NTs correcting you?

Post Reply New Topic

I've recently had a few guys here, who tend to correct me a lot. On things, like "not to stare" or other things, and I do consider this guy my friend, but it gets old to be corrected, although I guess he's trying to help me? It just feels embarrassing and that I should already KNOW these things. Anyone else have this?

Personnaly i asked my husband to tell me when i do "unacceptable" things (even though i find it annoying to be told off. And i do stare a lot aswell). He helps me getting organised by writing on a whiteboard what i have to do.

It depends what you told this guy. If you dont want him to help you, tell him so!

Its ok coming from a friend, I think your friend is just looking out for you. If its bothering you, ask your friend to not correct you if front of people, by giving you a cue of some type.

only my closest friend was doing that. it was actually worse because at the time i didnt know that there is a name for the irregularities in my behaviour, so i used to feel like a ret*d. now we live in different countries. when i told him about AS he read about it and then told me that it explains a lot.

Yes, there are opportunists' out there who like to stimulate their ego by making others feel small, insignificant and/or inadaquate. We are prone to this in general. You might consider whether this is really someone who is your friend. They're very manipuative and the long-term damage by associatiion can be significant. Be very selective and careful about who you pick or associate with as friends.

It depends of the context, where you are, the people around you...

If you're at home and only with that little circle of folks, who cares?

But in a social setting, I'd welcome it.

My wife does it everytime we're out, I don't really mind because it is her but I sure wouldn't take it from anyone else.

Believe it or not, AS doesn't make you infallible. No one can be always right about everything, their neurobiology aside.

When someone gives me unsolicited correction for one of my many faults, I usually just say thank you and then go back to my fault. But if I seek correction from a friend, and that friend gives me that correction continually, then I figure that I pretty much got what I asked for.

Remember one thing, its not about anything that you are doing... its all about them and their insecurities And sadly this is how they make themselves feel "superior". When I was in 6th grade, I clearly remember some girl in my class who mocked me (who didn't back then?) gave me an article from some teen magazine to read up on something to do with socialization LOL. There is a reason that kids at that age are worse than even younger kids or adults (well for the most part anyway).. they are insecure about their bodies changing, their minds changing, hormones and.. well they need to find something to pick on right?

My friend does that and sometimes it's okay and to help, but sometimes also she's angry about something or someone else and picks on something small (or not even wrong!) that I've done and corrects in a very patronizing way.

If you think it's helpful then don't say anything, or ask him to say it in private as people before me said. But if he's going over the top and embarrassing you it might be he's just picking on you out of proportion because of anger he can't release against the person who caused it, not really a big problem you have.

My mom used to constantly tell me that I was "embarrasing her" and "acting embarrassingly" for things that didn't seem wrong or even noticeable (most of them still wouldn't, as far as I'm concerned!), to the point that I thought embarrassment was something inexplicable and without any rhyme or reason that only other people felt for several years. After a while, I learned that I DID feel embarrassed about some things - they just weren't things so inconsequential that you'd only notice if you were looking for things to be ashamed of, but rather when I actually DID cause a problem or make a mistake.

Because of my continuing social awkwardness and the fact that criticism shoves me back into my shell further rather than helping me, I really only hang out with other oddballs - not necessarily people who aren't NT, but rather people who show, or at least have a high level of tolerance for, eccentricity. As far as I'm concerned, unless my friend is doing something harmful to someone, it's being unsupportive and nitpicky to correct them, and I let them be themselves. I just expect the same consideration.

He doesn't do it in public, usually just when it's me and him or with our other friend, so it's not like he's trying to humilate me.

I usually find myself correcting my friends on messenger alot mainly because one of them is still learning English. She types too fast, and another I just treat it like a joke when she makes an obvious mistake "I didn't think there was a 'Akype' ? "

It is very "upsetting" for an NT to be stared at, even if you are just staring in their direction, rather than staring at them.

NT's correcting you? It's called life. Get over it.

It sounds like he is trying to help. If it makes you uncomfortable, tell him so, and he will try to keep it in check.

Personally, I think it is useful to understand how things I do are perceived by the majority of people. I don't want to be perceived as thinking something I am not thinking, or doing something I am not doing. NT's assume everyone thinks like this, that you would want to know.

As for the posts that assume correction is mocking or controlling, I really don't think that is fair. YES, correction can be used in both mocking and controlling ways, but it is NOT always done for that purpose. Tone and body language will tell the difference, although I realize that is going to be difficult for some AS to pick up on. I think the best approach to take in that case is similar to what you do on the internet: respond nuetrally, something that works in either situation, and let their next response clarify the underlying intent.