Why don't NT's come to us if they see we have issues?

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For example it's usually the boss who pulls me into the office saying an employee had issues with me and with my teacher I didn't find out until months after the suspension. Why don't NT's come to us directly with there problems. They think we can't handle it I guess but is there more to it than that?

It may depend on many things. Perhaps they tried to bring it up, in such a way that you had no idea what they were getting at? NTs have a roundabout way of doing such things, if they aren't too confrontational about them. I don't know what you look like, in RL; if you're large or somehow look intimidating, etc? Best ideas I have, anyway.

This is true, about NTs. They talk in a sort of code, instead of saying what they mean, outright. I have tried to figure out the purpose of this, but cannot. For, if they use this odd, roundabout code, and you figure out what they mean, the outcome will be the same. Say it blunt, say it roundabout, if the purport is of a negative nature, what difference does it make in how it is delivered?

Fixed.


I'm the same way. Do you go to people if you have issues with them? Most people don't and my guess would be they have the same reason I have. I don't think they are going to give a s**t and even care what they did or not so why go to them and tell them "Oh when you called me the b word, it really hurt my feelings?" What do you think the person is going to say to that? "So, get over it?" and they don't give you an apology.

I had an issue with someone and she didn't like what I did to her but she never came to me about it to resolve the issue, but instead played the victim and was talking to other people about it in our group. See, even people on the spectrum do the same. Lot of people don't like conflicts so they avoid them like a plague. Instead they go to their friends or family and talk about their problem they are having with someone.

It is not a code or a secret language. NTs really understand implications that Aspies sometimes miss. That is what makes NTs different from Aspies. NTs have a facility for the verbally implicit plus they know body language from a very early age. Aspies take much longer to decode the implicit portions of NT communications.

It is an non symmetric and probably unfair situation. Aspies make themselves known plainly and sometimes NTs do not. But they are not being malicious about it. It is the way they are.

ruveyn

There's something else to consider. In many workplace situations, employees are encouraged to discuss personnel issues with their supervisor rather than the other party. For example, if John is having issues with Jane, John is discouraged from speaking directly to Jane but report it to his supervisor instead.

Personally, I would rather someone tell me directly they're having an issue with me than go through an intermediary. If we can't work it out on our own for whatever reason, then involve management to help resolve it. Unfortunately, that makes too much sense.

N.T's have all sorts of social codes and thinking outside the box and predetermining how other people might respond based on their own idiosyncracies and prejudices which maybe are not like the other persons anyway but they like to try and tick all the boxes. . so they make these social rules in the work place that work for most N.T's ( or maybe none atall.. )
being direct can be seen as confrontational and N.T's can then get into a situation where they each apportion blame and then they have to say their reasons why they act as they do and find excuses etc..
direct works for me. if i am wrong i apologise and if im not wrong i still apologise. then agonise. has anyone really got it right in society.? id rather be a dog in a pack any day the rules are so much clearer

Because they're too cowardly.

I find this very frustrating. I am sure there were times when they used NT speak so I missed their logic, but if feels like often they talk behind my back. I have walked up on conversations that stopped as I got closer, but my hearing is sensitive enough to usually get the gist of their feelings concerning me.

It is to do this as I cannot grow or work with the deficets unless I know what others consider such. Rrrr I hate that.