opposite of what was said. But, I later decided to email and ask what she meant. And I explained why I was asking, how it came across. And she just said "it is what it is".

Her reaction to my question seems very much like the response to your "why".

In my case, though, I'm not sure if she really didn't understand that it might not be obvious to me what she meant, or if she really was being sarcastic but wouldn't admit it.

Why do you ask?

clue: It is considered rude to ask "why?" when you are asked a SIMPLE question. This goes for all human beings, both AS and NT.

However, if the question is more advanced, asking "why?", may not be so rude, but it is STILL considered somewhat rude.

Nobody likes to be asked "why?". There may be some cases where you would fancy being asked "why?". But as a rule, it is rude.

Instead, say "why do you wanna know?". That is polite, well, more polite.

I ask why all the time. My husband knows I'm not trying to be difficult, I just want to understand.
Other people, not so much, so I try not to do it to them.

Not sure if it's relevant but I have a kind of reflex-routine that whenever I get asked something (anything, really) IRL, I give an answer and the immediately ask "is it a problem?" (note: in my langguage it can be asked in one syllable, so it sound different than that). I don't know wy I do this but I have a feeling that people wouldn't ask stupid questions if the thing the question refers to wouldn't bother them. (Like asking "what are you doing?" where i'm at the computer. Gets on my nerves.. )

I could ask why is it considered rude to even ask why, but I guess that would be rude.

Sorry to be snarky, but I am NOT trying to be rude. When someone asks a question that doesn't seem to make much sense to me, I ask why for more clarification. Going back to my partners question, I was wondering why it was so important to know if the word "Toyota" was in the car. For me, it's a natural reaction. It's difficult for me to NOT ask the question because I it just comes to me.

Frankly, your post came about as a bit condescending.

I'm going to have to second whoever last said that "why?" is a good question in that occasion. Also acceptable would be "wait, what?", staring at them in confusion, and, given the question, "what kind of idiot are you? Get out of the car".
ALSO "why" is short for "why do you want to know" (or equivalent) in this context. Feel free to inflate your syntax as you feel, and it may even soften the blow, but that sort of formality doesn't really fit in this context.

Well, normally that would be the case, yes. But I guess, since this is the Internet, we can make an exception.

I really don´t know the answer. I guess its just one these things that you are supposed to do, or don´t do. Human behavior, you know?






Well, you could have fooled me...But I take your word for it.




sir?