Diagnosis confirmed today

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Today, my psychiatrist confirmed what had previously been my self-diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome. I am not surprised. She did try to put a positive spin on things, emphasizing my abilities and strengths, so that was encouraging. Noting that the big question is, "OK, so now what?", she said she thought I might benefit from a support group. I'll continue to participate at Wrong Planet and the few Facebook groups I signed up for. We also talked about GRASP. They have a local group that meets in Evanston, Illinois (just north of Chicago). Since I'll be living a lot closer to there soon, I may check them out. In-person groups are pretty draining, though, so I don't know. I might just participate online more.

FYI, here's the GRASP site.

http://www.grasp.org

Do any of you know much about them? Right now, I have mixed feelings about my own situation, so jumping into a support group doesn't seem very comfortable. Plus, I want to participate here at WP more.

If you have any thoughts for me, I would appreciate your sharing them here. Thanks.

A support group would be really scary for me. Glad you got your diagnosis though, I got mine officially just two days ago, and am pleased with the knowledge.

Congratulations! you're an Aspie!

I have just recently been DXed with Asperger's Syndrome as well. I read the symptoms two years ago and just knew that AS was the answer to the question I had heard all my life "what's YOUR problem?"

I wandered the threads of WP learning and venting and letting people get to know me, and what do you know. . .it healed me in a lot of ways. I think taking it at your own time and let's face it. On WP it doesn't matter if you are groomed or what color either of your socks are, you can participate when you want to, and if you don't you can turn to other things, immediately and no one gets an attitude!

it's like you are home.

Merle

it sounds like she wasn't an Aspie before.

'

it is what Tony Attwood says when he DXes an Aspie. I thought it was what you were supposed to say. Sorry, didn't mean to dissapoint you.

Merle

Thanks. My doctor said she thought I was on the "high end" of having an interest in social contact (whatever that means). I think most people, Autistics included, want social contact. That includes me. The problem is how to obtain it and keep it going.

I have a lot of trouble reading nonverbal communication and body language. Also, too much contact and too much talking exhaust me.

I have been in support groups for other issues, including bipolar disorder. While they are helpful, they can be very tiring. Also, getting "up" to attend the meetings can be difficult for me. That is why I am thinking I will stay with the online support for the time being. Given that I am moving my home later this month, I want to keep things as stable as possible now.

I am glad you are pleased with your knowledge, too.

no, i didnt know that it was a Tony Attwood thing and i was just joking as the smiling face might suggest. sorry, for not knowing where it comes from.

Thanks. I feel really at home here.

I sometimes worry that I am being a total geek boy by focusing on the online support. At the same time, I have to do what works. Taking it at my own time makes the most sense.

There is a place for in-person groups. However, I know they can take a lot out of me sometimes, so I need to be careful. Thanks.

Steve, some thoughts....

Quite a mixed feelings-feeling (eh?) to get a diagnosis after surving such a long time. At least, that is how I felt when I got my dx at age 38. At that moment, for me, it was both grief (I am different) and relief (I am different) at the same time.

Your psychiatrist advices you a support group, well, that can include any online one as well, I would say.
At first, (before and) after my dx, I was online any single minute I could. Just needed it, plenty and more. (Nowadays, it is muich less, and off and on.)

For fun and friendship, I did attend a few (once-a-year) gatherings of an online group, just to get together, to check how we really looked like and how ‘obvious’ autistic anyone was. It was exhausting but so much fun. Everyone could just be themselves… rocking in their chair, ranting about their passions/obsessions, just quietly sitting in a corner, anything was just okay.

And, I did try a sort of autism organization kind of support group, but, like you said, those are so draining. Sitting in a circle in a pin-dropping silence, and the leader trying to activate some discussions…. The things I wanted to ask or discuss never did seem to be the topic.

Therefore, online groups are great. You jump into discussions or start a question when you feel like it, are ready for it…. not the once in 2 weeks gatherings when, at that very night, you could just not feel like it (at all).

I don’t know GRASP personally – the website looks promising though…

In your situation, I probably would do the same and skip the ‘real-life’ support group, at least for now. With a move coming up, just stick with the online groups you’re already participating.

But Steve, you know yourself best – what you can handle and how you can/will handle it.

I hope your move goes smoother than you expect!

Hi Raaf,

Thanks. Yes, I have mixed feelings about this. I am 44 years young now. My doctor suggested that I might have been lucky and have been able to develop a lot of coping mechanisms to get by, even though there are a lot of difficulties to face.


I agree. I sometimes think I could be here at WP 24x7, reading and answering the various threads. Of course, that doesn't generate income and would probably be overdoing it. Nevertheless, I think online is the way for me to go now. I already attend a twice-a-month in-person group for bipolar disorder and depression, so I don't want to risk rocking my world with too much "live" contact.


That does sound pretty cool. My best friend--well, one of my best friends, since I am blessed with a few of them--is also an Aspie. He and I frequently talk about Asperger's issues. It's a relief to have a close friend in my area who really "gets" this stuff, without my having to offer him a 5,000-word explanation.


Right. I don't mean to put down in-person groups. They can be really good. I'm just being cautious now, with everything else going on in my life (my parents just happen to be moving to a new condo around the same time as I am moving, my mom was hospitalized for 5 days last month--she's better now, thankfully--and work has been insanely busy lately).


I really know how that goes. With the depression and bipolar group, it's a great group of really nice people. But sometimes, I just can't bring myself to deal with the social contact on those evenings.
I don’t know GRASP personally – the website looks promising though…


Thanks! I am going to stick with online groups for now. I will tell my doctor that. I'm sure she'll be fine with it. I think she would become concerned if I was totally isolating myself from everyone (I do need to watch out for that), but that's not happening; I'm just doing what I can now.

