Why do people find different opinions so hostile?

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Everytime I present opinions which differ from my interlocutor or someone on a regular forum, they seem to get angry and take it personally. Is this a very neurotypical thing? I think opinions are just opinions and are not really important unlike facts which are. These people seem to think I am attacking them directly by not agreeing with them. Am I doing something wrong? Is there anything I should do differently? I've tried being amicable, conciliatory, ironic, apologetic, condescending, self-deprecating, sarcastic and humorous and nothing seems to work.

I won't be able to answer here until tomorrow but thanks for any answers.

Well, this is exactly why I try to avoid political forums/threads. In real life, if you express an opinion, people usually are 'polite' and keep their opposing viewpoint either silent or low key and respectful. Online there are no such barriers. People say what they want. A LOT of people these days don't exercise good manners online and there is a growing number of kids who talk in real life lke this, too. They usually stop after someone else pops them one in the jaw, but online that's pretty hard to do. What you're witnessing is a lack of restraint and proper manners because there is no way to hold these people accountable for what they say on the internet. It's even harder if they have a cadre of like-minded friends. Then you're up against a clicque.

Last edited by Rainstorm5 on 22 Jul 2008, 8:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

YEAH! I know what your talking about exactly. Many people get offended by opinions of the most trivial matters...I don't like melted cheese, but if I ever say that out loud people flip out. I mean, people have gotten offended if I say I don't like certain types of food...absolutely offended. Normally its not that I don't like the food, but the texture makes me ill, thats all. But yes, NTs seemed to not like strange opinions, but we can all sympathize I'm sure.

It depends.

Some few people are bothered by others having different opinions. Just think of autism and the many opinions on it. Some few people get really mad about it and I had the non-pleasure to meet them.

But, it could be something else too. I don't discuss things on the Internet, but in everyday life:

Some ways to say things are only used in offensive contexts. If you use such a phrase, people will think you're trying to pick up an argument or impose your opinion on them.

Funny enough, many people, regardless of neurology, use languages that is offensive to explain their opinions.

Those with AS probably fail to recognise emotional and cultural context so they might really be less bothered by hidden offensive statements. But they might also present their opinion in a way that leaves room for lots of emotional interpretation or using a wording that is taken as egocentric and ignorant.

So, for example, if I say 'you should think about...' or 'you are wrong' or 'you don't know that' it's a very offensive sounding thing. Just saying 'I think that you could also take this into consideration...' and 'I do not agree with you' and 'have you thought about this information yet?' makes an immense difference and isn't offensive.

That's all about choosing I-statements above you-statements. And about not saying any generalising and final judgements about the others opinion, but marking both your opinions as equal, even if they do not go well together.

Unless your conversationalist really does take offence by you having a different opinion, that usually works. Then no matter how you present your opinion, they'll get mad.

I can easily talk to non-autistic people about religion and personal beliefs from face to face.

The very nature of a number of these things is that people see them as a part of their identity. If you disagree with an opinion, you end up disagreeing with the person themselves. They cannot accept this rejection easily, so they go on the offensive or defensive to deal with the situation.

We can state our own facts about many things, but not when it's against someone. The reason some of us take it personaly is because we feel our egoes are challenged, or like evidence is being set against us. We do get very annoyed when someone tries to rub our face in their brain's belief system. After the fighting goes on for a while, irrationality sets in to make it more a "point the finger" session instead of a mature argument. I agreed with a fellow Christian one time, till he used the stuck up term "spoon fed". That "spoon fed" thing really gets on my nerve, but he didn't see the harm in it. nope. Saying "Spoon fed" is no different than saying something like "How dumb are you"?

When people disagree with me, especially on matters of policy or faith, I get the cramps or the diarrhea. To end it, I must make them see the light.

Or so that's what NTs tell me happens to them.

When people state their opinion on something and it contradicts my opinion on the same subject/issue, I can't help arguing/debating with them. But not just because I want them to see things from my point of view. I want them to argue back, because I want to understand their point of view. I want to know why they believe what they believe...
Many times I have found that they don't have a reason for their opinion, unless they're lying when they say they don't know...And if they refuse to tell me, I'll assume that they have no reason.
Most people don't think about stuff as much as I do...

Last edited by DJRnold on 22 Jul 2008, 9:50 pm, edited 2 times in total.

People can get VERY easily offended when they express each other's opinions about politics or faith. I've seen some nasty stuff said when comments were posted on political videos on YouTube- people saying sexual things, dropping f-bombs, s-bombs, you name it. It usually depends on what website you are on, but be careful.

corroonb, you are a kindred soul.

