Problems...mostly having to do with focus and priorities...

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Lately I've felt discouraged and frustrated because of a habit I seem to have of allowing myself to be distracted by something, usually some form of negativity that I came across. It doesn't have to be something big...it can be an argument at home, disappointing news, or just someone making a negative comment that brings down my mood even if I am not involved. And the thing is...not all of it is earth-shattering stuff! In fact a lot of it is stuff you'd think I shouldn't dwell so much on....like an opinion that is a downer, but I agree with; a comment that has nothing to do with me; someone else getting upset; someone casting doubt on something I support or like; or bad news about movies/TV/the entertainment industry. The latter is a biggie for me...if you read my introduction -- I upped it a while ago with new comments -- you'll find that I am quite critical of that and get too easily depressed at its quality and what other people think. Plus as you know I champion the "classic element" of programs and presentations, so it stinks to think there's no place for it anymore. Nonetheless I think I know there's worse things to worry about!! !

So what I've said in so many words is that I need a way to stop obsessing on things that bring me down, and making them into bigger and bigger disturbances in my peace of mind. Cause when I obsess on things like that, I end up missing what's around me. Which is the other thing I am concerned about. I think my mind can be too one-track, and stuck on the same old interests and/or things that happened outside of wherever I am now. I want to appreciate and enjoy each different environment I'm in...for the things THEY are. That way I can also get some more new interests. And in the case of my work at the library, to feel more professional and open to being fascinated by library things.

So any thoughts from anyone? I am just happy that I have this forum to share my worries.

J.

I find this often... I dwell. Dwell, dwell, dwell, dwell, dwell...

I think that in some ways we all have a similar problem. I know that I let little things get to me -- sometimes to the point of paralyzing me. How do I deal with it? I've been trying to figure that one out for a long time. And I understand the job thing, too. I don't like my job. I'm a computer programmer. I tell people that I don't like programming, it's just something I'm good at. My degree is in physics, but it is impossible to find a job for someone with "just" a bachelor's degree in physics. Graduate school is not an option, because I barely got my bachelor's degree (I breezed through my physics courses, I had to take P.E. 3 times).

So what do I do? I just do things. I just moved, and across the street from me is an Irish pub (yeah, I'm in Chicago, but the owner and many of the employees of the pub are all from Ireland, so I guess it is still an Irish pub). I'm thinking that this Friday I'll make a little visit there. Why? I don't drink. Just to do so. I'll probably have a beer, even though I don't like beer.

It's difficult, forcing myself to do things that I don't normally do. But if I didn't, I really wouldn't do anything. I'm lonely here (my wife and I are separated, and Asperger's is a big part of that). The only thing that I can do, though, is keep on going.

I actually find that meditation is helpful. Most people think that it's crazy, but I am the kind of person who can sit around and do absolutely nothing, with no music or television or any other form of entertainment, and be perfectly content. Instead of Yoga type meditation, where you try to focus everything into yourself, try Buddhist meditation where you try to let go of yourself. Just sit and think of nothing but your breathing. Take a deep breath, and feel the outside air mingle with your body. Exhale, and imagine the air that was inside you mingling with the outside world. After a while, there is no difference between what is inside and what is outside. You don't have to be in any special position to do that, unless you are trying true religious meditation. If outside thoughts come intruding, just concentrate on your breathing again. The first few times might be difficult, but it gets easier with practice. No matter how tired I am, I can't sleep for about an hour after I lie down. This gives me time to practice.

This might not work for you, but it is what works for me. It's just a suggestion.

I'm tend to dwell like that,too.


SpaceCase

Right now, at this moment, I need to be focusing on something I have to do for my CD.

Right now, at this moment, I am replying here and when I am done I will be back to refreshing my email client waiting for more things to reply to.

Thank you for all your words...I see quite a few people identify with what I'm going through, which makes me feel less alone in the problem. Meditating and doing something else are good ideas...but sometimes my worries and problems are such that no matter what I try I can't shake them. And I can DEFINITELY identify with them causing me to almost freeze up, like I can't do anything else until I resolved them.

