Not wanting friends

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Something that my therapist said to me the other day is still bothering me. She asked if I have any friends. I said "no" and that I have always found it very hard to make friends and even harder to find the energy to spend time being social.

She asked if that makes me sad and I said "no". But the way that she said it was as though I am missing out on something very important. Even that I must surely believe that I don't want friends to make myself feel better about not being able to make any.

I'm definitely the type of aspie that prefers (and needs) to spend A LOT of time alone. But she has made me feel like I did as a teenager and in my very early twenties when I felt like I was "missing out" because I couldn't connect and be social like everyone I saw around me and on TV. As I got older I cared less and less. I know what I want, don't I?

They must have slept through that day at therapist school, Aspergers, could care less about friends.

Like the Dairy Council who pushes milk on everyone, even the lactose intolerant.

Everyone needs friends and three glasses of milk a day, they read from the script.

I would say she is a dependant person, living through others approval.

The whole world could praise me, I would still have my own stuff and be annoyed with them.

It is not just friends, I get the same from not watching TV, Movies, or listening to music. Three days ago I went out for breakfast, and the Shondells, Please Mister Postman, has been running off and on ever since.

Live your own life.

I don't want any friends either. I also subtly push anyone away who tries to contact me too much. I wish that was more accepted by people. It's nothing personal, I just like being alone and like doing what I want to do.

Careful with the generalities, some of us do desire and enjoy having some friends.

I enjoy being with my friends, very much. They understand me and accept me. That's very hard to find, in the NT world.

See this is exactly why I dont go sit on a couch and tell somebody i dont even know all of my problems because it seems like they just create more

Therapists will do that. The entire Psychology/Psychiatry movement is based on having lots of social interaction and connections with others. "Networking" and the like. It's true, some people really need this to be happy and their need should be respected.
However, not everyone has this strong urge and need and we are just as worthy of having our need for limited social interaction respected, our comfort zone respected, not manipulated and altered to conform to society's standards because there is something about us that isn't perceived to be quite right.
Instead, we are made to feel like our lives must be hopelessly sad or damaged and we are really missing out. We need to be drugged into sociability.
Everyone needs to be social to some extent just to survive, but not everyone has the same social needs. This should be supported by people in the Psychiatric/Psychological community. Far too often. loners are manipulated into thinking there is something wrong with them or they should be frustrated and angry because everyone has friends but them. I want to say to all of them, you are fine the way you are. Just keep doing what you do and don't let anyone convince you you are "sad" for being alone
The media is worst of all, trying to make the world believe all loners are sociopaths when there are far more social people committing heinous crimes than loners. Loners do not get together and go to war with other groups, either. So, how is it they are such a threat? Sure, a few of them might be, and have been, serial killers, but they are a tiny minority within the loner community.
The group pouncing on the lone prey reminds me of the instinct that lionesses possess. They see a lone creature as an easy target and go after them, full force. Not because the prey poses a danger to the pride of lionesses. Rather, because, the prey is easy to go after because it isn't in a group. The lionesses instinctively see this as an advantage and act on the opportunity.
This is the fate of loners in the Psychiatric/Psychological community and the media.

This is complicated. I do want friends and have a few close friends who I occasionally see and quite regularly talk to on the phone or through the internet. I would feel 'empty' if I didn't have friends.

However, I don't like going out much - unless I am going somewhere familiar and doing something familiar. I am happy spending time alone and perhaps that makes me a 'loner' or an 'introvert' (as well as an Aspie).

But I do like to know that I have people who are bothered about me (and vice versa) and people I can talk to.

I am just not very social in the sense of going out a lot. And, I am selective in terms of the way that I socialise (i.e. one-to-one or in a small group only).

I prefer to keep the few friends that I do have, but have no interest in making new friends. Even the few friends I have tend to hang around more than I like. I enjoy my alone, quiet time. Your therapist doesn't sound like she's very familiar with Aspergers.

Yes, some people believe that a person who doesn't interact with others isn't really living. For most people it's probably true. But if you truly don't feel lonely, that's fine. I wish I didn't. Can't live with them, can't live without them.

Sometimes I wonder....there have been people in my life recently who I've made (apparently) friends with, and at times I've noticed that it's my turn to get in touch, and then I forget to, even when it means I'll be alone. So I wonder if I'm actually lonely or whether it's just that I've swallowed the standard paradigm that being alone is bad.

I need friends, but I don't need to have many. And I certainly don't need a "group" of people. A single close friend is fine with me. If I'm not social at all and never go outside, I get lonely or depressed. But that said, if I have too many people around me, I feel very tired and overwhelmed. I think I work on a "social quota" system. So long as I get x amount of interaction in x days, I'm fine.

I'm the same as you on this. I too thought I cared less and less but the truth is that rather than not caring, the concept had become routine. Sort of like if you live near a train track...a few years go by and you simply stop noticing the train roar by because you learned to tune it out automatically.

I want friends. Just not too many, and not too socially needy. But it's nice to have someone to talk about anything and everything with. Someone you can depend on to be there for you.

I've never minded much either. I have a few friends now, even though I rarely see them, we talk online or by phone/text. That's fine with me

I had one those rare "aha" moments some time ago while reading an article in, I think, Time Magazine. It said that a feature of the autistic mind is to interpret any interaction with other people, however casual, as a confrontation. Social situations have always been like that for me. I don't get panicky or run out of the room, but it seems to activate that fight or flight part of my brain, where all my instincts tell me to find a way out of that situation. I've learned to keep up appearances with people and not make it obvious, but since I don't tend to reciprocate the kinds of overtures other people make, they usually don't make much of an effort to break the ice with me. I sometimes wonder if they take it personally and infer that I just don't like them, but it's probably obvious how protective I am of my personal space.

I'm bored and anxious in casual interaction situations. I have to be an actor to pretend I enjoy it. I do like watching a sports event with one other person, I know my sports and half a fan is a useless thing to me. I'm annoyed if it is an event with a meal included. I just wish we'd have a drink and bag of chips and a bag of m&ms. I still take things in my pockets to eat and wish that was the extent of it. I have friends but they accept I'm 'busy' in my world but it took YEARs of saying no. Now we laugh about it. I'm extra paranoid tonight because there is a monthly neighborhood thing going on and it is torture. They are all card players and playing cards extra annoys me unless we play one game. The dealer picks and switches it up every hand. I hate gambling. I get so nervous I can't play. I used to think I was competitive but I'm not. When people 'have' to win, I just cave. Competition takes the fun out of it for me. I'm not really into board games or any group game. I love video games but only when I am alone. I can do the head to head, but I get all wild, and I've discovered I get so much more actual pleasure playing alone. Interaction with other people always puts me on edge and I have to 'figure' out how to act. I'm only at ease alone. I love being at ease when so much of my life has been torture. People: expectations +demands = torture.

I don't want to rally up the energy to do it. I've pushed myself and gone to many things just to watch the clock until it is time to go. I don't think I am abnormal anymore, I don't find it fun and I'm not afraid how it looks as much as I used to be.