Should I be Irked by this?

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So every now and again my AS gets brought up when I am talking to my friends, and whenever it does they say that it is all in my head and that I can control it. I don't know if I should get irked by this or not because they may just be trying to help me I don't know, I feel irked when they say it because they are NT's and have no idea what I go through everyday so I don't know what do you guys think should I be irked or no?

That doesn't sound like 'friends' to me. Yes I would be irked.

"Should" as in a normative response: Yes
"Should" as in a right to because your friends were out of bounds: No

This is just a case with your friend's not being able to empathize with you. You shouldn't really hold that against them because they are NT and can't help it. NT's can only empathize with things that they themselves have experienced or can imagine experiencing, and they generally have to be taught to empathize with those with AS through analogies and stories.

You can point out, that yes, it is in your head. AS is a neurological phenomena.

From the NT's tend to have a theory of mind deficit in that they have a hard time grasping that something or someone can look one way, and be another way.

For example, if you've ever seen the film "Transporter" you may recall one of the characters was an Asian lady who's real name is Shu Qi. Shu did NOT speak English at the time the movie was filmed, yet she spoke all of her lines in English, and someone might very easily assume her to be fluent but she wasn't. She had just mastered saying those lines.

Yes, I tend to totally take your side on this one.; it's like telling a blind person that blindness is all in their head and they would be able to drive a car if they tried hard enough....and they say that we are the ones lacking empathy?

Just My Two Cents,

Allie Kat
http://www.myaspergerslifestory.com/

Based on that, yes, I think you have the right to. They don't have the experience to make that judgement.

Like Chronos said they can't experience what you go through. There are some very ignorant people out there in the world. I even get the same treatment from my family.

You have every right to be annoyed at them and if they still act that way when you tell them they have no idea what you're going through then I'd ditch em. Unless they are super awesome people in other ways and will just drop it when you try to explain that you can't control your behaviour.

I've got so many behaviour problems (not related to autism) and it's very difficult to control them and very difficult to just get by while experiencing them. They completely take over me and might make me too much of a joker, or an arrogant b******d, or cranky or just too happy.
I guess a good way to get NT's to understand is to ask them can they control themselves when they are drunk or on drugs? It's like that for me sometimes and to a lesser extent it could be like that for someone with AS.

It would irk me. But then I would launch into a monologue about what autism really is, dissect their misconceptions one by one and obliterate their idiocy. After one round of that, it would never come up again.

My DAD of all people used to say things like that to me! I actually said to him, 'if you can't accept that I have AS/TS then don't talk to me any more. That stopped him! He doesn't tell me what I can and can't do now!

From my NT viewpoint, their comments are rude. A friend would try to understand AS and how it effects you. NTs should be better able to conduct themselves properly when it comes to situations like this. An NT may not be able to empathize with an Aspie, but they can certainly show a friend some compassion and not try to minimize what he is experiencing by saying, "it's all in your head". NTs aren't beyond making the same type of rude statements to other NTs. I don't know if it's ignorance or if they are just genuinely rude people who try to minimize others feelings on a regular basis.

If I was in your position, I would ask that friend (maybe later in private) if they really believed that the AS was all in your head. If so, I would then try to educate them on what AS is and how it effects you in your daily life. If they are still resistant and continue making rude comments...find a new friend. I know sometimes that's easier said than done, but I can tell you from my personal experience, there are worse things than being alone.

Now I have read all the comments and I appriciate your answers, now I am Irked by the statement itself not at them because they don't know, frankly they may just have another way of thinking then I do, I will not hold it against them mainly because they are awesome people, they are just confused on why I act the way I do, and it could be I am not explaining it the way I should be I am not sure. Thanks for the comments.

Perhaps a bit of humor would work to get the point through to them...
"Right.. you're not an idiot.. it's all in your head".

This one's right out of my playbook lol, I can't stand ignorance, and will sit there and beat my head against the wall (figuratively) trying to make them understand. =/

Some one needs to vote No just to get rid of that silly 20 to nothing lopsided result.


Or not.


Never seen a poll so lopsided.