Hiding Special Interests.

Post Reply New Topic

Julia_The_Great's post about special interests had me thinking.

I've probobly had loads of odd obsessions, but I've been secretive and embarassed of most of my special interests since I care to imagine. And most haven't been in anyway shame worthy or taboo.

Even someone asking me what I'm interested in makes me feel awkward and I don't share much of these things with many people. When it comes to real special interests and subjects I'm totally absorbed in, most of the time I'd be embarassed if anyone knew about them. Then when they pass in intensity, I'm not so bothered by people knowing I'm interested in whatever it was I was totally obsessed with a number of weeks before.

Maybe I shared special interests with people when I was little or something, and someone responded negatively and that's why I feel bad about sharing them now. Maybe they're a big, important part of my identity and I subconsiously feel the need to protect them? I have no idea.

Sometimes I have this mental block too about people knowing my special interests. I'm better now though. Like you I think it was because people tended to react negatively when I was younger. For example my obsession with mathematics/numbers as a kid was seen as very "bad".

If anyone has seen Mozart and the Whale I was just like the lead character in it.

I think though, rather than hiding special interests, I rather think they can help you talk to people and interact and make connections with them. Especially if you are as enthusiastic about them as you are. I used to have a special interest in Sainsbury's, which I don't have now, but the euphoria I felt about Sainsbury's I just couldn't keep it to myself. I was so thrilled to bits about Sainsbury's that I came across as a happier person, which helped when interacting with others.

At least it was a topic of conversation and at least it showed people I was interested in something and had enthusiasm.

It's ok to have weird interests, but you probably don't want to blab about them on MySpace or Facebook, because potential employers look at your sites to see what kind of personality you have, to see if they want to hire you or not.

I generally keep my interests to myself, unless I find places I can share them. Luckily, I have websites such as the Siamese Internet Cat Club where I can freely indulge in my passion for cats and WP, where I can talk about AS issues.

I know exactly what you mean. For example, I get really obsessive about the music I like, but when someone asks what kind of music I like, even when I have a very concrete answer in my head, I just can't say it, I say "a little bit of everything" or something else noncomittal. The only interest I've ever really been able to share since, say, middle school, is my reptile obsession. And that was because my ex-husband was into reptiles, and said it first. The depth of my interest in unusual things has always been something I'm ashamed of, and when I try to think of a reason for being ashamed, I can't. It's not like my interest is murder or pedophilia, but I guard it as if it is.

Maybe that's it. I also tend to hide my interests. What you say about them being so crucial to your identity, you can't bare being ridiculed makes sense. Many people have special interests, the tendancy to hide it and practice it alone is what differentiates AS people from those who are obsessed with say, Morris Minor cars and feel the urge to meet similar others every other weekend.

Another aspect is that something I'm thoroughly absorbed in gets 'diluted', even spoiled if others join in. Possibly because some part of my mental processes are diverted from the task to cope with communication?



Tim, it's not that these interests even need be weird. My special interest is music, which is no way weird, but I still feel reluctant to share aspects that are important to me. I notice that you also see the value of not sharing your interests! Sure, a potential employer may see, but would they really care? You will fail to meet others who share your interest if you keep it secret.

Makes me think this is all part of the Aspies tendancy to conceal their personalities. Possibly learned behaviour from teasing and bullying as it doesn't make much sense in grown adults.

That's a classic example of my answers to those type of questions.
The problem is people think your weird if you give such a non-specific answer, maybe even more than they would if you were to pour out the details of all your favorite music on top of them! I just can't respond to those questions. The worst one being "What are you in to?". I just clam-up when people ask that.

ManErg, that's a good analysis. It does make it hard to find others with the same interests and even engage in everyday conversations and dreaded 'small talk' as a result.

Absolutely. I hate being secretive, and I'm afraid that it makes me look like I have something to be ashamed of, but it's hard to overcome my reluctance. My interests aren't even particulary odd, just geeky.

A few years ago, when I was working as an order-puller in a warehouse I didn't want *anyone* to know I spent my lunch breaks reading Boethius in Latin. I was afraid my co-workers would think it was 'elitist' (a *very* bad thing to be in the US) and my family wouldn't like it because it isn't 'practical'.

Those were excuses, though, and I was probably doing eveyone concerned an injustice. I really don't know why I feel that way, but it's definitely there.

I don't talk about my interests, even if they're not unduly creepy, because I tend to get carried away and bore people.

My interests aren't really weird or unusual either, and I don't readily discuss them unless I know the other person is interested. Luckily one of my biggest interests is performing music, so sharing the interest is kind of automatic.

I used to hide my interest very much, thinking they were weird and I'd be even more rejected for them. But then I started seeing that people around me had the same interests and didn't hide them, so nowadays I'm open about them.

I hide all interests that I can not pass off as the least bit "normal" or at least something many people have. I will let semi-normal interests show a bit. Like when I was obsessed with currency, I would show a little bit so it looked like I only spent a couple hours a week on it instead of the hours I spent every night just looking at the intricacies of a single coin. Or my thing on dinosaurs, I never showed the compalation "book" I wrote when I was around 10-12 of every single dinosaur I knew and what I knew about them (filled an entire drawer).

People think that I'm strange to begin with, I don't have to show them how strange.

I am also hiding my interests. I don't want to attract attention or to have a reputation of eccentric. (Have you experience with "why are you doing it? Do something more useful!"?) I am very secretive and many people which I know for long time know only little about me. For instance I am playing geocaching for more than two years and most of people which knows me don't know about it.

Have you ever been bullied about your special interest? That is why I have stopped being so open because people threatened to kill me and my rabbits (which were my obsession at the time). I am more open now as I get older about my special interest in languages, but I am still kinda embarrassed about my previous obsession with crisp packets... don't ask...

Also, I wouldn't put myself on facebook because I don't want any employers 'researching' me.

Frankly, geocaching is one of my few interests I feel comfortable talking about to non-AS folks! At least I can point them to the web pages of my caches and most of them do know what a GPS is now that they have them in their cars. (A few years ago, this interest required more time to explain than anyone would give me.) My other interests are not deemed seemly in an old lady...

My special interest became my job, but I still don't talk about it very often. I think being ridiculed for having unusual interests for my age (when I was young) has something to do with it. I also think that once I realized that other people didn't necessarily care about my interest, I started keeping it to myself more. Even if people seem genuinely interested, I'm not sure that their interest is real. And I still don't like to speak up because it somehow feels like I'm showing off.

Z