Today, for example, I was making copies of certain website articles at the college computer lab. After I left, it sunk in that I didn't get articles I wanted, though I did have plenty as it was there were certain ones I wanted to include. I tried to focus, to tell myself it was said and done, that given the lab's restrictions on copies it wouldn't have been a good idea anyway to do more. But still it got on my nerves even when I was trying to do/think about something else.

As you can tell, a lot of it involves second guessing myself. Other times, as I said, something upset or disappointed me and I can't forget it, or I think my day has not been perfect and blame it on what upset me, which makes me think of it and how it upset me even more.

Still got a lot of work to do, and advice to get if possible. I really want to get over this, so I don't have to be kept from enjoying things because of worry.

J.

JMFabiano524,

There are some people that seem to be impossible to forgive. In some ways I think that this is because they do something wrong thinking it is right (though it obviously is not), or intentionally trying to be evil, and then they NEVER apologize, as if they have no conscience. I can forgive if someone asks me to forgive them. Sometimes it isn't easy though and sometimes you MUST demand an apology and explain why you were offended. I have written emails to people that have offended me and have found that some people just don't know they need to apologize.

Now, for the people that have offended me, that owe me not only a serious apology, but they also need to get down on their hands and knees in tears of anguish and beg for my forgiveness and then buy me a new keyboard to replace the one I have in which the A keys all stop working sometimes:

These are people that I seem to hold grudges against, mostly bullies. The offenses they commited sometimes play through my mind like a video that is stuck in an endless loop. Not always, but only when something reminds me of them and triggers the memories. These memories are followed by homicidal ideations.

These ideations happen like this: Once Fed-Ex left a guitar we had ordered outside on the driveway. They never knocked on the door. We found the guitar after it had been sitting there in freezing temperatures for 6 hours... the name of the person that signed for it was S. Idedoor (sidedoor). I was in a rage and DoofusMaximus (my companion) called Fed-Ex to demand an apology. I grabbed the phone from her and cussed the perosn out. In my mind I was picturing lining Fed-Ex delivery drivers up against a wall and slowly disemboweling them and gnawing out their adam's apples with my teeth and then feeding their organs to their families.

Since a sincere apology is beyond the capabilities of some people, I think I act out the vengance in my mind to try to make myself feel better. The important thing for anyone who does this however, is not to actually try to act out the visualizations for real (that would quickly change my DX from autistic savant to autsitic homicidal savant). Letting the visions of what I would like to do to them play out and being able to communicate it about to someone that doesn't get scared and run from me helps me to be able to get over the incident faster. I also think, or hope when the visions happen that they will somehow be telepathically transmitted to the person who commited the offense, letting them know how bad they screwed up and what I believe they deserve at the moment.

Wow...I know exactly what James and Paul are going through. When I'm doing my internet-based home job, it takes me forever to get started. It's kind of painless once I do start, but the act of getting logged in to the system gets delayed because I'm usually doing some kind of worthless browsing and can't bring myself to what I need to do. (Of course, sometimes my browsing is worthwhile - like now. ) Everything else goes by the wayside while I'm browsing.

I'm also a pretty deep dweller who gets caught up in my own emotions. It doesn't take a whole lot to throw me off course for the entire day - one little flub at work, one comment about something, or even getting my barely-adequate paycheck can send me looking for an emotional escape from whatever's bugging me. Unlike Paul, I like my job...I just don't like the situation I'm in. Low pay, odd schedule (I'm usually just getting out of bed at this time Sundays, not posting here), no advancement, and no hope for a good way out of where I am unless I move - and I'm not financially ready for that yet. The thoughts about it all just consume me every day. Walks help, but the release I feel from taking them is temporary. Not long after I come back I start feeling the same way again. I'm hopeful (and desperate) for a change of pace to get me out of my rut.