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lightening020
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04 Oct 2008, 12:52 am

....Society/Mom/Dad/elders say that everyone is different and you can't compare yourself to other people. In all aspects of life

......and then they tell you stupid phrases to make you feel better like "everyone has problems with dating/flirting/romance/mating"........."most people are depressed some point in their life"

Not only are generalizations like that remarkably annoying, vague and condescending but its quite FLIPPY-FLOPPITY

Why teach people that not everyone develops the same way SO you cant compare, BUT then Lump you along with everyone else to make you feel better?????

Growing up I had a friend who was disabled. My dad after he saw me down said that everyone is different. But then he said at least you aren't disabled like that friend. How is thinking of someone worse off than me suppose to make me feel better about myself? Stupid NT dad



sinsboldly
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04 Oct 2008, 1:36 am

lightening020 wrote:
....Society/Mom/Dad/elders say that everyone is different and you can't compare yourself to other people. In all aspects of life

......and then they tell you stupid phrases to make you feel better like "everyone has problems with dating/flirting/romance/mating"........."most people are depressed some point in their life"

Not only are generalizations like that remarkably annoying, vague and condescending but its quite FLIPPY-FLOPPITY

Why teach people that not everyone develops the same way SO you cant compare, BUT then Lump you along with everyone else to make you feel better?????

Growing up I had a friend who was disabled. My dad after he saw me down said that everyone is different. But then he said at least you aren't disabled like that friend. How is thinking of someone worse off than me suppose to make me feel better about myself?



no, it is supposed to GUILT you into shutting up. It works on NTs

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salamander
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04 Oct 2008, 2:16 am

I think that the typical person who makes those kinds of comments (I've heard them plenty myself), just fails utterly to understand the magnitude of the problem. They think because the experiences of aspies sound familiar, they must be the same, and therefore, you just need to "get over it".

They simply do not understand that their experiences could be vastly different (easier) from yours. And then they claim aspies have a problem with empathy. Oh well.



nara44
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04 Oct 2008, 3:00 am

salamander wrote:

They simply do not understand that their experiences could be vastly different (easier) from yours. And then they claim aspies have a problem with empathy. Oh well.


Exactly,NT will just say anything in order to dispose themselves from what is for them the greatest burden,really caring for another person.



Adrenaline
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04 Oct 2008, 3:08 am

I found it totally annoying when when my parents dumped that crap on me,
"Oh count your blessings someone out there has it worse",
its not others lives I am having to deal and live with, its my own and I want to be happy.
of course there is always someone out there who has it worse,
but because of this am I supposed to do or feel nothing or be passive and submissive or happy about it?
Get real,
when I get upset about something like that I want guidance or help or acceptance
or at least confirmation that its alright to feel human,
not to be categorically shelfed as if what I feel has little meaning,
I know in their own way it was to try and help me feel better,
but it never worked, nothing was resolved.
to me it was just a big push-off to my issues being ignored,



tweety_fan
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04 Oct 2008, 7:14 am

that annoys me too. i hate that guilt you into shutting up thing.
i mean i want my problems to be resolved. i don't want to be made to feel even worse about the bad stuff in my life.



04 Oct 2008, 9:43 am

My dad has always told me in my early teens. "You learn as you get older." About sarcasm and jokes.

"Everyone develops at their own pace."

My mother and him have told me since 4th grade "You are normal. Everyone is different."


My mother told me she didn't get her first boyfriend till she was almost out of high school.



Well my dad was right, I did learn more as I got older about joking and sarcasm.

Everyone does develop at their own pace but aspies are slower

I am normal. What is normal? Lot of people have disabilities or mental illnesses. If being normal means you have no disabilities or health problems, no medical conditions, or mental illnesses and can't be on medication, then lot of people aren't normal. My mother says there would be no normal people in the world. That is what I have been taught about the word.


Lot of teens get their boyfriends/girlfriends in middle school or in the middle of high school but my mother was a little late. Turns out she was just dating other guys before and she never stuck with one of them.


We just need to learn self confidence and learn how to not be so hard on ourselves and look at the world another way just like my parents taught me.



04 Oct 2008, 9:44 am

Oh I am one of those bad guys. That is what I also do too except I say it to myself because I was taught all that by my parents. I must be NT now. :wink:

I don't think my parents were doing it to make me fell guilty so I would shut up. They were just trying to make me feel better. They weren't lying because it is all true.

My dad has ADHD and I think a learning disability too. He also has aspie traits and so does my mother. She was also bullied as a kid.



kleodimus
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04 Oct 2008, 10:18 am

it is almost an insult if you think about it



MissConstrue
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04 Oct 2008, 10:20 am

I was always called speacial! ! :)

Little did I know what they really meant.... :(


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2ukenkerl
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04 Oct 2008, 10:40 am

MissConstrue wrote:
I was always called speacial! ! :)

Little did I know what they really meant.... :(


Special is a word that could go EITHER way, so it is insidious. Of course, MOST people will try to avoid it if alone for a compliment.