At times I feel my introversion makes it difficult for me to fully and truly experience the present. Simply being alive, observing and reflecting seem, at times, sufficient activity makig actual activity seemingly impossible. I've had my life experiences, done things most haven't and enjoyed myself, but still this feeling lingers. It is present at times and disapates at others but usually returns as if on cue. Looking back on things I have done and people I have met, I begin to feel as if I was never really 'there' the same way the others were really 'there.' I then begin to search for proof of my existence via the internet; Google searches, MySpace pages and so on. I have found passing mention of myself, found websites for clubs I once went to, bands I used to say, places I used to go and it always seems that I was just off to the side of the edge of that photograph. As I reflected on this phenomenom, I realized that I must do more now to make myself included in the present. This, in turn, leaves me feeling as if I am generally missinog out on some unknown thing - as if all of my friends are having a party and I was not invited. I tried my level best to capture this feeling in writing here... Anyone else feel this way? I did read the post about missing out, but decided to write something in addition...
28 Nov 2008, 5:44 am
