Has anyone ever told you that you are self-centered?

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...or selfish, self-serving, etc. completely out of the blue? In other words, has anyone ever made a remark to you that you are this way, and it wasn't from an argument or any reason that you could pinpoint?

For example, today I was just having a friendly discussion with an acquaintance about the weather and BOOM! the person said, "But you probably don't care as long as the rain doesn't fall on YOUR head." ......then she proceeded to hint that she thought of me as a selfish person somehow.

And the odd thing is, I can't think of anything I did to make her feel this way, except respond in a friendly way to her chit chat.

Been wracking my brains trying to think of a specific incident that caused her to feel so negatively but came empty.

Has anyone ever hinted or told you that you are selfish or self-centered, and you could not figure out the cause? If so, how did it make you feel?

Yes. A pathological narcissist who abused me both verbally and physically once told me I was self-centered. No one else ever has.

Considering the fact that this man had nearly driven me to destroy myself and was one of the cruelest and most dishonest human beings I'd ever had the misfortune of meeting, my bladder nearly exploded when he said this.

So possibly the person who said these words to you was projecting their own emptiness on you? Consider THAT for a moment. The way the statement was made to you seems rather, umm, insulting. That person seemed to me to be self-serving. Maybe THEY'VE got the problem and you just happen to be a handy projection board.

Just because we have a form of ASD does not automatically mean we consider ourselves the center of the universe or even WANT to be.

I've been told I'm selfish and think the world revolves around me in the past by my parents but tended to partly agree with them. I do have a knack of turning any situation or topic back onto myself if given half a chance but I don't blame myself too much for it as it's the main feature of autism - 'aut' means 'self' ie self-ism. So if I'm diagnosed with a condition that's all about self-ism it's hardly fair to blame me for being selfish! That's my thoughts on the matter anyway.

I'm usually a generous, altruistic and kind person most of the time so I don't think the selfcentredness I'm accused of is meanness or selfishness in the strict meaning of the word; it's more lack of thought for other peoples' feelings.

Yes, many times. It took a very long time for me to understand why people kept saying that. It was perplexing. I certainly don't intend to be that way. It is an issue with empathy, I expect.

Sometimes I wonder if this is due to the fact that there is so much going on in our heads, that we may appear self-centered?

For us, we have to consciously process almost EVERYthing that we experience, compared with NTs who unconsciously process this stuff. Hence, the way I see it is that we have a much bigger barrier between us and the outside world to get through, hence it might look as though we are just "caught up within ourselves" in some vain way. In truth, we are caught up in ourselves due to the difference in our wiring making it slower for us to process the multitude of information coming our way, it is not due to us simply being vain and not caring about anyone else. On the contrary, many of us care a LOT about others!! !
We also have to spend a lot more time having to cope with what is often uncontrollable reactions inside of us. We are trying to deal with ourselves so as not to burden others with this side of us. Once again, this might make us seem self-centered. To me, I see it that it just takes so much time and energy to "deal with ourselves" in order to "do the world a favour" that people then think we do it by choice because we are self-centered.

I hope that made sense.

Yes and I don't let it bother me. Even I have been told it online too.

Yes. The person who told me this is, by far, the most self-centered person I've ever met.

They wouldn't dare.

You tell 'em League Girl.

Yes. A lot of people have told me that, both in real life and on the web.

I very rarely get called selfish. I don't consider myself a selfish person, generally. I can be selfish sometimes, but everybody can be selfish at times, it is a common human trait, it's no good saying NTs are not selfish at all by default. Some people just show more selfish traits than others.

On Sunday at work we were short-staffed, and so someone was called to come in on her day off. I felt sorry for her, and I started arguing with the boss saying that that person had been in all week, and I asked if I could stay and do overtime to save this person from having to come in. The boss knew I was being very thoughtful, but smiled and said I needn't worry. Nobody else was bothered though. They were just hoping they wouldn't have to come in on THEIR day off during the busy short-staffed period.

I was talking with my ex-girlfriend a few months back and she said "You're incredibly selfish, you know that?". Not sure where that came from, or what I did to deserve a comment like that. :/

All the time. From everyone. Those who like me say that it's charming in an irritating way. I don't think I'm self centred though... It was a shock to me when I noticed that it seemed to be the general consensus among my social circle (or whatever it's called) that I was a narcissist.

Mostly when I mention wanting a few hours of alone time. Then I get a guilt trip for even mentioning it--as the person who is giving me the guilt trip is rushing me out of the house so he can drop me off at work in time for his tee time. I'm starting to get passive-aggressive on him, and I hate it.

Yes! I don't think I AM selfish, but completely see why I am perceived that way.

Let me start by saying that I'm not sure if I have AS and I do feel empathy. If someone I'm around is sad or frustrated, I can instinctively feel it based on their energy and presence.

What I'm not as good at is showing empathy. In the past, I've said something like "focus on the positive and cheer up" not "I totally see that you're frustrated, what's going on? Can I help?"

Growing up with two parents who I believe are AS, I don't have a lot of experience with empathy being shown to me. I also don't think that people like me or want my help (a selfish thought). Often, when I am sensing that someone is in pain or needs help, I think "well they just find me annoying- the best way I can support them is to do nothing and give them space." Then, the person never knows that I care.

Also, I'm used to not expecting anyone to care about me or help me. As a result, I do try to put myself first, so I don't have to inconvenience or bother anyone else by asking for help. Again, this is another thing I do that I think is thoughtful that comes across selfish.

I've learned so much about showing empathy from the discussions here.

Also- even if we do come across selfish at times- it's still rude when people call us selfish, I think. What is the point of saying that if it's not given as constructive feedback?