Going "mute" in social situations.

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Sometimes I go very quiet or almost mute in certain social situations. It always happens around people I don't know/people I don't know that well but it doesn't always happen around people I don't know/people I don't know that well. It only happens in some situations. I'm not completely sure about the pattern yet.

Anyway, I experienced it last night for example. I was at a "meeting" (not sure what to call it) for people who have or suspect they have AS, Autism, ADHD, Tourette's etc. I've been there once before and I was very quiet then as well but someone noticed me and started talking to me. I explained I'm very bad at initiating conversation so she helped a lot by asking specific questions (I think it's easier to talk if someone asks questions instead of me just having to talk about random things). Yesterday I sat at a table for about 2 hours without saying a word. I wanted to join in the conversation because it was an interesting one. I couldn't though. When I say "I couldn't" I'm not sure if that means I physically couldn't or if I was too anxious to do so (or something else). The thing is, I didn't feel too anxious this time. I was definitely anxious but I was more anxious last time I was there.

It also happened last summer (for example). I was having dinner with my boyfriend, his brother and the brother's girlfriend. I'm not completely comfortable around them but I don't go "mute" or anything. But then a friend of the brother was having dinner with us (no one told me about that in advance). As soon as he entered the room I went completely silent until he left (several hours later). The only time I spoke was when someone asked me if I wanted more food (I said "no, thanks") and when the friend said "you're a very quiet person" (then I said "sorry" and went to the bathroom and hit my head repeatedly).

In those situations I pretty much only speak if people ask me very specific questions. Yesterday, for example, I only spoke when one guy asked me "is that your bag? We thought you'd forgotten it." I answered "yes, that's my bag." As soon as I left the meeting I could talk normally again.

What do you think of this? Why does it happen? Social anxiety? When I told my "friend" (don't know how to define a friendship) about it she said that's common for people with AS (she's got HFA). Is that true?

I find it difficult to speak when in conversations with two or more people. I tend to remain quiet until I have enough of an idea of the conversation that I can contribute something.

It's not anxiety for me, though. I just literally do not know what to say, how to say it, or to whom.

I can relate to this to an extent. In social gatherings, I often just sit there quietly, unless someone else engages me (i.e. asks me a question or says something that piques my interest). I think it's mainly that I simply don't have anything to say, or don't know what to say. Other times, I'm just too slow to think of something to say and the conversation moves on before I get a chance to speak. Still other times, I'm just content with listening, even if it's an interesting conversation.

Still other times, something about the whole interaction just feels awkward, and as a result, I don't feel like saying much.

Also, do you feel like you sometimes come up with the responses in your head but just don't verbalize them? Because I experience that sometimes. For instance, sometimes, someone will ask me a question and I'll come up with a response in my head but I won't verbalize it.

I've given the topic of social anxiety some thought lately, and I realized that I don't experience what I'd consider to be social anxiety--at least not any more (I was selectively mute for a time as a child, though). I've presented to (small-ish) groups; I've gone to trade shows; my job requires me to occasionally meet with people I don't know. I don't get panicky or anxious in those situations. I find I have difficulty approaching people and initiating social interactions and keeping conversations going, and I do sometimes dread having to interact with other people. I can have this sort of problem around people I've known for many years, even. But I think it has more to do with not knowing what to say/do or not wanting to expend the energy on social interaction than it does with social anxiety/phobia. I wonder if this holds true for you too.

There was a time, back when I still thought I was "normal", when I'd talk happily whenever I found a chance. These days there's always a self-generated censor reminding me that I'm not normal and I might be contravening other people's norms. I preferred it the old way, from the self centred viewpoint, but I can't change it back.

I have experienced this reluctance to speak before. There were times when I really wanted to say something but couldn't...

When speaking is absolutely necessary, though (e.g. job interview), my voice often drops and becaise very quiet, almost like a whisper. It takes a considerable effort to make it louder again.

It sounds like mutism.

I know situations like this very well, where I can't talk or just a view words.
It's like my mouth doesn't want to move.

I've had this before. When there's too many people or too much noise, I usually just stare at the floor and stop talking. I guess I could talk if I really wanted to, but I just really don't in that moment.

I have noticed that familiarity can alleviate this issue.

If I know the people around me well, then speaking is not a problem, even if the situation is nosiy and confusing.

But if people are strangers, the troubles begin, even if the situation is quiet and peaceful.

Could it not be due to the fact that our brains aren't good at multitasking? In that we are best at focusing on one topic at a time to a greater depth due to us having weaker long-range connections in our brains and stronger short-range ones (or something like that)?

Hence, a new situation presents a multitude of new information which requires a LOT more multitasking to be done. In a familiar situation we don't need to process so much information therefore it frees our minds up a bit more in order to interact in the way we are best at (however well that may truly be! lol)

By not talking, not looking, not interacting, this helps to limit how much extra multitasking our brain has to do from all the new information in order to help us do the essential stuff better otherwise we might go into shutdown, etc.

Each new person presents a MULTITUDE of new information to process, let alone a new environment, or more than one new person at a time...