etiquette at the table

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Yes, I have learned the etiquette of how to behave in restaurants, but I can't helpt the thought or feeling to sometimes say f**k to it all and use my hands. That's why I like India and Arab countries where you can use your hands.

Is that an Aspie feeling too?

Yep. i get it all the time.

I love eating with my hands at home when no one else is around.

I love eating with my hands, but I also understand etiquette at the table. I don't like to see the food inside a person's mouth, their messy fingers, or to hear them burp, etc.

As if I had to go to their countries to meet them.

As many things as we Aspies have in common, we're still very much individuals. Because of my sensory issues, I've never felt comfortable eating with my hands. Chicken- fork and knife, definitely. I may have been the only kindergartner who declared herself a conscientious objector to finger painting.
I don't have much patience for table setting rules such as which side of the plate stuff goes on- I don't see the point, besides, you have to be able to tell right from left to remember all that stuff. But basic table manners are necessary to keep people from grossing each other out while eating.

You're not alone, Selkie - I quit nursery school partly because they had us spread glue with our fingers.

On the main topic, I'm not a big fan of finger food. I sometimes eat french fries with a fork.

Well, I tend to have BETTER manners than most. At one party once, some *******MORONS******** seemed to try to "help" me by using THEIR fingers to separate pizza "for me". So why did I act as I did, and get angry, etc...? Because I don't want others touching my food, and I don't touch theirs. I did things as I did to not touch others food. Did they REALLY think I couldn't do what any CHIMP could? Their "attempt to help" is just an insult, and denying me food.

Outside of putting my elbows on the table, I would put my manners up against anyone else.

I'm not trying to offend here, but when others eat like slobs I want to hurl bricks. Just how I feel about that. Open mouths, burping, smacking of lips, grunting, and "mmmm"-ing, slurping, and loud gulping, and various other noises...

I am somewhere middle of the road. I forget not to talk with food in my mouth sometimes, I guess. I don't like my hands messy, though, so I wash my hands right after I eat anything with them.

I guess if you are prone to eating in "impolite" ways, it is best to reserve this style for when you are alone; other people can lose their appetites.

There's the issue of being dyspraxic and consequently a messy eater... that, you can't help... I suppose if you eat with particularly finicky friends, you might pick foods that don't tend to get spread around (stay away from the spaghetti in public, I guess) but realistically, most people don't mind. My group of friends at one college I went to included a girl with CP who could only use one hand and consequently wasn't very good at neatness; but we just got used to it and nobody really minded. So I guess if you can't help it, most people wouldn't mind, especially if they are the school weirdos, as my group was.

I, too tend to ignore manners and eat as my heart desires. The other night I actually defecated at the dinner table.

I have always been aware of table manners, but I think it is just as rude to point out someone's lack of manners as it is for them to have them. The only exception to this is my own children. They used to be bothered by my constant chirping about smacking and elbows and things of that sort. Now that they have it drilled into their head, they admit it bothers them to see people eating without regard.

As for proper table settings...there is nothing I love more than preparing a formal table for a family holiday gathering. I get to pull out the good serviceware and align everything perfectly in a proper formal table setting. Throw in nice cloth napkins and place cards, and the food taste all that much better.

Normally I have fairly decent table manners, but occasionally I forget them at home. Just last night is a good example- We went out to a restaurant and I ordered a steak, well they gave me a crappy knife and before long I said screw it and started pulling it apart with my fingers and teeth. (Luckily we were in a corner booth, so not many people could see me). To be honest, I really don't see why that has come to be "unacceptable", if I want to use my fingers I don't see why others should look as I am a bad person, but oh well, that's the way society works I guess....

I don't think it's primarily an Aspie thing. I think that, if it happens to be your thing,
being an Aspie makes you want to go for it. Does that make sense?