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anna-banana
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07 Sep 2008, 10:40 am

I was at my friends wedding last weekend and spoke to a mate whom I haven't seen in a while. I asked him if he was coming to the garden afterparty the next day. he said he couldn't leave his baby daughter alone at home and wasn't sure if he wanted to bring her over to which I said- hey I have the same problem, I don't wanna leave my dog at home so I might have to take him with me.

his response- are you comparing my daughter to a DOG?

at that point I just laughed. how the heck did he get that from what I'd said? he got obviously offended so we didn't talk much after that. such misunderstandings used to bother me a lot, now I just find them extermely funny.

another one from a few days ago:

talking to my female friend. she says she needs to cut down on drinking cause she heard that women shouldn't drink more than 14 units of alcohol per week and she definately was drinking more than that. to which I say that actually, I heard it also depends on your weight. friend: "are you calling me fat?!"

wtf?! !

do you guys get that too? I bet you do. come on, I want to hear some stories! :D



JohnHopkins
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07 Sep 2008, 10:44 am

That thing about the guy's daughter is amusing, but, while it is funny, finding it funny when you offend someone isn't a great attitude to have. ESPECIALLY when it comes to women thinking you're calling them fat.



anna-banana
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07 Sep 2008, 10:52 am

yeah I know what you mean, but I hope that they see that I only laugh because the overinterpretation just seems so far-fetched to me and that I don't do it in a mean way ;p

I often find laughing a good way to get out of this. not everybody has a sense of humour about themselves tho...



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07 Sep 2008, 10:55 am

Sounds like the kind of comments I make that get me in trouble with people. I'll say something perfectly logical that fits the conversation, but I never have that intuition that tells you in no time that something is better left unsaid considering who you are talking to.


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07 Sep 2008, 11:25 am

It explains why on almost every other forum I have visited I was accused of being a troll when I never intended to cause problems in the first place :evil:


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Magnus
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07 Sep 2008, 11:27 am

I can totally relate to this. You should keep track of these conversations and write them down so we can have a good laugh about it.


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07 Sep 2008, 11:38 am

yeah, it is never a good idea to laugh at anything when someone suggests they have been insulted. They just don't see it the way we do, and it behooves us to at least let things drop when we notice we have (as I call it) hit a clinker.

also, saying 'oh, I see how that could be misinterpreted, sorry, no I didn't think _________ fill in the blank." Goes a LONG way.

finding a connection with people is tricky. Seeing how you both had responsibilities was the connection you had in common. That was clever to note, and saying 'yes, I know what you mean about having responsibilities" would have been easier for the other guy to digest.

however if someone gets on my bad side, I can use my pointed logic and blunt honesty to completely devistate someone. I try not to, though. It really isn't fair.

Merle


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sartresue
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07 Sep 2008, 1:16 pm

Comparison of life forms topic

Cannot compare a dog to a kid. This is why I have no patience with people who talk about their pets as if they are children. Pets are infinitely easier to deal with than kids, and I ought to know, as I have been a parent and a pet owner each for 35 years.

I am not comparing them, just making an observation about needs. Some people are very attached to their pets. (I currently have two dogs and a cat, and I love them dearly.)


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Callista
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07 Sep 2008, 1:42 pm

Wow... how sensitive can you get?! I don't understand them sometimes... why does an NT, with all that social savvy, not know you don't mean that their daughter is somehow a dog?


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07 Sep 2008, 1:53 pm

On the alcohol thing, one could point out that it's lean body mass that makes a difference.



anna-banana
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07 Sep 2008, 2:29 pm

yeah, I sometimes suspect that NTs project evil intentions on everybody around them... hopefully thats not the case (oversensitive over kids/weight maybe??)



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07 Sep 2008, 3:00 pm

I find it frustrating when people read things into what I say that I didn't say, didn't mean, didn't think. And there's no way for me to predict it. One wouldn't think a straightforward statement would be hard to understand, but some folks seem to have troubles with such statements. Thankfully, I also know plenty of people who know I say what I mean.



JohnHopkins
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07 Sep 2008, 3:37 pm

Callista wrote:
Wow... how sensitive can you get?! I don't understand them sometimes... why does an NT, with all that social savvy, not know you don't mean that their daughter is somehow a dog?


People get very sensitive, especially about their kids.



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07 Sep 2008, 5:04 pm

People are awfully sensitive about their dogs, too. I upset some guy that I quite liked, by calling his dog 'it.' I call my cats 'it' more often than 'she.'

Once, working for the vet, I interposed myself between two dogs who were starting to fight in the waiting room. Leading the instigator and its owner away I remarked, sympathetically I thought, that it's very difficult to socialize terrier-breed dogs like that one to not be aggressive to other dogs, especially as the developmental window-of-opportunity for that occurs before the puppy is fully vaccinated and can safely meet strange dogs. The man complained to my boss, who upbraided me for criticising the clients.

Here's a prime one: I was in the dispensary, counting out antibiotic tablets. My boss the vet wanders by and says, "I was on that antibiotic once." I replied, "I certainly hope not, this one isn't approved for humans, it makes some people go blind. You were probably on," and named another, very similar antibiotic that is used in humans. It took about two days before she stopped acting angry to me. I still don't understand why anybody would consider this a breach of 'proper' social-rank-behavior and find it offensive instead of being happy that I knew something about the drugs we used. Madness.



anna-banana
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07 Sep 2008, 5:33 pm

Electric_Kite wrote:
Here's a prime one: I was in the dispensary, counting out antibiotic tablets. My boss the vet wanders by and says, "I was on that antibiotic once." I replied, "I certainly hope not, this one isn't approved for humans, it makes some people go blind. You were probably on," and named another, very similar antibiotic that is used in humans. It took about two days before she stopped acting angry to me. I still don't understand why anybody would consider this a breach of 'proper' social-rank-behavior and find it offensive instead of being happy that I knew something about the drugs we used. Madness.


I read your post twice and still don't find that offending... you mean she thought you were all "I know better than you"?



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07 Sep 2008, 5:44 pm

I guess that's what she thought. I just don't get it. It was a major problem for me in that job, the vets would get really angry if I displayed knowledge, as if my knowing something meant I thought they didn't know anything. One of them yelled at me once for trying to tell her some details about how to attach a heart monitor to a cat for the clearest reading, something I did every day and she nearly never did because I was there to do it. I can't fathom why she seemed to feel angry/threatened at me being able to do the everyday tasks of my job better than she could. But it happened. That sort of thing happened all the time, until I was eventually afraid to say anything about anything.