Calling my therapist? Need advice

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Hi all,

I'm having difficulty making a decision regarding my therapist(s).

Pre-diagnosis (Nov 3), I was seeing two therapists who work out of the same office. Therapist A was my general help-me-with-my-life therapist; Therapist B was someone I was doing some special trauma therapy with. About a month and a half ago, Therapist A was away, so I went to see Therapist B, because I needed desperately to talk to someone about my strong suspicion that I'm an Aspie. (This was five days before I was diagnosed with AS.) I needed support, but it went badly. Therapist B started arguing with me and discounting my perceptions and saying I couldn't be an Aspie because I could hold a conversation with her, etc. etc. etc. It was pretty awful. Lots of nice people on WP helped me scrape myself off the ceiling and breathe normally again.

After I got diagnosed, I decided not to see either of them. I left a message, saying that I was diagnosed with AS and SID, and that I was going to deal with the neurological stuff rather than the psychological stuff at this point. I didn't want to risk talking with Therapist A after my bad experience with Therapist B.

I got a message from Therapist A about a week ago, wanting to make sure I'm okay because I left "abruptly." I'm assuming that this is just a professional "have-to" on her part and doesn't stem from an overwhelming desire to make sure I haven't jumped off a bridge. I've not gotten back to her. As far as I know, she doesn't know what happened with her colleague, but I'm still not sure I want to talk about it. It doesn't feel safe. My husband suggested I call and get an email address and just write to her about what happened. But I'm even resisting that. It just feels pointless. I've written so many explanatory letters to clueless people over the course of my life, hoping against hope that they wouldn't be clueless, but they just about always are.

So, do you think I should write the therapist or just punt on this whole thing? Do I have a responsibility toward her? I really feel like I *should* write, but I don't really want to.

Here is my honest opinion.. she may actually care about you. But she is also a professional and this is her occupation so it is also rather likely that she is thinking about her pocketbook.

I would say if you really liked her and had a good relationship with her and you really want her to know what happened, write her a letter or an email. Otherwise, meh! Who will care?


I do this all the time, I feel like I 'owe' people things and I act out of a sense of responsibility and obligation to do things that I don't want to do. But from the outside I can tell you that you don't owe her anything and you can do whatever you want and it isn't going to hurt anyone either way.

I think when you leave a therapist abruptly without explanation they have some kind of professional responsibility that requires them to check up on you to make sure you aren't suicidal. I think you should call her and leave a quick message or speak personally with her and be honest that the other therapist offended you and now you feel uncomfortable going to their office. Honesty is usually the best policy and she may indeed see your side of the situation so give her a chance. Just don't send her a long email. Doctors all loathe long narratives and Aspies tend to write novels.

Since you already have left them a message stating that you are now taking the neurological road, it seems to me that your business dealings with them has ended and should be of no more concern to you. Take care, neshamaruach.

Hmm this is interesting. Now my old therapist is doing the same thing. Thing is I told her on the phone exactly what was going on that my GP sent me to a different psych because she didn't feel I was getting the right treatment and needed someone with a phD to work with me. Well I got a letter from my first therapist a month after I told her I wouldn't be seeing her anymore that said HIPPA law required her to send the letter that I was leaving her care. It also said something like "on a personal note I hope things are going better for you and if there is anything I can do for you please don't hesitate to call". I showed the letter to my new therapist and she said it was weird and she never sends such to her patients when they discontinue seeing her. I swear I think my old therapist has transference issues with me and wants me back because she got amusement from me.

It's helpful to know I'm not the only one. I get the sense that my therapist is so in love with helping people that she can't deal with the fact that she can't help me. A little problem with attachment there, I think.

I've been remiss about thanking people for their advice on this thread. Thank you all for your insights. I've decided that I'm going to send a short, handwritten note that will say something like, "I am doing well. Now that I know that I have AS, I will need to seek out a therapist knowledgeable about Asperger's so that she can help me work with my strengths and my neurological limitations. I know that AS is not your area of expertise, but I appreciate the work you've done with me and wish you the best." Or some such. Something polite but to the point.

It's interesting. My therapist told me that I couldn't
be asperger because I could hold a conversation.
Actually, in my opinion, asperger has became one of
my interest, and I search for amount of information
about asperger syndrome so I could discuss with my
doctor about the topic. However I cannot chitchat
with anyone else, especially when they are talking about
current stuffs, if someone attempt to chat with me soon
they will find that there are pauses during the
conversation.

I think that all therapists shouldn't judge a person in
this way, they should take insight into the person's
background and developmental history, not how the
person looks like.
Anyway I am not a specialist, not to mention meet another
aspie in person, so I can't definitely tell either.