I have wondered this soooo many times also. It seems that many people are highly intolerant of well-expressed and opposing ideas. They don't seem to grasp the concept that ideas are not possessions; nor do they confer status or identity. I personally think it is an NT thing.

In my natural state, I spout off all kinds of opinions. I think it is interesting to discuss ideas. I don't mind if others have their own ideas and opinions. This trait is not appreciated in the normal world, so I have learned to highly modulate my expression of ideas and opinions.

I think it extends to simply the way I see knowledge versus the way NTs see knowledge. For example, if I have a question, and I think someone knows the answer, I am very likely to come right out and ask the question. Sometimes, I have very difficult and challenging questions. I simply ask those questions, because I do not intend my questions to offend people. They are simply questions.

Such as- if I go to the doctor, I will ask him why he is giving a particular diagnosis and not another. Why is that offensive? Do I not have a right to know this? And yet, the question gets read as me challenging the doctor's knowledge. Obviously that is absurd, as I have not been to medical school. I have a question. Yet, time and time again I find that my questions are offensive.

No it is not an NT thing. It's a human thing. When you don't agree with someone or your view is different than theirs, they feel attacked so they think they have to defend themselves. That behavior also happens on here too and the word "troll" gets thrown around. There is also trollish behavior meaning someone uses abusive language because people aren't agreeing with them.

It is their problem though they feel that way but they are being dicks when they act mean towards you. It's more common in religion and politics though because those two are strong topics. Other topics can be strong too to other people because they have a strong opinion about something.

I find it so difficult to understand this.

In person, I generally don't discuss controversial issues. I think politics and religion are both uninteresting subjects as they have no importance to me and I believe they are trivial issues. Discussing them serves no purpose as I believe they are both power systems interested only in controlling what other people do and think. I have absolutely no interest in arguing about this.

I received a lot of negative responses when I questioned someone's views about a games console. I said I didn't think that the console in question was worth buying in my opinion. A few other people got upset that I expressed this opinion and attacked me verbally. I defended myself by mocking their arguments and assumptions about the value of opinions. I use a lot of satire and irony while doing this and I tend to form complex sentences which some people don't like.

I believe that opinions have no value at all even my own as they can't be verified scientifically and debating about them is a futile action. I try to express my opinions clearly and also explain the reasoning behind such opinions so that others can learn a little about those opinions. I mocked the insistence of these people that they were right and I was wrong by pointing out the relativity of opinions. They then complained that I was writing too much and that my opinions weren't as valid as theirs because I lacked their knowledge. Why are people so attached to inanimate objects? I like my games console but this doesn't me I don't like yours too.

Do people always try to find things to fight about even pointless things like politics, the value of football players or games consoles?

I know some people think politics are important because it makes them feel good about having power but in reality I think small groups of people exercise power over large groups of people everywhere and I think this is wrong. I think democracy is a delusion that is useful to those who want to exercise power over people who think they are free. People should be free to make up their own minds and not be subjected to the whims of any one person or groups of people. I realize these are controversial statements and people will disagree with what I have to say. I have no intention to damaging anyone's self-worth or feelings.

Thanks to everyone who posted. I appreciate having the opportunity to read different ideas and opinions.

mmm, interesting points


usually when i voice an opinion peoples would say i agree or "you're wrong because....."

and there are others that view a person disagreeing with them as a person attacking them.

NT's are big on <i>identity</i>. They identify with their opinions, beliefs, likes & dislikes, country, state, region, town, neighborhood, sports clubs, stores, brands and scores of other things that we might find to be of limited relevance. Exercising any sort of criticism on any of these things makes them feel unsafe and insecure.
They can't identify with facts, because facts are impersonal, and so they tend to get annoyed when facts are mentioned.

People tend to respond in a binary way because most people are not intelligent and don't think about anything except emotional ideas like being right or wrong. This comes from an excess of ego and bad manners. Answering either I agree or disagree immediately shows a lack of thought. People should think before forming an opinion and making a judgment.

People don't want to be proven wrong, if they are to accept that someone elses view is valid then that is like accepting that they were wrong. I have found that the best thing to do when pointing out your view is to at first say that there view is very good, point out the good things and then say that is just what you think. At other times it is best not to voice your opinions such as religion to church goers as they can be very defensive about it. this happens a bit as my mums family are very into going to church and there are some of them that we tend to just stay out of the subject about as we do not go to church.