I'm an NT in an aspie body and brain. crap.

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I have all kind of wishes/dreams/mindset of an NT person, but I'm trapped inside an Aspie brain and body.
This is just not gonna work. Or is this EXACTLY what aspie MEANS?
I mean I desperately want contact, but when I have it, I hate it. I want to actually go out of home and have some sort of idea what it would look like, but when I go out, it's all different and generally crap. Again is this Asperger's? or am I having some sort of weird disorder of my own? I mean I can sort of remember that when I was a kid or teenager, contact was sorta fun (at least at school. I was popular in my own way). or going out was actually totally fun. But that "out" was in Iran not Germany. This is all weird man.
WHAT should I do now? start hating this stuff? or rather lie to myself and make myself believe that I hate this stuff? Outside world is apparently no place for me as it seems. It's all complicated, tiring and generally crap. Gives me my own version of shutdown/meltdown hybrid. And all the time I act "normal", which is also extremely exhausting.
Help me out here.....

I feel like that too. That is why I don't say "Asperger's makes me who I am", because I feel it doesn't make me who I am. I can easily imagine myself as an NT without Asperger's. Normal social skills and behaviours are wired into me, but the Asperger's holds me back. I could write a book for NTs about NTs, and you'd think a socially skilled NT wrote it. But just day-to-day communication and behaviour, the Asperger's just traps the inner NT inside me.

Yeah This is exactly it. I mean Theoretically I could do anything. Practically I can't do anything. I mean when I watch a movie or read a book I get everything. But in real life I'm just plain stupid. I can even analyse people and give them really good advice, people twice my age even. but I can't do anything right myself. Inside my head everything is fine but when I actually do stuff I fail miserably.

Are you saying you prefer the idea of things like social contact to the actual reality of it? Or something different?

1. I have an Idea about life. World, Social interaction and how it should FEEL like. I don't know where the idea itself is from. I say past life. like when I was a kid things were easy and sorta fun. Or maybe I'm a victim of media. I don't know. But I have an idea how social interaction and outside world and life should feel like, which based on my experience from lifes of other people is probably true.
2. The my real life experience, social interaction, going out, whatever, is fundamentally different from this "idea". It's not fun, its complicated, tiring, gives me shutdowns and it's just a pile of crap.
3. 1. and 2. don't match up. I wonder why not. I suspect asperger's.

I'm also totally good at understanding social cues and stuff, as long as I have time to think about them (like other people's lifes etc.) but when I have to engage in this stuff myself, I fail miserably.