Do you ever cry because you made a huge faux pas

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XSara
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19 Mar 2021, 3:01 pm

that offended somebody?
I do. In fact it happened to me today. I made some friends angry at me. And at some point i started to cry in front of them, because i was so sad. We made amends and i'm not sad anymore. but I keep making these social faux pas and I don't want them to believe i'm stupid or arrogant or whatever, because i know i'm not. I give a false impression of me all the time, people misunderstand my words all the time, and I don't know how to fix this.



Fnord
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19 Mar 2021, 3:04 pm

Not right away, and not in front of them.  Doing so only invites their ridicule and causes me no end of discomfort.  For me, it is better to simply admit my guilt, apologize, and depart their company.


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funeralxempire
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19 Mar 2021, 3:04 pm

No, I'm a man. Crying over one faux pas would just be committing a second one. :|



Fnord
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19 Mar 2021, 3:06 pm

I save my tears for the rain.


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XSara
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19 Mar 2021, 3:37 pm

I guess for men is different, you are taught not to show your feelings. society encourages a narrower range of emotions in boys than girls. but i think that experiencing the full range of emotions may not only benefit men's psychological health but have far-reaching benefits for society at large. society needs to change. our faux pas happen because society doesn't comprehend us and we don't comprehend them



Edna3362
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19 Mar 2021, 4:09 pm

Only once.

Only and only towards my great grandmother, during an event, with a questionable question I asked her.
She misheard it and she started yelling because of it and I got utterly confused and shocked enough to cry.

And it happened in front of everyone. No one else was truly mad nor anyone told me off about it.

This was over 4-5 years ago.



Normally, if someone did the same to me, I'd just be annoyed and at worst enough angry enough to talk back.
Yeah, I'm quite prideful -- I'm quite open admitting arrogance and be done with it without apology.

But never cried.
It takes uncontrolled sense of helplessness (unable to retort, unable to control, unable to compose at all) and attachment towards a person (a person I at least cared enough not to be offended and hurt) for me to happen.
Only a few people ever could.


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funeralxempire
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19 Mar 2021, 4:11 pm

XSara wrote:
I guess for men is different, you are taught not to show your feelings. society encourages a narrower range of emotions in boys than girls. but i think that experiencing the full range of emotions may not only benefit men's psychological health but have far-reaching benefits for society at large. society needs to change. our faux pas happen because society doesn't comprehend us and we don't comprehend them


I completely agree.



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20 Mar 2021, 12:41 am

I don't cry in front of people.


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Joe90
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20 Mar 2021, 2:43 am

I remember when I was first dating my boyfriend I sent him a sweet text but he sent me a rather strange text that I wasn't expecting. He said that I talked about this woman too much, this woman we both knew who I had a conflict with. Then he added that I needed to grow up. I started uncontrollably sobbing because I thought I had failed in the first couple of weeks of dating him, and I impulsively phoned him up, choking on my tears. But it turns out he was a bit drunk when he wrote the text which is why it was a bit irrational and harsh. But I tried not to talk about the woman any more.

I don't take criticism about social faux pas very well. I start to beat myself up whenever someone points it out. I think it's because I'm insecure about having an ASD.


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OkaySometimes
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20 Mar 2021, 6:53 am

It has happened, but not often. My usual reaction is anger, almost always self-directed. Normally a self-hate snowball rolling down a mountain, which can take me to a very sad place sometimes, but I don't usually cry. I don't usually cry at all, for anything. I wish I could feel that it was actually okay to express emotion. I have supportive people, but it's an internal thing. If I do cry, about anything, it will likely add itself to the snowball for the next time.



quite an extreme
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23 Mar 2021, 5:27 pm

What does that help? I didn't cry ever since I was a very little child. I can't even remember the last time I did.


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HeroOfHyrule
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23 Mar 2021, 5:49 pm

I can't really cry easily (the last couple of times I have cried in the past few years were when my dog died and when I lost my friend a few months ago), so I haven't cried over making a mistake like that, but I ruminate on mistakes I make a lot.

Every time I upset someone or do something stupid, online or offline, I get super embarrassed and think about it all the time.



kraftiekortie
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23 Mar 2021, 5:50 pm

If I cried after every huge faux pas I made, I wouldn't have any tears left......



IsabellaLinton
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23 Mar 2021, 6:01 pm

I mostly cry from anger, rather than sadness. When I'm sad I tend to shut down and I can't process or express my feelings, even with tears.

My faux pas are usually caused by feelings of shame rather than sadness or anger - so I don't cry but I'll definitely ruminate, sometimes for years.


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