distant next door neighbors

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What do members find the most embarrassing and annoying thing about having A.S.?
To me it is living in a community for nearly fifteen years and STILL being a total stranger to neighbors. I live alone in a largish detached house and am on “nodding” terms only with the nice couples living either side of me. It annoys me intensely that I can’t develop the relationship.

exactly the same. but the people don't approach me either. so how do they develop the relationships when no one is approaching anyone?

I don't see that as a problem. I've lived in lots of different neighborhoods and rarely knew any of my neighbors except to wave to or say Hi. The chances are that you won't have anything in common with most of them, so why try to have a relationship?

When I moved into my house, I made an effort to connect to my neighbors. I had this idea in my head that now I was part of a neighborhood as an official homeowner, and I was supposed to be friendly with my neighbors. So I approached them and started talking. It all went downhill from there. Despite their finding me strange, I found myself invited over to one neighbor's house and once there found that a 45 min-1 hr visit was far more treacherous than scraping up a few minutes on conversation on the sidewalk. My friendly gestures towards another neighbor sparked years of him harassing me to the point that I felt locked in my house and was afraid to even go out and get in my car if he was sitting on his front porch (which he usually was).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that a situation that should have been easy to negotiate and manage blew up in my face and I now wish I had just kept to myself! It's not so easy as just making the initial "hello," you have to have the ability to sustain and navigate the ensuing relationships and interactions, which I'm just not equipped for.

Lack of familiarity with neighbors seems like the norm these days.

A lot of people really just don't want to interact with their neighbors. You might have ended up living around a bunch of people like that.

If you really want to get to know your neighbors a little, the next time you see them, you could introduce yourself. If you see one of them carrying something heavy, you could offer to help. Around Christmas time, you could bring them all cookies (be sure to include everyone who lives within a certain distance of you so no one feels left out). You could comment on what it's like to live in the neighborhood ("Don't you love living in such a safe, clean neighborhood? I know I do - we're lucky!" or "Did you hear about the recent break-ins? I'm not bothered by all the trash in the street, but that kind of stuff scares me." depending on what kind of neighborhood you live in).

I think most people appreciate neighbors' efforts to be friendly, even if they don't reciprocate.

In any case, I wouldn't take it personally, and it sounds unlikely to have to do with AS, unless the neighbors are very social with each other but not you.

Perhaps I'm biased due to living in earthquake and brushfire country, but while my neighbors are not my best friends by any means, I think it is a good idea to at least know your resources (people and things) in your immediate vicinity, for safety's sake. I like to know who's usually home at various times of the day. One of my most trusted neighbors has a key to our house. It has saved me once when I was locked out and if I wasn't home during an earthquake or fire, they could get our cats out. My husband is more the friendly type and lends out his tools. I keep a lower profile, but I am a believer in enlightened self-interest and this means being in touch with my surroundings to a certain degree. Neighbors are part of the big picture.

This kind of situation gets to me, too. We've only lived in our current neighborhood for about a year now, and I do chat with one of my neighbors sometimes. However, I swear, my husband just has to go out in the front yard, and there's at least one person every time who runs up to talk to him. I'm outside all the time with my kids, and almost no one comes to chat with me. It really frustrating. How is it that he's like a social magnet without doing anything, except some yard work, and whatnot, and I seem to repel people without even so much as saying anything?

oh, thats an AS thing? o_o; i thought it was cause ive never lived in any one house for more than 3 years at a time. either that or cause i just dont get out of te house much. my upstairs neighbors are nice though, we have small conversations whenever one of them ends up leaving their house while im taking my dog out for a walk. they like the doggie Tora (the dog* likes the extra attention. but i dont know much about them really... they know i play bass though, on weekends around noon (when people should be out and about) i crank my amp up a bit (cause there shouldnt be anyone nearby to care cause they should get an effin life and go somewhere o_O rather than caring about my music volume) but the upstairs neighbors dont mind - they told me i play bass well and they enjoy it, made me lol. but yeah, i wish i could know more about my neighbors and actually be invited to those garden parties and stuff:/