Last edited by wrongchild on 12 Dec 2008, 7:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I would suggest a polite note explaining that you're fine but have got some new revelations that you'd like to address with a specialist.

I've heard that a lot of so called medical professionals. Uhm nothing in the DSM criteria says that we are suppose to be mute. I actually have to get my psychologist to write a letter saying I have Aspergers to prove it to a social worker who says I can't have it because I am not "bad" like the men with AS she has worked with. So my psych had to write a letter that said I met all diagnostic criteria.

Speak of the devil... my psych just called while I was writing this to do a phone session. Well that was no help. I tell her I have only slept 2 nights this week because I have nightmares... after all I was diagnosed with PTSD. She tells me to sleep during the day instead. Now how is that suppose to stop nightmares?

But anyway back to the original post yeah I have a hard time with chit chat because I have no clue what to say since I don't have the usual spouse and kids to talk about like others do. I can talk to my doctors but that's because we have something specific to talk about. There's a difference.

i dont know why you would go in the first place. waste of money, or someone elses money. unless your a serious danger to yourself or others why go? dont you know how to feed yourself and wake up in the morning? socializing a problem? oh well i think sometimes a struggle is good to have and it usually makes you a better person in my for instance i'd be a therapists wet dream but i dont wanna sell out like that because i know i dont need a therapist

well richard you are scared to drive, scared to meet other people, scared to work and can't live on your own... i would think those great reasons to see a therapist

im not scared to drive, meet other people, work or live on my own. i never said any of these things. i dont drive because of coordination issues, and meet people? like who YOU? give me a break. no thanks, oh and i do live on my own. and i dont work because of various issues none of wich has anything to do with fear. once again your talking out of your arse and obviously felt threatend by my reply because you recive alot of support. wich i thought you didnt need because you do it all on your own

i have an idea, go w*k off over psych sites online to see what you really have and then tell everyone you have it here bolt girl

Richard,

I can't even understand most of your reply. Please write in proper English. I was just repeating what you have told us here including just recently you posted a picture saying you are living in your mom's place again living in your brothers former moldy room. Also you told me years ago you were scared to drive. All I am going by is your previous posts on here and your PM's. And also the VR people who told me you are a very disturbed and troubled young man when I spoke to them about you harassing me in the past since they have dealt with you long ago. Either way you should reconsider going to a psychologist. If you want to stay on that SSI you have to go through re-consideration every 5-7 years on average until you hit your 50's. If you are not seeking medical assistance at least once every 2 months for what you got disability for then Soc Sec will boot you off when they re-evaluate. Look I am trying to help you here.

As for the rest of your post I can't quite decipher the ghetto lingo. But all I can say is I have been diagnosed by professionals and I pay out of pocket and through my work's medical insurance for my psychologist and neuropsychologist. It's none of your business what I do with my money and I'm sorry you are jealous or upset in some way by that.

are you ret*d? i said i was watching my moms house for a week while she went to south carolina to see my brother and was staying in his room. i never said i moved into her house and am currently living there jesus christ woman go back and read what i actually said

i dont ever remember telling you anything like that and its been years since ive private messaged you, so who knows what the truth is. unless you still have the pms of me telling you im scarred to drive, share them otherwise its bs

well then they just broke the law, there not supose to discuse anything with former clients they served. or your lying, much like everything else you've blabbed on here im shure its a lie and you cant be doing that much with your own money since im shure you get most of these services through VR, like therapy and such. if you cant pay for your hearing aids i know you cant pay for a therapists visit out of your own pockets you mooch

Last edited by richardbenson on 13 Dec 2008, 3:21 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Just to let you know, people have drastically cut spending on all nonessentials. Including therapists. She could be seeing her practice crash. I think this is happening all over to people like therapists, veterinarians and other "nonessentials".

Not to be too cynical, but if you went back to Therapist B, he/she would probably be very obsequious and agreeable if you're a cash-paying client!

You might just give Therapist A a call... she might be trying to reinitiate contacts because her practice has fallen off and she wants to make sure you have an opening to call her if you want to see her.

Hi all,

I decided calling or sitting down with the therapist was out of the question. I don't do well on the phone with anyone, and I didn't feel emotionally safe going back to the office. So I wrote her a short, positive, handwritten note, basically thanking her for her help and letting her know that I needed to start seeing someone who is a specialist in AS/SID. And I wished her a happy Chanuka. (She is Jewish, like me.) Then I put it in the mail and went on with my life.

It felt really good. I took the high road and kept it positive while letting her know my limits. So that's done. Yay!

Thanks, y'all.