Thanks for the friendly reply!

I didn't 'recongnize' the smilie, sorry, since they have been graphic I lose the 'message' behind them. now. . if you had done : ) I would have known!

Merle

Because of my speech history I do not have AS, just PDD-NOS but really... it shouldn't matter at a certain point. Anyway, I know you feel really weird after being told you are plain under the spectrum as that is how I felt after being told but I pretty much knew anyway. It's weird but you get a sense of relief, I know I did anyway. But in time you become more comfortable with it and as far as support groups go... if you are not comfortable with it, then don't join anyway, in time you may change your mind.. but if you would rather post here and on facebook rather than going to a support group, then do you what you are most comfortable with!

Hello lionesss,

Thanks. It is a relief. It's helpful to have a doctor who takes the condition seriously and to be affirmed that I am not "crazy."

For now, I will stick with the online groups. I might change that in the future, but I like WP, so I need to explore things more here before I go elsewhere. Thanks again.

Hi Steve,

Sure! A diagnosis won’t change our challenges.
Yet my diagnosis did change me a lot…

Before my dx, I was in a constant mode of wondering and stressing…
How could other people last a school day, a day at work? How could they enjoy markets and malls, parties and amusement parks? How could they have so much fun chitchatting about ‘nothings’ and how did they sustain friendships? What was the code of communicating so easily (including tone of voice, facial expressions, and the rest of the body language)? When and why did people sometimes smile while they were angry? Etcetera, etcetera...

It felt like other folks had found, learned, or simply knew the secret key to ‘living life as all others do’ and I was too stupid to see that ‘key’.

My ‘whole life’ (don’t mean to sound so dramatic here but lack other words at the moment) I had been pushing myself, teaching myself to act and be ‘normal’, to do the things (the same way) others do.

When I was/acted ‘myself’, like I wanted (and needed to), I was called weird, stupid, rude, crazy, lazy...
So I kept searching for that ‘secret key’ everywhere: in jobs, relationships, hobbies, etiquettes, attitudes, lifestyles, copying others…
If only I would have this…. If only I could do that….
But I never met ‘the standard’.

It almost pushed me over the edge.
I lived a fairly ‘normal’ life (or at least could pretend I had one – and always a sort of ‘on guard’… that someone would find out that I really was crazy). In my teens and twens, I contemplated suicide. In my thirties, I ended up completely burned out.
Therefore, the diagnosis gave me grief. Sadly enough, I had lived 38 years pursuing to be someone I could never be.

Yet, the dx was a relief as well.
I started to ‘understand’ myself better, accepting my differences and challenges (which is a much more relaxed life to begin with!). I stopped pretending to be 'normal' and dared to allow myself to do things in a different way, even (if possible) avoiding things and activities others seems to enjoy so much and/or are ‘normal’ to do.
Phew! What difference that made!

Finally, I felt that I belonged.
Always the out(aut)sider in school, jobs, societies, even in my family, but now, I had found my peers. I was an ‘official’ member of the World Wide Aspie Tribe .
I learned to cope better in life; learned a lot from other Aspies and even from my autistic son.

Steve,
you certainly did manage to live a 44 years without an AS-dx (and, on top of that, living with depressions and bi-polar), you sure must have taught yourself a lot of coping mechanisms!

Maybe you too have struggled to be 'normal' but you survived all those years and now, having a dx, I think you will understand yourself better and accept yourself (more).

Oh yes, there still will be difficulties and challenges...
But maybe now you can allow yourself to (if possible) adjust your life, surroundings, socializing and such so life will be less stressful. At least, that is what the diagnosis did for me and I heartily hope for you too.

The voluminous contents of forums can overwhelm me... (~ hey, even my own lengthy posts overwhelm me! )... So many threads, so much to read, so much I could answer to, so much interesting stuff.
I have the tendency to ‘need’ to read all, respond to it all. So I have to be strict to myself and cut to a few number of posts or a specific amount of time. There is so much ‘life’ and things to do besides forums. Still, forums certainly meet part of my needs!



That is so great, Steve! Such a friend functions as a ‘support group’ as well; probably even better!



Steve, thank you for mentioning it like this. I am sorry. My words about support groups sounded like I was stating a fact, but, in fact, it was merely my experience (and I really don’t like it when people state things like it is a fact while it is just their opinion or their idea… and now I did it myself!).

It was that particular support group and it was not working for me.
Note: I am talking about one of the first autism society Aspie gatherings. It was back in the days (well… only 8 years ago) when autism magazines (or, at least the magazines I read) only talked about autistic kids.
All of a sudden, this autism society seemed to realize that autism doesn’t stop with age 18. So they decided to start up some ‘self-help’ groups (under their guidance, of course ). The organizers were very sweet and just trying to help us. But it was those NT’s who decided what the topics should be and how the group should interact. Again, I am sure those folks only had our best in mind. Only, what they thought was best for us, wasn’t particularly the case.



You have got a lot on your plate right now. How do you cope with an insanely busy workload? How do you cope at work at all? I guess I mean, coping with co-workers, clients, people…



Your doctor is a good one if she understands that you can cope very well and that you can make your own decisions according to your needs and what you can handle.
If I were you, I would mention to her the support of your real-life Aspie-friend (besides the forums).

When you have a good friend, especially an Aspie, like you said, you are very blessed!

You are definitely not crazy and you may change your mind down the road but for now only stick with what you are most comfortable with.