Would you date or befriend Aspie's if you were born NT?

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ProtossX
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25 Aug 2008, 3:25 pm

If you were born as some random normal NT what do you think you would do around aspie's?

Would you just be a regular NT?

Would you date an aspie/autie as an NT?

What do you think your NT self would say to how you live are now as an aspie?

Would they be ok with that?



Phagocyte
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25 Aug 2008, 3:32 pm

If it helps answer your question, I am an NT and the best friend I ever had has Aspergers.


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anbuend
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25 Aug 2008, 3:33 pm

Since autism has been a huge factor in my development, I can't fully comment on this, obviously. I don't know which things about my personality are influenced by experiences as an autistic person, and how much would be the same either way.

But I think that social forces might push me away from autistic people. We're defined by people outside of us as something very different than we are, but people who are not us, don't have to contrast the false image of autistic people against who we actually are, so many don't ever learn that they're wrong about us. Same with the way most people view disability. They've done studies for instance where doctors and disabled people each rate the disabled person's quality of life, the doctor always rates it much lower, because as a non-disabled person they have been taught like everyone else that quality of life depends on certain abilities. So it is very likely if I were NT and non-disabled in other ways then I would not notice how false those ideas were because I would not have to notice.


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Brandon_M
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25 Aug 2008, 3:36 pm

It's hard to answer such questions. If you were NT, you'd certainly be much different than you are as an aspie. Judging by the rest of my family line, i'd probably be a very outgoing, the warm little center that everyone crowds around. I know this because most of my family is this way. Not only would I have the intelligence I have now, but I would have the resources to use it more effectively.

Anyways, onto the question. Would I date an aspie if I were an NT? Knowing what I know now, I probably wouldn't think twice. If I were NT though would I even know what asperger's was? Up until a few years ago I didn't even know what it really was. I was diagnosed for years and just recently in my adult life did I take a minute to find out. Would I date an aspie if I never knew about the condition? I might if I thought we were compatible, but it might be broken due to misunderstanding.



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25 Aug 2008, 3:38 pm

I don't think NTs in gerla know what aspies are and so wouldn't have clue if they were dating one, and if it is on dating autists as what they know autists are and look like they'd definetley would say no


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25 Aug 2008, 3:40 pm

I'm not even sure if I'm NT or Aspie, but I don't take such things into account when I meet people, so yeah, of course I would be friends with and date Aspies/Auties.


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aspiartist
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25 Aug 2008, 3:43 pm

I have a major imagination deficit on this one.



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25 Aug 2008, 3:49 pm

If you took the neurological differences away, I'd still be pretty damn weird between my medical history and all. I'd like to think that I'd still have some sympathies for the underdogs and the outsiders rather than just striving to be as "normal" as possible despite what I was born as, and that I would still be willing to associate with other people who don't fit in. On the one hand, being excluded based on other differences might still make me immune to peer pressure and social forces that would tell me to avoid, mistreat or otherwise ostracize someone who acted strangely, the way I am now. On the other hand, it might simply be an issue of personality and neurology, that my reaction to how others view or treat a person in relation to how I'm supposed to is "so what?," and taking that away would make me strive to be more like the norm and avoid anything that was outside of it rather than be comfortable being outside of it and making friends with others who are. I wish I could definitively say one or the other, and I would hope for the first, but I really don't know at this point what parts of my life have had the most crucial impact on my development.



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25 Aug 2008, 5:35 pm

I don't think I would, no.

Not if it was majorly noticeable, I was always bad with disabled people before I got diagnosed with a disability myself.

If it was somebody as disabled as I was - i.e. not seeming like a 'spaz' or anything, but just fairly isolated - then I'd try to befriend them if I could, but I was never good at reaching out to the disabled.



ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
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25 Aug 2008, 5:47 pm

I have never known anyone with AS in person, besides myself. I have had plenty of NT friends but they were all on the NT fringe and very eccentric. I had one NT friend (next door neighbor I grew up with) and her and her family had a history of mental illness and were the meanest, most paranoid, most difficult people to get along with I have ever encountered in my life. If you have a mental illness, I apologize. These people had histories of schizophrenia and manic depression, and were just impossible to get along with. They also got other people to do their evil bidding for them. So, you could say the worst experiences I had were with NTs with mental illnesses such as schizophrenia.

So, if I were an NT I would be one of the weird, eccentric type of NTs and would befriend fellow weirdos. :-)



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25 Aug 2008, 6:19 pm

I am NT but sure why not, wouldn't worry me. Might be a bit of challenge at times tho.



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25 Aug 2008, 6:35 pm

Your effectively asking "Would I have done the things I did if I wasn't who I am?"
Which of course is a question without a viable answer. We'd like to think so, but for the same reason the vast majority of white people would say they'd have been an abolitionist if they lived in the south while the slavery still existed. We like to think we'd be the same person even if we lived radically different lives.


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ValMikeSmith
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25 Aug 2008, 7:05 pm

I never learned how to date.

But any kinds people who like each other can have a special relationship. It's true.

What is scarey though is I know someone who wants to date but he always makes
mistakes (because dating is a game with rules that only NTs can understand) and
gets into all kinds of trouble, like sometimes he had to go to jail for sexual harassment
just for asking for a date at the wrong place and the wrong time.



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25 Aug 2008, 7:29 pm

Depends on the individual.


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25 Aug 2008, 7:56 pm

I just started to date a very nice young woman who already had learned about my AS before we went out. She finds my straightforwardness and lack of games to be one of my best qualities.

A couple weeks ago, I'd have told you it wouldn't happen, but I've just been proved wrong. As far as I can tell, she's NT, but still not as T as most.

Let that give you hope!



IpsoRandomo
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25 Aug 2008, 8:09 pm

That question doesn't even make sense. It would all depend on what kind of NT you are. Plus there are degrees of 'NTness' and 'aspyness,' and there isn't always a clear dividing line between aspy and nt.