Lifelong search for answers

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I'm new to posting, but have been lurking for a while - reading and processing. I have not been diagnosed with AS, but have been diagnosed (I believe MIS-diagnosed, actually) in the past with Depressive Personality Disorder by one psychologist and as Bi-Polar II by a psychiatrist. I have never needed medication for either, which makes me wonder, "If I really had either, wouldn't I have needed this medication?" I am generally a happy person (so where does the depression go?), but I have social fears and awkwardness, found it hard to maintain relationships, jobs, and to finish college. I am a 43 year old woman with still so many questions about my childhood and why I perceive things the way I do. It wasn't until the birth of my daughter 5 years ago that I ever considered autism. She was diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago with PDD-NOS. I saw in her so many things that reminded me of myself as a child, but still didn't take it too seriously. As for Asperger's, well, I didn't even look into it because it did not really pertain to her or what we could do for her. But all that changed recently when I read an article about how Asperger's may manifest itself a little differently in women, and how many of these women are only finding out in their 40's and 50's that they have it. I am now at a point where I would like answers, but I don't know where to go. I live in a city in Florida with no specialists in AS, except for a couple of them who generally diagnose in children. So, where does an adult woman go for diagnosis? I am willing to travel, if need be. Thanks for letting me ramble...

I'm 12 years older than you, living in England, no kids but apart from that my story is pretty much the same. I've been wrongly diagnosed with Agoraphobia for 35yrs, now I'm told I have GAD and OCD ( which I would agree with) but I also know I have AS but once again the medical profession refuses to diagnose me because of lack of proof I've had a lifelong problem, which I have. I'm one of the ones who are in the wrong age group (too old) for a definite diagnosis because my mum, bless her, is 82 and can't remember and my sisters have never been that close to me and couldn't contribute much at my consultation because back then they were kids too. This has left me feeling worse really than before because everything has to be completely right and honest with me and I want justification for what is wrong. Annoyed doesn't cover it!

Sorry I can't help with the referral bit in America, being English, but I just wanted to answer and let you know others are going through the same. But there will be someone on here who can help you because everyone's so knowing and helpful ... you've done the right thing.

All the best,

Tiffinity.

Thanks so much for your story and for the encouragement, Tiffinity. And I wish you luck on your own road to discovery. On a side note, my husband is English and has been an absolute rock in my life - has no problems with my lack of desire to wear makeup or with my dressing for comfort rather than style. I consider myself lucky that I don't feel social pressure when I'm around him. And he's a wonderful father to boot. It took a lot of years, but I finally found the right partner.

I just wanted to post as I identify with Tiffany's story a little bit although I am younger (35). I too am diagnosed with Agoraphobia, anxiety, Social Anxiety, Depression and have a past diagnosis of OCD but am not sure if I am diagnosed correctly or not. I have been seeing therapists from around the age of 7 for my problems but was often described as being very bright but emotionally immature as a child. I don't remember if I was tested for aspergers back then, it's not something I am aware of being tested for. I would tell therapists that I had trouble socialising and it was pretty much ignored by them in favour of focusing on either my tantrums as a child or my depression as an adult (although my adult tantrums, although milder than when I was a child, don't go unnoticed either (but are put down to anger when actually...its not quite that but still) as I tend to scream at myself for ages when very upset or distressed (although not in front of people if I can help it)...I never grew out of them or matured it seems!).

I have tried therapy and medications and nothing really works. I am presently on disability as I am unable to cope with the social aspects of working and changes to my routine etc. Its frustrating as academically I was very bright but my ability tends to get wasted because of my 'problems'.

Unfortunately all of my relatives are either deceased or estranged now so I cannot ask them for a detailed childhood history.

I do not know if my problems are Aspergers related or not, but they have always been with me.

Hope you manage to get your diagnosis sorted out lattefreak.

I'm 60 and I was diagnosed with AS when I was 57. After I took this test I thought it was time to make sure - here's the test (it's not official) -

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

My family doctor said the only resources would be the Children's Hospital or the Mental Hospital - because each of them has an Autism/Asperger's Department. I chose the Mental Hospital because of its shorter waiting list (only a year!). Diagnosis was done over a period of six months. They just interview you, or ask you to make up a story - stuff like that. The only way to diagnose is by observing behaviour.

So, finally I got my diagnosis. I asked for, and got, a cover sheet signed by the psychiatrist saying that "a diagnosis of Asperger's is warranted" but giving no personal details. That's the paper I keep handy for all the therapists who think they can make their own diagnosis based on what they've read lately.

Good luck to you!

I can relate to a lot of what all of you have experienced, especially in childhood. My tantrums were physical at times (my sister and I fought for a year when I was 16 and then it was suddenly just gone, almost like a phase). I wore a coat for an entire year in middle school, even in the dead heat of summer - a little because I felt safe inside of it, but mostly because I felt extremely anxious and scrutinized without it (if that makes sense). As for hygiene, well, let's just say it was not my strong point, although I have come far since then (still don't do the makeup, skincare stuff, but it doesn't bother me or anyone else). I remember many times as a child and a few times as an adult that I would suddenly freeze up when meeting a new person, avoid looking at their face, go completely silent and feel a coldness on my skin everywhere. I've held a lot of jobs, but the ones I found the most success in were ones where I worked alone or traveled a lot. I truly do like people and have had some wonderful friendships along the way - I just don't have a ton of friends and I don't go out with groups (except for a craft group one day a month). It's been important for me to keep trying at everything and to push beyond my awkwardness and social fears - not always successfully, but being a parent has helped me find common ground with other parents whose children attend school with mine. One of the most important decisions I made a few years ago was to go back to college. It took longer and I had to skip a semester here and there so I could "deprogram" after a particularly harsh semester, but I've now found what works for me. I am now in the creative writing program at Florida State and enjoying myself in what I have always loved to do - inside my head, at least. I was always imagining scenarios in my head, but I've taught myself to write it down now and I'm getting great feedback - who knew?! I'm now on the path to graduate school - slowly and surely. It's still not easy, especially with my anxiety, but I'm finding that believing in myself has really helped a lot. I, too, have taken the aspie tests and, although not a diagnosis, it has made me realize that perhaps talking to a diagnostician is warranted. My scores were 38/50 on the AQ Test and 139/200 on the Aspie Quiz. We will see what happens, I guess.