"You can tell alot by looking into her eyes"...umm

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Anyone else never quite "get this" whole concept? I hear people say all the time "man just look into her eyes and you'll know!!"

I've been on dates where her eyes looked pretty damn loving to me, but when I call for date 2 I get the "we didnt have a connection" speech. So obviously my EYE READING must really suck?!?!

"Eyes windows to the soul" what the F does that even mean? When I stare at a womans eyes I cant tell if she likes me, hates me, or is indifferent!! All looks the same to me...just...eyes!!

You know what I think? If a guy goes on a date, and it happens to work out, he says later "I knew when I looked in her eyes, she was the one!!"...only he fails to mention he said that about the previous 50 OTHER WOMEN AS WELL, and was wrong about it!! It just sounds nice AFTER to say "it was all in her eyes". Cmon.

Am I alone on this? Am I just incredibly bad at noticing things like that?

"Reading someone's eyes" is actually short for reading their entire face, not just their eye movements. NTs are wired to do this very efficiently and use it for a great deal of their communication. So when an NT "looks into another person's eyes" (i.e., looks at and analyzes that person's face), they can get a lot of information from that person.

On the other hand, autistic people are better off communicating in words, much of the time--there are exceptions; there are some autistics around here who say they can dump the words and use face-reading just fine, especially with other autistics--but in general, words are best. If you are feeling something, say it in words. Ask what the other person is feeling--for example, you may simply ask, "What are you thinking about?" (Just asking "how are you" will produce the form response; just use that question for protocol--it's useless for getting information about what someone's feeling.)

I think you will probably do better if you just use the date to find out as much about her as you possibly can--what she likes to do, what her life is like, what she thinks is fun or annoying. Just try to find out if you have things in common, things you can do together that are fun. Establish a connection based on facts and common interests, if you can. I would find it awfully hard to connect with a total stranger on the first date (or even an acquaintance); but then, I'm asexual and my primary need for connection is intellectual and non-physical.

Far as I can tell, that first date is mostly for figuring out whether you have potential as a couple, and whether you want to give it a shot. So just try to learn from her who she is. Get a lot of information. And if you want to invite her to a second date, try something fun that you know she likes and that you also like. Dates don't have to be all about staring into each other's eyes. Having fun together is just as good, and takes the pressure off your weaker social skills. Or maybe you will find out that you have not found a potential romantic interest, but you have found a friend you like to spend time with. That's good too.

I've always thought I had good intuition of people I will be friends with and who I will dislike.

i never date because i don't have the courage. i admire autistic people who have even started taking the first steps. sorry i don't have any advice

FWIW, when I dump the words, I don't use face-reading, I use movement-reading of the person's entire body. Very different process from the way NTs read people, with such different results that NTs have actually used me to ask me about certain things I could perceive about people.

I don't know how significant this is, but NTs(I suppose they are called here)...sometimes confuse my lack of eye contact for lack of intrest. When really its just harder for me to focus on what they say if I look them in the eye and its very uncomfortable unless I have known the person for long enough to be completly comfortable around them.

So I think anyone can make innaccurate assumptions about these kinds of things.

In my line of work (security) watching a person's eyes and hands tell me everything I need to know about their intentions. I have fairly well mastered it within this context. That being said, when it comes to reading a woman I'm interested in I'm unable to find the words to adequately describe how lost I am.

I don't read animals any better than I read people. My cats are forever getting upset with me because of it.

Fickle animals, they are.

I don't know, all my cat's actions are motived by food, or killing me.